Squeezing Cream from the Flesh Twinkie (a writerly thread)

[shereads]

Random Masturbation Generator. For those moments in your erotic story that can't be captured with the usual terms for self-abuse (coaxing the coal chute, decongesting pappy, etc.)

http://www.worldwidewank.com/generator.html

 

[shereads]

From a readers' perspective, I urge writers to consider carefully before using this one: "playing peekaboo with the skin gopher." It made me choke on a pistachio.

Seriously, I could have died here, with no one in the house to perform the Heimlich maneuver, if I hadn't thought to hang my head down and let gravity work the pistachio out of my upper esophagus.

Of course, you know your own readers, and my response might not be typical. I'll bet there are readers out there who would one-bomb a story that nearly chocked them to death.

For what it's worth, I also don't care for "grappling the salmon."

 

[carsonshepherd]

do not read amusing things while chewing anything. don't you know this by now?

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I've missed sher most of all.

 

[EmeraldKitten]

LOL!!

"Dripping white-hot coconuts from the veiny palm tree of lust ."


*Giggling*


WARNING: Don't inhale cigarette smoke while reading these either.
My lungs are revolting against me, lol.


Ahhh shit, that cracked me up for some reason.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Decongesting your bayonet

 

[carsonshepherd]

warming up the altar boy's dinner

 

[shereads]

I've missed sher most of all.

Where have you been? Playing the pink piano?

 

[Guest]

Launching the blue-veined custard chucker

 

[Guest]

or -

Having a tug-of-war with the one-eyed field mouse with the purple turtle-neck sweater

 

[Guest]

One more -

Taking little Elvis to Graceland

 

[shereads]

One more -

Taking little Elvis to Graceland

I think I plumbed the bottom of the Random Masturbation Generator when it generated this: Greeting the big-nosed Rasta man.

 

[Guest]

I think I plumbed the bottom of the Random Masturbation Generator when it generated this: Greeting the big-nosed Rasta man.

sher...
isnt it past your bed time?

 

[Dar~]

Pattin' the magic one-eyed wonder weasel
Slamming Old Faithful
Attacking the goblin of love
Boxing the soft soap dispenser

 

[minsue]

I think I plumbed the bottom of the Random Masturbation Generator when it generated this: Greeting the big-nosed Rasta man.

I dunno....slammin' the stepson has got to be a close competitor

 

[variable Xy]

Ropin' your dumber brother

damn. that one is too funny.