Standards, anyone?

[Guest]

In an "Atlantic Online" article by Cullen Murphy, the loosening of standards is discussed in depth and humorously (e.g., sex, language, literacy). At the end, quoted here, he makes a proposal of 10 standards to keep. I wonder if anyone here has some to add (or substract). I'm all for no. 2. - Perdita
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Some standards aren't worthy of the name in the first place, and in any event standards will always be in flux. But surely there are a handful on which we might all agree to hold the line—this far and no further, unto the end of days. To start this long-overdue public conversation, I'll propose ten.

I. "EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HANDS BEFORE RETURNING TO WORK" ("Los empleados deben lavarse las manos antes de regresar al trabajo").

II. "Women and children first" (except maybe Ann Coulter).

III. Notoriety does not denote "famousness," enormity does not denote "bigness," and religiosity does not denote "religiousness."

IV. "The bat shall be a smooth, round stick not more than 2 3/4 inches in diameter at the thickest part and not more than 42 inches in length. The bat shall be one piece of solid wood."—official rules, Major League Baseball

V. "Honey, you look great!" (still the only correct answer).

VI. "Parents should never issue birth announcements or write letters of thanks that pretend to be coming directly from the baby."—Miss Manners

VII. "First, do no harm."—Hippocrates

VIII. The federal adulteration limits for cocoa powder ("75 or more insect fragments per 50 grams") and chocolate ("60 or more insect fragments per 100 grams").

IX. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."—the Golden Rule (worth a try?)

X. Anything that does "little more for humanity than keep the publishing world afloat" deserves an award. (This is in ref. to Harold Bloom's indignation over Stephen King's National Book Foundation award)
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Setting the Bar

 

[Dirt Man]

XI: All bi-lingual people should be paid higher wages than their peers. (For obvious reasons.)

 

[Icingsugar]

IV. "The bat shall be a smooth, round stick not more than 2 3/4 inches in diameter at the thickest part and not more than 42 inches in length. The bat shall be one piece of solid wood."—official rules, Major League Baseball

The bat shall be a small, rodent-ish thingamajig with large leathery wings, that hangs in caves and/or flops about.

Or else, this would be Batman.

 

[Icingsugar]

XIII: KISS. Keep It Simple, Stupid.

 

[Weird Harold]

TANSTAAFL!

(There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch)

This should be number two, right after "Women and Children First" as Number One.

 

[Gary Chambers]

Standard 14 & 15

XIV - Decisions of the Literotica Author's Hangout Anarchist's Administration shall be final.

XV - "Anything not expressly forbidden is mandatory." T.H. White (Book of Merlin, I think)

 

[shereads]

IX. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."—the Golden Rule (worth a try?)

I can't go around smacking strangers on the behind, nibbling their earlobes and writing them into my will, Perdita. Get real.

 

[shereads]

Standards Subset SR1:

Stop lumping women together with children as if the two types of people have the same incapacity to withstand stress. "Women and children first" sounds nice, but it's really just da Man keeping da sistahs down.

BTW, I'm all for limiting the number of insect parts in cocoa. And flour, and maybe breakfast cereal. But not hot dogs; that's where hot dogs get that outdoors-y flavor.

 

[Dirt Man]

It would take only one man to repopulate the planet, but he'd have to have something like 40-50 wives to do it successfully.

As Always
I Am the
Dirt Man

 

[shereads]

Jurors and candidates for public office shall first have to pass an intelligence test.

(If you've ever been on a jury, you know you don't want to be judged by one. A jury of your peers can be dumber than a plastic knife at a meat-slicing contest.)

Taxi cab drivers must submit their vehicles to annual smell-tests of the interior in order to renew their licenses.

School buses and airplane seats will be equipped with shoulder harnesses, unless someone can demonstrate that car passengers are subject to unique laws of physics.

Fuel efficiency will not be regulated in new passenger cars and SUVs, but anyone who drives a vehicle substantially larger and heavier than its use dictates will be required to display a bumper sticker reading, "DRIVER IS INSECURE ABOUT HIS PENIS."

 

[shereads]

"Two words: Just be yourself."

--Vice President Dan Quayle to Katie Couric on the Today Show.

(She had asked him what advice he would give to someone in his position who was unfairly targeted for jokes about his intelligence.)

 

[shereads]

Re: Standard 14 & 15

XV - "Anything not expressly forbidden is mandatory." T.H. White (Book of Merlin, I think)

XV - Sub-standard, #SR2: Building codes shall require cottages to be equipped with "a real corkindrill hanging from the rafters, very lifelike and horrible with glass eyes and scaly tail stretched out behind it."

 

[snooper]

Arising from:

IV. "The bat shall be a smooth, round stick not more than 2 3/4 inches in diameter at the thickest part and not more than 42 inches in length. The bat shall be one piece of solid wood"[/URL]

a further standard is necessary stating that:
"Citizens and/or inhabitants of the USA shall not assume that the USA has a God-given right to lay down rules for the ancient and wonderful game of cricket."
As any fule know, that is the privilege of the Marylebone Cricket Club.

 

[gauchecritic]

Agrees with Sher, children first (some of them will be girls after all) also; stop lumping sex with violence and then single out gratuitous sex on TV for denouncement, whilst giving unexpurgated violence free reign.

Other rules:

Dialect and accent should be saccrosanct (sp) and be mandatory in speech so that nation shall not speak unto nation, without considerable difficulty.

The chant of "USA, USA" be bleeped from all international sports broadcasts.

Further subsets of anti-American rules:

Always assume that when speaking of world famous personalities that they actually are world famous.

Take more from the Roman Empire than decadence and "bread and circuses" when attempting world domination.

Concede that the USA does not own the world, England does and we want it back.

Gauche

 

[MathGirl]

A humble suggestion..........

With runners on first and second or first, second, and third, if a fly ball is hit which would normally be fielded by an infielder, the batter is automatically out, and the runners may advance at their own risk.

The truth of some things is self evident.

MG

 

[Vincent E]

Standards for Red Sox managers:

Timlin in the 8th, Williamson in the 9th.
Timlin in the 8th, Williamson in the 9th.
Timlin in the 8th, Williamson in the 9th.
Timlin in the 8th, Williamson in the 9th.
Timlin in the 8th, Williamson in the 9th.
Timlin in the 8th, Williamson in the 9th.

 

[Guest]

Concede that the USA does not own the world, England does and we want it back.

You can have it all right now except for California, Arizona, and 'New' Mexico and some fringes of their borders that all belonged to Mexico in the first place.

ella, I don't care to be a card-carrying feminist in Titanic-type situations so I adhere to no. II.

xarumftl,

Perdita

 

[Svenskaflicka]

"And Harm Ye None, Do As Ye Will!"

 

[Guest]

Not to begrudge Maths and Vincenzo, but baseball rules and tips are not the level of "standards" I had in mind.

xarumftling still,

Perdita

 

[A7inchPhildo]

Wow these standards are pretty steep for my taste. I will stick to waking up in the morning. No cross that I mean early afternoon.

Concede that the USA does not own the world, England does and we want it back.

Gauche, Now that is pretty pathetic as we can not possibly all fit on your little island. Besides we had a tea party along time ago in Boston. That should give you some idea as to what the states think of being owned.

If any one has a claim it surely would be the Spanish in my opinion. But what do I know I am an American Frenchman.


Phildo,

PS. You can have Florida too as it is only a swamp pretending to be a civilized place to live.

 

[Guest]

If any one has a claim it surely would be the Spanish in my opinion. But what do I know I am an American Frenchman.

Aw, Phil, I may have to take back my new year's smooch. Claim? you say? How about the indigenous people (from both north and south "america")? Crikey (excuse the expression) and aye aye aye!!!

Perdita l'Azteca

 

[Black Tulip]

If any one has a claim it surely would be the Spanish in my opinion. But what do I know I am an American Frenchman.


Phildo,

PS. You can have Florida too as it is only a swamp pretending to be a civilized place to live.

For God's sake, are you out of your mind? (Or Catholic?)

It took us 80 years to kick those Spaniards out so we could be civilized protestants!

Koninkrijk der Nederlanden

PS. I'll vote for rule nr. 2 - I like to be first.

 

[jeanne_d_artois]

A Frenchman's standard -

Tact consists in knowing how far we may go too far. Jean Cocteau.

Jeanne d'Artois

 

[A7inchPhildo]

Oh, did I stir up all this?

When reference to the Spanish it was a world wide reference not just the Americas. As they had not always been recognised as to the amount of area they had covered in the old world. They did not always conquer some times just placed a claim on a land only to be lost later. They were great explorers.

And it is too late I already enjoyed your wonderful full lips.

How about the indigenous people

How about them? They just assumed it was there land because they were here first. Obviously they were wrong now wern't they?
"Ouch!"

For God's sake, are you out of your mind? (Or Catholic?)

Thanks for the minor insult! I did not know that God even knew what a catholic was? Unless he has a sick sense of humor! Religions are for man created by man. Just because the Spanish were Catholic does not mean they lacked potential.

Tact consists in knowing how far we may go too far. Jean Cocteau.

But no reader of "An Unsocial Socialist " needs to be told how, by the exercise of a certain considerate tact (which on the outside, perhaps, seems the opposite of tact), I have contrived to maintain genial terms with men and women of all classes, even those whose opinions and political conduct seemed to me most dangerous. by SIDNEY TREFUSIS


Oh, dear! Look at the mess I got into.
I will stick to my original comment.

Wow these standards are pretty steep for my taste. I will stick to waking up in the morning. No cross that I mean early afternoon.

 

[Guest]

Hola! Jeanne, and welcome from me (long story). I liked your post and then your profile. Please stay with us.

Nouvelle année heureuse à vous!

Perdita

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Phil, you're awright. P.