Speech Restrictions

[Mr Blonde]

Who has experience with relationships where the PYL puts speech restrictions on the pyl? Not temporary gags. I mean being instructed not to speak and accepting that vow of silence.

How does this work in real time relationships? Does the pyl need to ask permission before speaking? Are certain hours/schedules off limits? Are specific topics forbidden? If you have speech restrictions in your relationship, please explain how it actually works.

I am only curious about this subject and couldn't find any previous topics in the Library. There are times when I need to concentrate and don't want interruptions, but I wouldn't actually put speech restrictions on a submissive.

 

[recycling]

if you wouldn't actually do this (put speech restrictions on a submissive) then why are you really even asking?


if I may be sooo direct.

 

[Betticus]

Mr. Blonde!

How are you doing?

I'm not sure about the speech restriction as it pertains to BDSM but have you thought about slanting your research over to the religious sects that have or still do use vows of silence?

 

[Betticus]

if you wouldn't actually do this (put speech restrictions on a submissive) then why are you really even asking?


if I may be sooo direct.

I do believe he's just gathering information. I've told my ex wife to shut up before but it didn't work. Not when she was up in arms. I could silence her with a look though.

Ex wives aren't the best examples.

 

[recycling]

I have found men are generally pretty threatened by women who ask questions of them. I'm also thinking there may be a better way ask my questions.

I do not feel though I need to compromise myself just to attend to their ego's either. A man should be able to recognize he need not be threatened by my power or reason or intellect or perception or insight. It is just different. When someone offends me, I respect them enough to let them know~ I am strong like that. I care like that. especially if I enjoy enteracting with them. I guess not all people see the value of human interaction.

whatever. It's easier to enslave a submissive with speech restriction when she threatens you. I suppose I would have enjoyed that level of control in the non-flipping relationship I was in but the weak ass dominant couldn't see that far out of his ego.


so Mr. Blonde. if you have a relationship of trust, and you're not creating a slave under her nose-- if she knows you will be doing this for your own growth, it's a terrific idea for both of you.

embrace the weakness. if it's not this, then I have no more.

 

[recycling]

for your information. I was unwittingly made into a sex-slave. non-consensually. believing in a depth of care & feeling that He intentionally allowed. It was my existence~ the difference was truly
eternal life when I was with him
& longing for him was my life

and

swift death when he would reject me
I would die


I defend my strength. It was never a "relationship" so I never had him to submit to. Mock me if you will for my past statements & where exactly they may seem to conflict. You do not know my life.

 

[MissTaken]

Speech restrictions:


When I was being trained, one of the rules not to speak unless spoken to. Then, there were rules concerning how to speak, what position to be in, how to hold my eyes, my hands etc. Then, there were times that he would permit me to "speak freely."

It wasn't a vow of silence, rather a means by which to remind me of roles and to teach me self discipline. I am a spontaneous and gregarious person and he felt that I need to taper that down for BDSM.

I do find that when in scene or when we are aware of our roles, that the interaction changes. Now, I am curious if anyone has submitted to a vow of silence, even in the short term.

That would make me crazy, whether it was I who was quiet or scooter.

 

[Raeth]

... Not temporary gags. I mean being instructed not to speak and accepting that vow of silence.

I am only curious about this subject and couldn't find any previous topics in the Library. There are times when I need to concentrate and don't want interruptions, but I wouldn't actually put speech restrictions on a submissive.

I am just curious... how long were you thinking of these restrictions lasting?

 

[Shadowsdream]

Speech restriction is something I have practiced in the past, the present and will in the future.

I think the concept that speech restrictions are negative in all or most cases seems to gather steam with those who have been subjected to it as a rejection. As a punishment that they see as rejection.

BUT...as with all BDSM technics of training speech restrictions can be incredibly valuable in teaching patience and contemplation as well as endurance, obedience and tolerance.

Even if I used both of My hands I could not count all of the submissives and slaves that have come to Me with a very decided kink towards having their speech restricted. (for My pleasure of course) (when it is the sub or the slave that brings up the subject of speech restriction you can bet your ass that it is NOT My pleasure they have in mind)

There can actually be a freedom for the one obeying the restriction and a sense of pride in accomplishment. Speech restriction as a training tool can actually bring the Dominant and the submissive/slave closer together.

The reasons are many and varied for this type of training or punishment.

 

[A Desert Rose]

My apologies Mr.Blonde.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Well, the whole quote makes great sense but this part really jumped out at me.

That part is all about me!

I have NO PATIENCE.

That part is all about me!!! And it's a real struggle for me.

Once again, Ma'am, You have made me see something from an entirely new perspective. Thank You.

Hello rosie one

Patience can be such a struggle...I am not a patient Woman Myself but have learned over time that tempering My Own impatience makes Me a much better teacher.

I am pleased that you saw something that stood out for you and may have a bit of a softened view of some less than comfortable training technics now!

 

[Manifest_Shadow]

Well psychoanalyzing his motives isn't going to do any good...

When i have used it it's been a don't speak until spoken to rule. And if it's absolutely necesary to speak to me kneel down next to me and wait for my acknowledgement of your presence. It worked out well enough until I missed her singing.

 

[Mr Blonde]

Edit: Well, I tried to tidy things up but someone misunderstood the post that was originally in this slot. So let me try again: I am not going to respond to off-topic questions directed at me.

Clear enough? Now back to people who want to discuss speech restrictions, whether they have experience or just an opinion about it.

 

[shy slave]

Voice restriction is not something He has asked for as yet.

Although He has used RR's famed words of Shut the fuck up, which usually results in a compliant grin

He has said I have the ability 'to take the piss,' with a look alone so communication can be more than words.

It is often me who wishes for the silence; when i am concentrating and the TV is on or He reads interesting aspects He has found out to me.

We don't live 24/7 due to distance, so He understands their are times that I need to work when He is visiting.

Do any other pyls have this difficulty?

They may need silence to concentrate but need to attend to their PYL as well?

 

[TaintedB]

I've experienced the speech restriction thing a little bit in a playful setting. I wish I could expereince more of it--I find it hot as hell, especially when the other person gets me so mad or frustrated that I want to start yelling at them.

 

[graceanne]

I would spontaeously combust if someone told me I couldn't talk.

Beyond that, I agree with Miss T (I think that it was her), that if it's for the subs growth, and not as a punishment or something, that it's ok, and in any case but mine, cool.

Quick Question: I've heard of subs having to ask permission to speak. But you gottta speak to ask permission to speak . . .

 

[Hajar]

Quick Question: I've heard of subs having to ask permission to speak. But you gottta speak to ask permission to speak . . .

You ask with a sign of some type grace.

We've tested these waters a little, usually it's coupled with a restriction of movement also.
As I'm a chatter box and over think, I often get up in the night to do stuff so it was hard at first but after a couple times I got much better, it wasn't punishment more along the lines of getting me into the right frame of mind, I've come to not hate it
I will never love it but I understand why it's important for me to do.

 

[sincerely_helene]

I am for whatever floats your boat. If this was to be implimented during play, I see no reason why a safe signal couldn't be equally as effective as a safe word.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

To respond to the idea as a control thing, a bdsm thing, rather than because you need to work (which it sounds like is what you need, Mr. B), I tend to be unusually silent during sex anyway (ok, non-verbal -- no noise would be much harder.) But there have been occasions when Sir Hubby has told me calmly to not talk. It tends to work to put me in a different space, other side of the brain, when I know I can't talk, don't need to talk, and thus have no reason for formulating structured thought. Gets me out of my head, in other words.

(Funny how this is the topic that got me talking here, after a long hiatus;> Hi, y'all. Probably not really back, but it's nice to see you here.)

 

[MissTaken]

for Pheonix Stone. You are missed.


As for speaking in order to request permission to speak? Ahhhh now, you may find yourself in a situation wherein moving to your Master's knees, palms up would indicate a request to speak. (Or some other situation.)

Non verbal communication is very cool stuff.

 

[Mr Blonde]

(Funny how this is the topic that got me talking here, after a long hiatus;> Hi, y'all. Probably not really back, but it's nice to see you here.)

Oh no, it's the brat-subbie!



Thanks for all of the replies!

 

[graceanne]

Well, I do know sign language. . . . lol

The problem would be that no one else in my immediate family does. Only my California family knows sign language . . . . *sigh*

 

[Honeysucklevine]

Speech restrictions:


When I was being trained, one of the rules not to speak unless spoken to. Then, there were rules concerning how to speak, what position to be in, how to hold my eyes, my hands etc. Then, there were times that he would permit me to "speak freely."

It wasn't a vow of silence, rather a means by which to remind me of roles and to teach me self discipline. I am a spontaneous and gregarious person and he felt that I need to taper that down for BDSM.

I do find that when in scene or when we are aware of our roles, that the interaction changes. Now, I am curious if anyone has submitted to a vow of silence, even in the short term.

That would make me crazy, whether it was I who was quiet or scooter.

Well, for what it's worth, I have just had a taste of something quite similar. I too am an outgoing, perky, 'speak my mind' , kind of woman. For some reason, I found myself quite turned on when my latest quest told me not to speak as he turned me around to face the wall and gently slid his large strong hand up my arms to pin my hands against the wall. He told me I wasn't allowed to talk. NOBODY has ever told me that and got away with it! His voice and body had me in a hypnotic state, or so it seemed. Ahhhh, the human psyche!

 

[Ms_Black]

Regarding silence

There can actually be a freedom for the one obeying the restriction and a sense of pride in accomplishment. Speech restriction as a training tool can actually bring the Dominant and the submissive/slave closer together.

I think you made an excellent point here that silence can be liberating. However, I feel it can also be as much of a crutch (for some) as speech.

I know I am personally more comfortable allowing my Dom to speak for us, and make decisions (of some types...I am after all a ball-busting career girl from 9-5:00). I have difficulty answering the easiest questions, such as "What do you want to do tonight", or "Where do you want to go to dinner". I'll sit there and try to figure out what he wants to do, and then say that. Worse, I often get caught.

Do you think that in a case like this the Sub should get what they want (the restriction) or be forced to try to speak openly and honestly.

Curious

B

 

[shy slave]

small hijack

Phoenix {{{{Hugs}}}} We have missed you
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