Malich
Avuncular Curmudgeon
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2005
- Posts
- 3,134
So, 2014 is going to be my year for making changes to my circumstances. The big one is my lack of a serious, regular, kink partner in my life. I am currently un-partnered from a BDSM perspective and am looking for potential play partners or, should they turn up, that one perfect female sub to call my own.
This profile might read a little bit demanding but, following a few years of difficult or disastrous relationships, I have a fairly definite set of traits or aspects that I am looking for in a new partner and, where there can be some flexibility in what I am looking for, some of them I am not willing to compromise on. Likewise I understand that I might not be everyone's ideal partner and would not expect them to compromise for me unnecessarily either.
First, in fitting with my job as a safety professional, a warning.
**CAUTION:** Quiet, dominant, English gentleman. May contain humour, sarcasm and puns. Contact with this person brings risk of conversations containing geekery, sci-fi quotes and lol-site references. May be fast approaching grumpy old man phase of life.
First I should get the personal stuff out of the way, I have been told before that it is best to let people out about my personal life in their own time and that I would interest more people if I did not lay this out straight away... But I am honest about who I am so you understand what you are getting from day one.
I am available, but not single. I am in an open / Poly relationship with my wife. We've been together 11 years (or 15 if you ask her) and hope for many more. However, we both have needs the other cannot meet. She has a number of other partners that she loves or who provide what she needs and I am free to find someone to fill the gap in my life.
Currently I am looking for someone to share my darker side with.
In a play partner, I am not looking for anything too committed. Yes, I want to feel I can be friends with them and I want to have some connection to them otherwise I'm not going to be willing to really let go in their presence. But if it's just for fun then I want to keep it that way and have it be enjoyable for both parties without either feeling it's getting too close. If I find that one perfect person I will expect to devote myself to them and do not want to leave a broken heart in my wake that I didn't realise was mine to break.
For someone who is moving towards something more serious however, that's a different story. I want someone I can share a part of my life with, someone to become a lover, not just a friend with benefits. I want someone I can see regularly, a couple of nights a week ideally, once a week as a minimum. Someone I can spend time with being a couple not just meeting up solely for play. I am looking for someone who will become part of my family, who I can make feel special, loved, cared for and as secure in our relationship as it is possible to make them. While they may never be my wife, I want them to grow as close to me as she is and for them to know I feel the same.
I am going to have to be blunt here however and say that while I do not mind if they have a same sex, sexual partner to fill that need, I am not willing to share with another man or to share with anyone else who is dominant under any circumstances. This may sound harsh, and it may sound unfair, but I have tried to share with another Dom before and it just didn't work for me. It cut into the time I was able to spend with the woman I loved and that is part of what ultimately drove us apart.
In return however, I shall not be asking them to accept me seeing other people. Yes, I have my wife, but whomever I end up with will be my only D/s play partner and I will give them as much of myself as it is practical to give, on some weeks this will be more time than I give to any other person. I offer someone who is willing to try new things within limits (I have low self esteem however, so if public play is your idea of fun I might need some support in that direction). Someone who (I have been told) is supportive beyond most people’s expectations. Someone who understands the problems associated with earlier traumas and the difficulties of working around an existing relationship and someone who is willing to give as much as he gets.
I should point out, in either case, that I do not do one night stands as it takes me a few meets (or a lot of chat) to feel comfortable performing BDSM acts with a new partner and a couple of sessions to feel I can build up to some of the more intense acts. There's no point going straight in full pelt and hurting someone, I prefer to learn a partners reactions and responses rather than have to apologise afterwards for missing something. If you're looking for a quick beating then I am not the man for you.
I am occasionally to be found at several of the Sheffield kink events and am slowly branching out to events in Derby, Nottingham and Leicester. If you see me at an event I'm always happy to talk so feel free to say hello.
Hopefully this has given you a brief insight into who I am.
References available upon request
[No, seriously, I've been promised references
]
Malich
This profile might read a little bit demanding but, following a few years of difficult or disastrous relationships, I have a fairly definite set of traits or aspects that I am looking for in a new partner and, where there can be some flexibility in what I am looking for, some of them I am not willing to compromise on. Likewise I understand that I might not be everyone's ideal partner and would not expect them to compromise for me unnecessarily either.
First, in fitting with my job as a safety professional, a warning.
**CAUTION:** Quiet, dominant, English gentleman. May contain humour, sarcasm and puns. Contact with this person brings risk of conversations containing geekery, sci-fi quotes and lol-site references. May be fast approaching grumpy old man phase of life.
First I should get the personal stuff out of the way, I have been told before that it is best to let people out about my personal life in their own time and that I would interest more people if I did not lay this out straight away... But I am honest about who I am so you understand what you are getting from day one.
I am available, but not single. I am in an open / Poly relationship with my wife. We've been together 11 years (or 15 if you ask her) and hope for many more. However, we both have needs the other cannot meet. She has a number of other partners that she loves or who provide what she needs and I am free to find someone to fill the gap in my life.
Currently I am looking for someone to share my darker side with.
In a play partner, I am not looking for anything too committed. Yes, I want to feel I can be friends with them and I want to have some connection to them otherwise I'm not going to be willing to really let go in their presence. But if it's just for fun then I want to keep it that way and have it be enjoyable for both parties without either feeling it's getting too close. If I find that one perfect person I will expect to devote myself to them and do not want to leave a broken heart in my wake that I didn't realise was mine to break.
For someone who is moving towards something more serious however, that's a different story. I want someone I can share a part of my life with, someone to become a lover, not just a friend with benefits. I want someone I can see regularly, a couple of nights a week ideally, once a week as a minimum. Someone I can spend time with being a couple not just meeting up solely for play. I am looking for someone who will become part of my family, who I can make feel special, loved, cared for and as secure in our relationship as it is possible to make them. While they may never be my wife, I want them to grow as close to me as she is and for them to know I feel the same.
I am going to have to be blunt here however and say that while I do not mind if they have a same sex, sexual partner to fill that need, I am not willing to share with another man or to share with anyone else who is dominant under any circumstances. This may sound harsh, and it may sound unfair, but I have tried to share with another Dom before and it just didn't work for me. It cut into the time I was able to spend with the woman I loved and that is part of what ultimately drove us apart.
In return however, I shall not be asking them to accept me seeing other people. Yes, I have my wife, but whomever I end up with will be my only D/s play partner and I will give them as much of myself as it is practical to give, on some weeks this will be more time than I give to any other person. I offer someone who is willing to try new things within limits (I have low self esteem however, so if public play is your idea of fun I might need some support in that direction). Someone who (I have been told) is supportive beyond most people’s expectations. Someone who understands the problems associated with earlier traumas and the difficulties of working around an existing relationship and someone who is willing to give as much as he gets.
I should point out, in either case, that I do not do one night stands as it takes me a few meets (or a lot of chat) to feel comfortable performing BDSM acts with a new partner and a couple of sessions to feel I can build up to some of the more intense acts. There's no point going straight in full pelt and hurting someone, I prefer to learn a partners reactions and responses rather than have to apologise afterwards for missing something. If you're looking for a quick beating then I am not the man for you.
I am occasionally to be found at several of the Sheffield kink events and am slowly branching out to events in Derby, Nottingham and Leicester. If you see me at an event I'm always happy to talk so feel free to say hello.
Hopefully this has given you a brief insight into who I am.
References available upon request
[No, seriously, I've been promised references
]Malich
