Spankers and Gentle Sadists HELP

[Trudy_Antone]

I am a novice to BDSM, currently posting stories in other categories. After doing some research I discovered the world of spanking is HUGE. Paddles, domestic discipline, maintenance spanking, reluctant spankos... Now I'm just confused...

I would love to hear from people involved in spanking, specifically, how you feel when you are spanking or being spanked.

What are the hottest, the most emotional, or painful experiences you've had?

A pre-emptive thanks to you all x

 

[Stella_Omega]

Hum. I love spanking and being spanked, and I do not link it in any way to punishment, unless it's a playful game like forfeits-- where if my bottom answers my questions in more than one word, or speaks without being asked a question, they get spanked for each extra word they utter.

Other than that, it's more about the sensation. The buttocks are a massive erogenous zone! The sequence goes from yelping and giggling, to yelping and ouching, to purring.... to begging...

 

[Primalex]

It doesn't really matter. Chances are good he doesn't know these things either. Nobody wants to read reality.

 

[finesse910]

Oh boy.. haha- kind of just had this conversation with my boyfriend the other day. We're in a long distance relationship so now that we're always on the phone- just to make conversation, we've been bringing up things that we normally wouldn't discuss. Basically, I just told him that he doesn't do it hard enough (in a more teasing way). It's just not as hot if you can tell the person is holding back. Those gentle little taps just... don't do anything besides cause a little jiggle! It's a tease!

He almost growled when I said that and asked why I didn't tell him before. He's pretty cautious with me, so I just didn't want to freak him out until we became a bit more comfortable with each other. -- Not sure what's in store for me when I see him next now.
----
But basically, it's that feeling of being completely under his control- and having him completely let go and just be dominant. Not worrying about treating me like a china doll- just being free with your partner and doing something that you both just find really hot. It's a little kinky thing that is a little show of how comfortable and trusting you've become with each other.

It's hot as hell knowing that he isn't holding himself back- there's just... that almost animalistic sexuality to it. Actually, very hard to explain. Haha

 

[6PERV]

The term Gentle Sadist a contradiction of words. I know you said you're a novice to all of this, and I'm not making fun of you. But you might want to look up sadist in an online sex dictionary and see what it says. You are probably thinking more in the lines of disciplinarian or something like that.

But, your post is fine, other than that.

 

[the captians wench]

The term Gentle Sadist a contradiction of words. I know you said you're a novice to all of this, and I'm not making fun of you. But you might want to look up sadist in an online sex dictionary and see what it says. You are probably thinking more in the lines of disciplinarian or something like that.

But, your post is fine, other than that.

Actually "gentle sadist" is a term I've heard before. It refers to some one who likes to inflict pain but is also nuturing, and/or doesn't get into extream pain.

I've known a couple, and I rather enjoyed them.

 

[cfuhrer]

In my world spanking isnt really fantasy material... its foreplay. We spank allllll the time around our house. Just walking past each other in the hall *smack*, doing dishes *smack*, bent over the easy chair *smack*.

That said, I like spanking for the raw emotion it comes from and builds toward. I like to think of it as "this is so awesome words can't describe it!" *smack* Plus being a subie slut, well, spanking just is a natural extenson.

 

[Trudy_Antone]

*****

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I dunno know if I fit as a gentle sadist... but I like to just grab her and throw her over my knee when she is not expecting it... well, it gets harder and more intense from there....

An ex made the mistake ONCE of vocalizing that she didn't like me repeatedly hitting the same spot. Needless to say, I kept on that same spot, only harder.

 

[the captians wench]

I dunno know if I fit as a gentle sadist... but I like to just grab her and throw her over my knee when she is not expecting it... well, it gets harder and more intense from there....

An ex made the mistake ONCE of vocalizing that she didn't like me repeatedly hitting the same spot. Needless to say, I kept on that same spot, only harder.

See, and this is where I think the difference is.

A sadist wants to cause pain. The more you wiggle, squirm, complain, cry, giggle rollseyes: ) the more he enjoys it and/or wants to inflict upon you.

A gentle sadist likes to inflict some level of pain, but doesn't really want to hurt you.

I love my sadist, he's happy to turn me into an unstopable fountain of tears, and keep going. I love that about him.

But I've also enjoyed a gentle sadist who liked to turn my skin bright red, but would stop at that and rub my ass to sooth it, or let me suck his cock while he brused my hair and the burn faded.

Both valid forms, both highly enjoyable.

 

[jane_said]

I suppose this is all a matter of degrees.

My preference is to be with a sadist. Someone who gets a hard on to see me cry. Someone who is creative in humiliating me. Someone who knows that just getting me to cry isn't enough... there's a little bit more I can take.

However, if this sadist wasn't also loving and at some point gentle, I don't think I would come back for more.

captainwench's description of a gentle sadist holds truth: it reminds me of some excellent spanking stuff i've done: whack whack whack WHACK WHACK rub rub rub... and so on.

But I also see a gentle sadist as someone who truly cares for you and after pushing you to that hysterical "I really can't take any more" and bringing you right over it, will take you in his arms and tell you you're the best girl ever.

 

[BiBunny]

Also known as "sensual sadist" or "service Top."

 

[jane_said]

Also known as "sensual sadist" or "service Top."

In a profile I had on another dating site, I wrote I wasn't interested in a sensual Dominant. Move on! No backrubs, do not turn me in to your orgasm robot! Deny me an orgasm. Force an orgasm. None of this crazy, candle-lit love making!!

A Dominant I dated a while back said he felt like a service top not because he was gentle and sensuous. Instead, he felt he should have a wait-staff "pad" (or whatever you call the thing they write down orders) for the requests he got: "And you'd like a little restraint to go with that flogging?"+

 

[BiBunny]

In a profile I had on another dating site, I wrote I wasn't interested in a sensual Dominant. Move on! No backrubs, do not turn me in to your orgasm robot! Deny me an orgasm. Force an orgasm. None of this crazy, candle-lit love making!!

A Dominant I dated a while back said he felt like a service top not because he was gentle and sensuous. Instead, he felt he should have a wait-staff "pad" (or whatever you call the thing they write down orders) for the requests he got: "And you'd like a little restraint to go with that flogging?"+

LOLOLOL, I feel that way when I talk to about 99% of "subs" when I get on enough of a sadistic kick to go looking for a bottom-y type person. Thus, the looking only lasts a few days before I go, "Oh, fuck this."

 

[Stella_Omega]

LOLOLOL, I feel that way when I talk to about 99% of "subs" when I get on enough of a sadistic kick to go looking for a bottom-y type person. Thus, the looking only lasts a few days before I go, "Oh, fuck this."

yeah well that's how I realised that I needed to top-- because I could not find tops who would orchestrate a scene that would satisfy me. So I began to play out my fantasies on other bodies instead. Worked out pretty well...

 

[Trudy_Antone]

You guys are fascinating...

Thank you for the education!

 

[MasterPhoenix]

In a profile I had on another dating site, I wrote I wasn't interested in a sensual Dominant. Move on! No backrubs, do not turn me in to your orgasm robot! Deny me an orgasm. Force an orgasm. None of this crazy, candle-lit love making!!

A Dominant I dated a while back said he felt like a service top not because he was gentle and sensuous. Instead, he felt he should have a wait-staff "pad" (or whatever you call the thing they write down orders) for the requests he got: "And you'd like a little restraint to go with that flogging?"+

LoL I listen, consider, then do whatever the fuck it is I was planning on doing. If it fit my plan, maybe throw a bone sometimes...

Although the orgasm robot thing is cool... and use it because that is what I like...

 

[jane_said]

LoL I listen, consider, then do whatever the fuck it is I was planning on doing. If it fit my plan, maybe throw a bone sometimes...

Although the orgasm robot thing is cool... and use it because that is what I like...

snickers at "throw a bone"

Because our "community" is small, this guy's services (single-tail, flogging, fire-play mostly) were in demand. He'd have girls (and a few guys) say: "I'd love it if you'd flog me. But it's my first time so be gentle. Don't touch me here. And not there either. It'd be really awesome if you'd use those leather restraints. No.... not the handcuffs." So it's not like he was playing with people he's interested in forming a relationship. Don't get me wrong, he thoroughly enjoyed being "in demand" but after a time, it felt a little one-sided.

Although having an orgasm robot might sound cool... I've met (mostly on-line via sites like CM or alt) "Doms" who say: my goal is to please you. With one look, one touch, I'll make you cum over and over again. We'll have nights of blissful ecstasy.

Which, for some reason, makes it sound like they're subbing to me. Servicing me. Maybe it's just the way it's phrased. I'd rather hear: I'll deny your orgasms until you beg for one. Then I'll pull orgasms out of you until you beg me to stop.

Something like that.

 

[the captians wench]

I suppose this is all a matter of degrees.

My preference is to be with a sadist. Someone who gets a hard on to see me cry. Someone who is creative in humiliating me. Someone who knows that just getting me to cry isn't enough... there's a little bit more I can take.

However, if this sadist wasn't also loving and at some point gentle, I don't think I would come back for more.

captainwench's description of a gentle sadist holds truth: it reminds me of some excellent spanking stuff i've done: whack whack whack WHACK WHACK rub rub rub... and so on.

But I also see a gentle sadist as someone who truly cares for you and after pushing you to that hysterical "I really can't take any more" and bringing you right over it, will take you in his arms and tell you you're the best girl ever.

See, for me, that last bit, is just being part of a relationship. Whether that's a friendship or a romantic one. If you care about me, you'll make sure I'm okay after you beat the tar out of me and possibly cuddle me a bit. All part of "don't break your toys" or "a happy slave works harder", it's what I need to keep me pushing myself beyond my limits.

I have played with sadists who were not interested in seeing to my well being after. Those arragements didn't last long because it effects me psycologically.

snickers at "throw a bone"

Because our "community" is small, this guy's services (single-tail, flogging, fire-play mostly) were in demand. He'd have girls (and a few guys) say: "I'd love it if you'd flog me. But it's my first time so be gentle. Don't touch me here. And not there either. It'd be really awesome if you'd use those leather restraints. No.... not the handcuffs." So it's not like he was playing with people he's interested in forming a relationship. Don't get me wrong, he thoroughly enjoyed being "in demand" but after a time, it felt a little one-sided.

Although having an orgasm robot might sound cool... I've met (mostly on-line via sites like CM or alt) "Doms" who say: my goal is to please you. With one look, one touch, I'll make you cum over and over again. We'll have nights of blissful ecstasy.

Which, for some reason, makes it sound like they're subbing to me. Servicing me. Maybe it's just the way it's phrased. I'd rather hear: I'll deny your orgasms until you beg for one. Then I'll pull orgasms out of you until you beg me to stop.

Something like that.

I am a huge fan of orgasm denial, though I don't tend to experience tease and denial. But there are some benifits to the other way.

Every time I have recieved this has been a special occation or reward/treat of some sort. But there is something to be said about just resting back and slowly being brought to orgasm after orgasm. Especially when it's unexpected.

Maybe I'm just a bit spoiled, but I've learned to apreciate every sinsation that I recieve, be it pain or pleasure. I'm still being given it. Maybe that's the difference.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

...I would love to hear from people involved in spanking, specifically, how you feel when you are spanking or being spanked...<snip>

Everything about spanking – the posture, the pain, the associations – reinforces who's in charge.

I like that.

 

[Primalex]

"service Top."

"Service Top" .. funny.

Sounds like "I'm not gay, I just tripped and fell on him and we were both naked and we were wiggling to get my dick out of his ass.."

 

[unpredictablebijou]

The term Gentle Sadist a contradiction of words. I know you said you're a novice to all of this, and I'm not making fun of you. But you might want to look up sadist in an online sex dictionary and see what it says. You are probably thinking more in the lines of disciplinarian or something like that.

But, your post is fine, other than that.

There is absolutely such a thing as a gentle sadist. It's not a contradiction.

Among other things, it might refer to a sadist who prefers the torture to be less pain-oriented and more in the realm of the mindfuck. Or a sadist who prefers to use high-sensation and high-stimulus sensitivity play rather than straight pain.

"Service Top" .. funny.

Sounds like "I'm not gay, I just tripped and fell on him and we were both naked and we were wiggling to get my dick out of his ass.."

Heh. Well, I'm a recovering service top myself. It's been quite a shift, trying to move from a mindset of serving someone else's desire to be taken on some sort of sensory journey, to actually indulging my own desires.

They both have their place, and I'm a lot more flexible now than I used to be. I still enjoy indulging someone's desire to be topped, but that's no longer an exclusive role for me.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Although having an orgasm robot might sound cool... I've met (mostly on-line via sites like CM or alt) "Doms" who say: my goal is to please you. With one look, one touch, I'll make you cum over and over again. We'll have nights of blissful ecstasy.

Which, for some reason, makes it sound like they're subbing to me. Servicing me. Maybe it's just the way it's phrased. I'd rather hear: I'll deny your orgasms until you beg for one. Then I'll pull orgasms out of you until you beg me to stop.

Something like that.

My idea of an orgasm robot is one who does it on command. Period. See to be myorgasmobot you have to realize that it will ONLY happen when I want it to.

And yeah, I LOVE to make a subbie wait for it...to deny and deny... Watching that fight within them because of my control of their most primal instinct... oh yea... I'm a happy Dom...

Another one of my tricks is after the scene when we are just relaxing together... and she is coming down....to throw in a few random orgasms, even tho she don't necessarily want them...

Voice trained orgasm controlled submissives are so fun...

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I dunno know if I fit as a gentle sadist... but I like to just grab her and throw her over my knee when she is not expecting it... well, it gets harder and more intense from there....

An ex made the mistake ONCE of vocalizing that she didn't like me repeatedly hitting the same spot. Needless to say, I kept on that same spot, only harder.

hmmmm....

i consider You a "gentle Sadist" in the way that wench put it. loving to inflict pain yet nurturing as well. anyway, i remember my first spanking. i remember being thrown over His knees and smacked HARD repeatedly in the same spot over and over. i remember feeling embarressed, scared (kind of), very turned on and wanting MORE and MORE. He didn't give me time to protest He didn't give me time to do anything, He just started smacking and at first i was like "whoa what did i get myself into?" and then, He spoke and all of my fears went out the window......*sighs* it was great. i'm sure i have not answered any of the questions you have and i'm sorry, but that was my experience with my first spanking......

 

[Skorpion49]

It has to be about surrender, submission, relinquishing your responsibility for the great sex that follows...you are a bad girl, but it's not your fault he wants to fuck you, after a good spanking. After all he is not the first, is he? He makes you feel small and helpless but also willing to please him in any way, all without guilt...so you start off being bad, but finish off being good, flushed and glowing with post orgasmic delight! And you know you have pleased him so much he should love you forever...