Southern Hslf of the US. Wife wants to date.

[wifedates]

Southern Half of the US. Wife wants to date.

Hi,

I'm writing here because my wife has never been on a real date. She has had boyfriends when she was younger, and she's married to me, and since we've been married I of course take her out. But in her life as a single person, she's never been "dated".

Well, we have a nominally open polyamorous relationship (open in theory, but not so much in activity) and I have had fantasies (which the "becoming reality" aspect terrifies me a little) of my wife with other men, and so we discussed possibilities toward opening the relationship. Her biggest regret and the largest possibility I found in all this is the "dating". She said she would love to be taken out by men on the classic style date. Everyone she ever went out with, she either knew them and they ended up "hooking up" or they sort of hung around together and it became romantic at some point. I know for us, we were really good friends for almost 10 years before we discovered out romance and our complete and total adoration of each other. So no actual dating, leading up to the romance. No one has ever said "I like you, I'd like to take you out to dinner/movie/play/dancing/etc." on an official date.

So, I asked her, "What if this date goes well?" and she explained that there won't be a sexual first date, but that in the course of this, she'd like to see how any such relationships run their course. Since we're inexperienced, but polyamorous, this could lead anywhere. I said, "So there could be second dates and third?" and she affirmed that. "What about sex?" says I. "Well, if the dates go well, and I feel properly wooed and seduced and the desire arises in the normal course of dating, then I'd have sex with them."

So what I've come to understand is that she wants normal dating that can lead anywhere just like normal dating can. But since she has a man at home that she loves, the man who actually dates her successfully and possibly even seduces her, will have to be quite a suave gent indeed. So, I get to play with my fantasy in a fairly safe manner (I'm betting we don't get so many responses, and if we do, most men don't have the romance, patience, seductiveness and kindness to actually end up bedding my wife, and if one DOES, then he actually deserves to experience this wonderful woman) and she gets to have a few first dates, and maybe some second ones, and for the gentlemen or women, they get to date a lovely woman with no strings attached and wine, dine and romance her.

So, if this sounds interesting to you, and if you have what it takes to actually make this happen, feel free to write our e-mail address. Let it be known, that we travel the USA and mostly go from California to Florida, and we'll be leaving on such a trip in about 2 weeks. So if you're in the southern half of the USA and interested, you have a chance to date a wonderful lady. The e-mail, which she will read for being asked out is available from our profile. If you pm here you will be pm'ing me, and I will just give you that e-mail address. But if you want to ask me things or discuss the whole idea, please feel free to pm. I love to chat.

Be creative, introduce yourself, tell her about you, and tell her why this appeals to you. She is a very pretty 33 year old woman. And this is a grand scary adventure for her. Those who are the closest to I-10 between California and Florida (or willing to travel closer) have the best chance, but I'm betting she'd want to travel a bit off the path for someone truly creative and fun. The few people who know about this think we're nuts, and that's fine. But if you see the appeal in romance and a hubby giving his wife this opportunity, then write. Oh, and one last thing...she said women are not excluded from this offer, she'd date them too.

The Hubby

 

[RawAndNatural]

A secondary for her.

So, the two of you are seriously considering opening your mairrage and becoming polyamorous. I understand this lifestyle choice and I don't think that you two are crazy for considering it. Both of you stand to gain in areas of your relationship by doing this.

Actually, I am interested in dating a married lady, with her husbands permission, that is between the ages of 30 and 50. I would like to become a secondary lover to such a woman. This type of relationship style is called polyprimary. Her husband would be her primary lover, and be primary in her life in every way, but the secondary will be a lover that she may form emotional bonds with also in addition to sex. Some wifes go to the extent of loving their secondary, though with less commitment than to with their primary, and some wifes just consider their secondaries to be close friends with benefits to whom they care about just as other best friends. It's up to all involved as to how deep things get. Remember though, the hart cannot always supress love. So love may form and blossom, but love is not finite, so a true polyamorous wife would still have the same love for her husband as she had before meeting the secondary. All that matters is secure lifetime commitment in the primary mairrage first, then the relationship can be strong enough to encompass others.

That is just polyprimary that I'm speaking of. Other situations like V's, triads, and quads have other relationship dynamics.

Regardless of all the labelling and terminology I'm using, lots of things need to be agreed upon between all three of you at the onset of things.

At times in your post, you don't seem to mind her having some emotional feelings for someone else, then at other times, it seems that you do. I'm not clearly understanding how you feel about this. Towards the end you mention no strings. That makes it sound more like swinging or recreational sex, but going on dates and "being woed, constitutes an emotional seduction".

I am interested, but there are two things that dicourage me.

1. It seems like it would be a one time deal, due to the fact that you are traveling across to Florida, or possibly 2-3 times at most. I'm looking for to see a woman about 2-3 times a month at the least.

2. I want to be able to form a bond with her. I do not want to replace her feelings (love, respect, adoration) that she has for her husband, or have her to have equal feelings for me, but I do want to feel special and admired for who I am. I want her to desire emotional connection with me during sex, and not just lust (though the lust is hot).

So, there you have it. I'm still considering, but I'd have to understand more about the expectations of things.

About me: I'm a 26 year old single white male, 5' 7" tall, trim body and health concious. I have an associates degree. To read more about my interests, see my profile. I've just recently written it, and it needs some additional info, but it is a start.

I'm really attracted to "real" women. Down to earth average wifes. I'm not interested in a blonde bombshell.

In the last four years, I have met 3 swinging couples. I was alble to be sexual and not get emotional, even though the desire was deep down with two of them. I played by the rules and all were happy. Although, this deeper urge to connect with my sexual partners is what caused me to look into polyamory. So, that's how I've come to this point, and I do have experience with married couples.

I'm not going to email her now. I'd like to exchange more information with you first.

Regardless of the outcome with me, I'm enjoying discussing open-mairrages and polyamory here on the board.

 

[wifedates]

First off, let me thank you for writing here. I wrote that up and I knew there was some ambiguity and also that the whole idea seemed a bit strange. So this gives me a chance to clarify some aspects of this "Personal".

So, the two of you are seriously considering opening your mairrage and becoming polyamorous. I understand this lifestyle choice and I don't think that you two are crazy for considering it. Both of you stand to gain in areas of your relationship by doing this.

We are polyamorous now. We have had some experience with an open and loving lifestyle in the past. We love our ability to not only love infinitely as you say below, but also to allow the other to do the same and flourish doing so.

All that matters is secure lifetime commitment in the primary mairrage first, then the relationship can be strong enough to encompass others.

Very well said. We have a very strong relationship and great communucation which is also key.

That is just polyprimary that I'm speaking of. Other situations like V's, triads, and quads have other relationship dynamics.

We have had a long term triad in the past, as well as a medium term V, we have also toyed with other relationship dynamics, but overall almost everything we have done has always been much more "together" than this dating experiment (which includes her seperately having a relationship, or series of potential relationships outside of the safety of "together").

At times in your post, you don't seem to mind her having some emotional feelings for someone else, then at other times, it seems that you do. I'm not clearly understanding how you feel about this. Towards the end you mention no strings. That makes it sound more like swinging or recreational sex, but going on dates and "being woed, constitutes an emotional seduction".

Well, overall, I guess I am trying to put across the feeling that I (and she) are quite open to this experiment, and that we do not expect a man who ask her out to be involved longterm with her if this is more about the actual dating for them. On the other hand, we're quite open to whatever CAN develop.

The possible note of negativity you might be detecting is more based upon my experience of men from the point of view of being with a poly woman. Most men do not seem to have a mode in which they can be loving, compassionate, sensual beings in situations which are non-traditional. I fear that we may end up with this being a needle in a haystack chase. When I've brought this up in the presence of males, it seems "So, your wife wants to get laid?" is the standard thought process, which is so far from the truth here, that it makes me lose hope for her actually having something which ends up being a growing experience for her, and makes even more remote the possibility of her actually forming a more longterm love from this.

1. It seems like it would be a one time deal, due to the fact that you are traveling across to Florida, or possibly 2-3 times at most. I'm looking for to see a woman about 2-3 times a month at the least.

Well, since we travel for a living, 2-3 times per month is most likely out of the question, at least for months we're on the road. On the other hand, we travel back and forth at least 3-4 times per year, and so this means 6-8 times through the area per year.

2. I want her to desire emotional connection with me during sex, and not just lust (though the lust is hot).

If this were to get to the point of sex, with anyone, I would pray for the same thing, and I would pray the man feels the same way. One of the main points I tried to make is that this is not about "getting laid" but about dating as it is traditionally done. A patient wooing of a female, a seduction, a growing toward intimacy.

Regardless of the outcome with me, I'm enjoying discussing open-mairrages and polyamory here on the board.

I agree, and I hope this clarifies where this personal comes from. I enjoy the discussion of poly myself, and hope we can throw open a thread or two in the discussion area.

For now, suffice to say that I will curb my negativity and hope for replies that actually make me (or more specifically, since she is the one who is the center here) feel as if we've found some gems that she will WANT very much to spend her time getting to know.

Hubby

 

[wifedates]

bump!

 

[skygazer]

Bad Idea

I don't mean to throw a wet blanket on this by any means..... But has it occured to you wifedates, that if your wife takes a lover on the side as it were. That it's entirely possible that she may become so enamoured with him that she forgets all about you?...... Just a thought

 

[wifedates]

I don't mean to throw a wet blanket on this by any means..... But has it occured to you wifedates, that if your wife takes a lover on the side as it were. That it's entirely possible that she may become so enamoured with him that she forgets all about you?...... Just a thought

I occurs to most polyfolk early on. In general, it goes like this:

If she is truly poly, then she has no need to run off with another man, since having 2 men is what she wants.

If she is not poly, and I am, then the relationship is destined to fail anyway.

If she is smart, she sees that there are not many men who will love her as I do, and allow her the freedom to love another, and have sexual fun with another.

Poly is about emotional and sexual freedom, so therefore for it to work, both have to want that and believe in it for the other.

 

[wifedates]

Activity here?


BUMP!

 

[Sluggy2975]

.....

 

[MikesDream]

I live right off I-10 in Houston, about halfway on your trips.

I am not sure I am looking to get involved in a Poly relationship, but wouldn't mind meeting you both, and showing you around town.

PM if interested.