Soulmates and loss

[Lostgirl5960]

Walking around doing the most mundane of tasks. Wiping down the counters, putting the milk back in the fridge, sweeping the floors. At one moment, numb, at the next, raw jagged pain. Every movement my body makes is infused with you. Every thought I have is infused with you. Every tear that falls is infused with you.
I am nothing but an empty shell right now, empty but for memories of you. There is a huge gaping hole where you should be. I try to fill it with you, with our last conversation and your post. I read both over and over again trying to keep you with me. But the more of you I try to fill the hole with, the more of you I need.
The more of you I need…….

That’s what I would say to Him if He were here. But He’s not here. He most likely will never be here again. And I, at some point, will need to pick the pieces and try to move on. My heart and my soul are both broken, intense emotions pouring from each. All I can see is an empty future ahead of me, filled with nothing but heartache and pain. They say time heals all wounds. I’m not sure it does.

How does one find and lose their soulmate in 5 days? Is that even possible? Yes, it is. I just did it. When two souls that are meant for each other meet for the first time, it is an immediate melding of the two. It is all-encompassing and everything just fits together. Until doubt sets in. Why would there even be doubt if the two were now one? Because we are human. Doubt happened. The reason why is long and unimportant except between the two of us. I didn’t want Him to go. He didn’t want to go. Then why did He? Because there was hurt on both sides. He said we both needed time and space. I asked Him to stay. He said no. It wouldn’t be good for either of us. But neither is this state that I am in now. I’ve lost a huge part of me, that I only just found. I’m worried that time and space will be too much for us to ever find each other again before we are ready. Memories wane, people keep on living, new memories with others are made. Isn’t that how it usually goes? I know it does. I’ve been through that before. This time though, things are different. This time I actually lost a piece of me. The piece of me that was Him.

Why, you probably wonder, why am I putting this here? Because this is what I do. I put pen to my heartbreak, to my loss, to my pain. Yes, but why here? Maybe it’s to let everyone know they should cherish every moment they have with the one person that fits. Maybe. But maybe it is because there is a chance He might see this and read it and find it in His heart to try again. Maybe……

 

[Yearofthedragon]

I understand

My current situation with my marriage is complicated because I am in a Polyamorous relationship with my wife of 23 years and another Woman who joined the mix.

I actually met the love of my life about a month ago. Her and I were meant to be together just separated by my situation. Her and I are a complete match. We are even Chinese and Greek Zodiac matches. How does that even happen.

She agrees we are meant to be together but she said that she can’t be with me until my current situation is over. I respect her for that and totally understand how she feels and why she feels that way. She cried when we left each other. It still hurts.

I also don’t want to abandon my children because of my commitment to them. So i have to live with this pain in my heart.

I married my wife because of our son, not for love.

 

[Lostgirl5960]

My current situation with my marriage is complicated because I am in a Polyamorous relationship with my wife of 23 years and another Woman who joined the mix.

I actually met the love of my life about a month ago. Her and I were meant to be together just separated by my situation. Her and I are a complete match. We are even Chinese and Greek Zodiac matches. How does that even happen.

She agrees we are meant to be together but she said that she can’t be with me until my current situation is over. I respect her for that and totally understand how she feels and why she feels that way. She cried when we left each other. It still hurts.

I also don’t want to abandon my children because of my commitment to them. So i have to live with this pain in my heart.

I married my wife because of our son, not for love.

We do many things in life because of situations that we are in, that we wouldn't do at another time. I feel your pain in losing her and am so sorry for your loss.

 

[one_love]

Heart hurt

Gosh you guys have more tragic love stories then Game if thrones.

I know the pain you are both feeling as do many others I’m sure which doesn’t make it any better I’m aware. .

...still my heart hurts for you both. I’m sorry

 

[Jacques_Corbin]

Wow, I ached like that after my ex just up and left. She chose substance abuse over a life with me. It hurt for a long long time, but now I am much happier with my wife. So my condolences on your heartache, but keep putting one foot in front of the other, things will get better!

 

[surrenderedfaith]

I'm so sorry sweetheart. I understand this feeling. I have been there. It does get better. It takes time, but that stabbing aching hurt does stop and just becomes a dull ache. I dont think it ever completely heals, at least not for me, but it ceases being with every breath.

 

[LikeableMe]

This is exactly how I feel, and what I am going through too. He’s the only person I’ve ever loved, ever put my complete trust in. I feel absolutely broken. I had someone hitting on me yesterday, and I told him what had happened, and that I’m not interested/able to even contemplate a friendship with this new guy. He asked questions, I gave answers. Not that I owed him any, but because I’m hurting and its not healthy to bottle it up!

So this guy that was hitting on me tells me that as a man he’s envious to hear how I talk about the other guy. Apparently it is clear that I care deeply, that I took the time to really understand him. Listening to my description and feelings, he told me “you were made for him”. A statement that haunts me now. I know I’ll never get over this, and that’s okay in a way. Because it means I gave it my all.

 

[Series 6]

Walking around doing the most mundane of tasks. Wiping down the counters, putting the milk back in the fridge, sweeping the floors. At one moment, numb, at the next, raw jagged pain. Every movement my body makes is infused with you. Every thought I have is infused with you. Every tear that falls is infused with you.
I am nothing but an empty shell right now, empty but for memories of you. There is a huge gaping hole where you should be. I try to fill it with you, with our last conversation and your post. I read both over and over again trying to keep you with me. But the more of you I try to fill the hole with, the more of you I need.
The more of you I need…….

That’s what I would say to Him if He were here. But He’s not here. He most likely will never be here again. And I, at some point, will need to pick the pieces and try to move on. My heart and my soul are both broken, intense emotions pouring from each. All I can see is an empty future ahead of me, filled with nothing but heartache and pain. They say time heals all wounds. I’m not sure it does.

How does one find and lose their soulmate in 5 days? Is that even possible? Yes, it is. I just did it. When two souls that are meant for each other meet for the first time, it is an immediate melding of the two. It is all-encompassing and everything just fits together. Until doubt sets in. Why would there even be doubt if the two were now one? Because we are human. Doubt happened. The reason why is long and unimportant except between the two of us. I didn’t want Him to go. He didn’t want to go. Then why did He? Because there was hurt on both sides. He said we both needed time and space. I asked Him to stay. He said no. It wouldn’t be good for either of us. But neither is this state that I am in now. I’ve lost a huge part of me, that I only just found. I’m worried that time and space will be too much for us to ever find each other again before we are ready. Memories wane, people keep on living, new memories with others are made. Isn’t that how it usually goes? I know it does. I’ve been through that before. This time though, things are different. This time I actually lost a piece of me. The piece of me that was Him.

Why, you probably wonder, why am I putting this here? Because this is what I do. I put pen to my heartbreak, to my loss, to my pain. Yes, but why here? Maybe it’s to let everyone know they should cherish every moment they have with the one person that fits. Maybe. But maybe it is because there is a chance He might see this and read it and find it in His heart to try again. Maybe……

Are you starting to feel better? I totally understand. I've been divorced for 7 years and it is still very painful for me

 

[Destinys_Desire]

I can't say that I have been a Literotica user for long. Honestly, it's the first blog that I had ever joined. I was looking for a specific match, connection...call it what you will. I found one but it ended up being one of the most painful experiences for me.

I found an ad that on the surface seemed to be perfect as it was articulate, to the point and quickly piqued my interest, so I answered it. It didn't take long to find that the kind of love he was seeking, was something that I am not accustomed to.

He was very gentle and kind but he had a way of always wanting to push his limits upon me. I can understand wanting to push people out of their comfort zones but when it comes to love, it takes time, work and a whole lot of patience. Especially when it comes to someone like me. I'm a very shy and reserved person. When I feel threatened, I attack. He finally received his fair share of attacks and chose to never speak to me again.

Given that I had never met him in person and only viewed a few photographs, I honestly don't know if he truly exists. At least as the person he originally claimed to be. I have tried to reconnect with him in different manners but to no avail, so although I may never talk with him again, he did have a huge effect on me. It feels as though I fell in love with someone that never truly existed. At the very least, in the manner that drew me to him to begin with.

I was married before, had two children but he was a runner. The only thing you can do when you love someone, is to free them so they can continue on their life's journey. This is exactly what I did and I never regretted my decision, at the time.

The problem for me was going forward. I hadn't realized how my first marriage turned me into a very cold person so I decided that when I married again there would be no spark. This way when he ran, it would be expected...and so it was. I married for companionship and security but not for love or even a bit of lust. More like a friends with benefits, with the benefits highly skewed in his favor.

I do believe in the marital institution and how it should stay within the bounds of that institution; however, after years of a loveless marriage, I found myself missing love. I miss the passion, the wanting to give myself completely to another. I just had no idea how to go about it. Hence my crazy search on literotica.

I suppose my mistake was trying to find love on a sex forum, even if the ad seemed sincere on the surface. I have no doubt that his intentions were good but I was too insecure within myself. Both of us married, mine not happily and his mate, one he would never give up. So there lied the dilemma. It quickly became a huge obstacle for me. It quickly reminded me of my first marriage. He may feel it's within his rights to seek a love type relationship while remaining within his marital institution. I just could never allow his wife to ever feel as though I had. It's not something that I would wish upon another, even if his wife would have never been a friend of mine.

I could never say I was a saint in any way. My first marriage was riddled with mixed feelings. If he ran, so did I. The problem being, it was ok for him but not for me. He never knew I ran, until I needed him to sign the divorce papers. He refused until I finally told him that I was just as unfaithful to him as he had been to me. Once said, there was no hesitation on his part.

I suppose, if one wants to be in an open marriage, it needs to be open for both. One cannot continue to pine for another nor should feel guilty for doing exactly as your partner does. I do believe in the marital institution, one where there is no defilement, even if it's something that I may never experience.

I honestly don't know if I will ever find it, at least in this life. I learned a lot with the short time I spent with this friend from lit. He wanted to love and lose and I played that role for him. Sadly, I was never looking to love and lose. It's all I had ever known, so why would I put myself there? It became obvious, I'm a people pleaser. I gave him what he asked, with no regard for my feelings or the effect going forward.

There hasn't been a day that he has escaped my thoughts. I believe I had this experience for a reason. He may have been a soulmate/twin flame and I may never know, but this is something I have come accustomed to expect. Someone who is attached to another and would always be, by admission, could never in reality be the kind of love I need or deserve.

Anyway, I don't mention names at least in blogs and I wouldn't start now. He knows who he is and that's all that matters. Maybe writing my thoughts in this blog will help me let him go. However, one thing that is for certain, it hasn't nor will be easy, even now. He had a way of mirroring me (light). I also have another mirror that doesn't walk among us any longer (dark). So full of passion that it got the best of him. I suppose I would have never found the second mirror if I had quit searching for the first.

So yea, we as humans are both light and dark. There can be no denying this, even if we try with all our might. We are the reflection of the natural world and denying this is aspect is self destructive.

I know it's not fair for me to expect him to come back around although I may always continue to wish he would reconsider. Even if only as friends. He deserves to find what he searches for and it's not my place to push myself upon him. He told me many times that I was not the one but I never wanted to accept this, still don't. I just know that I must. Doing anything other is selfish, something that I never knew I could be, nor nothing that I want to aspire to be. It takes two who know love when they feel it and have a strong desire to make it work through all the faults. It's the only way it could ever last forever. Nothing more, nothing less.

It sounds a bit crazy to find someone with the prospect of being a sole mate on a sex blog but it is what it is, at least it was for me.

 

[WillJ8787]

Thank you for saying what you need to say

Sending you thoughts of kindness. I'm am sad with you!

 

[tolos]

Walking around doing the most mundane of tasks. Wiping down the counters, putting the milk back in the fridge, sweeping the floors. At one moment, numb, at the next, raw jagged pain. Every movement my body makes is infused with you. Every thought I have is infused with you. Every tear that falls is infused with you.
I am nothing but an empty shell right now, empty but for memories of you. There is a huge gaping hole where you should be. I try to fill it with you, with our last conversation and your post. I read both over and over again trying to keep you with me. But the more of you I try to fill the hole with, the more of you I need.
The more of you I need…….

That’s what I would say to Him if He were here. But He’s not here. He most likely will never be here again. And I, at some point, will need to pick the pieces and try to move on. My heart and my soul are both broken, intense emotions pouring from each. All I can see is an empty future ahead of me, filled with nothing but heartache and pain. They say time heals all wounds. I’m not sure it does.

How does one find and lose their soulmate in 5 days? Is that even possible? Yes, it is. I just did it. When two souls that are meant for each other meet for the first time, it is an immediate melding of the two. It is all-encompassing and everything just fits together. Until doubt sets in. Why would there even be doubt if the two were now one? Because we are human. Doubt happened. The reason why is long and unimportant except between the two of us. I didn’t want Him to go. He didn’t want to go. Then why did He? Because there was hurt on both sides. He said we both needed time and space. I asked Him to stay. He said no. It wouldn’t be good for either of us. But neither is this state that I am in now. I’ve lost a huge part of me, that I only just found. I’m worried that time and space will be too much for us to ever find each other again before we are ready. Memories wane, people keep on living, new memories with others are made. Isn’t that how it usually goes? I know it does. I’ve been through that before. This time though, things are different. This time I actually lost a piece of me. The piece of me that was Him.

Why, you probably wonder, why am I putting this here? Because this is what I do. I put pen to my heartbreak, to my loss, to my pain. Yes, but why here? Maybe it’s to let everyone know they should cherish every moment they have with the one person that fits. Maybe. But maybe it is because there is a chance He might see this and read it and find it in His heart to try again. Maybe……

I truly feel for you - loss can feel completely debilitating and overwhelming.
I was in a relationship for 12 years and she passed away suddenly (only took a month) after she was diagnosed with a type of cancer. We went from talking about marriage to her suddenly being gone... forever. I know it's different from divorce, but not completely. There was no closure to anything... just a sudden void in life. That happened 7 years ago and it took me moving to another state for a new job to have a new start. I still haven't met anyone, but I haven't really tried too hard either. LOL Someday, maybe I'll meet a beautiful woman (inside and out) but I've found that as long as I can find happiness where I'm at in life, it's a good thing.

Stay strong and know it DOES get better!

 

[Deleted member 1306910]

I know that right now, you may not want to hear this, but time does make it easier. That sense of tragic loss never quite goes away, you'll always feel like you missed an opportunity. But in time you'll be able to look at it a little less emotionally and put things into a kind of perspective. Maybe you just weren't ready. Maybe you will be later.

...and you know, lately I've been thinking, nothing says you can't love again either. It might not be quite as intense, but...maybe? Maybe it will.

Maybe it is time I put that out into the universe myself.

 

[Bjerget]

Wow this could have been me writing this.

Sorry to the OP and everyone else who has expressed loss in this thread. It only gets easier with time, and even then not really so much easier. I wish better for us all, not because we deserve it, but because we've earned it. Putting that much effort into love, only to have it neglected, discarded, abused or thrown back in our faces is a great undertaking. One I for certain would do again in a heartbeat.

Love is always a worthwhile endeavour regardless how it turns out, and even though I may never find someone so perfect for me again, I'll be damned if I don't try. Stay strong, my lovesick friends. You can always find a friend in me.

 

[Lostgirl5960]

I don't know if things necessarily get easier. I think they just get different. What we have all had is still a part of us. We just find a spot in our hearts and memories for what was and move on. Hopefully we find a taste of what we had knowing it won't be exactly the same but it can still be something wondersul..

 

[hardbiker82]

I don't know if things necessarily get easier. I think they just get different. What we have all had is still a part of us. We just find a spot in our hearts and memories for what was and move on. Hopefully we find a taste of what we had knowing it won't be exactly the same but it can still be something wondersul..

Definitely. For me, it took a while, and I still have fond memories of the times and occasionally spend some time re-living it in my mind. But I am learning there is a new me now and I am loving it.

 

[Booboobear84]

The thing I identify with is an intense short relationship. I had voice with someone who used to be here. Fell for her like I was a teen. She was amazing and we were super simpatico. Then she just broke it off. Never found out why.

 

[DDBustyBrit]

It sounds a bit crazy to find someone with the prospect of being a sole mate on a sex blog but it is what it is, at least it was for me.

You’re not crazy at all. If you are, well then you’re in very good company, trust me.

 

[DDBustyBrit]

I don't know if things necessarily get easier. I think they just get different. What we have all had is still a part of us. We just find a spot in our hearts and memories for what was and move on. Hopefully we find a taste of what we had knowing it won't be exactly the same but it can still be something wondersul..

This is exactly right, but don’t lose hope, I’m proof that what you think you had found here wasn’t it. But sometimes what follows just might be... only commitment over a longer period of time will prove or disprove these relationships ultimately.

I am much more cautious about trusting now and firmly believe time together is the key. Most people can pretend for 1-6 months. IMHO it’s the period from 6 months on where the players/fakers/non-commital types will struggle to keep their mask in place.

Best advice I’ve been given by another Litster - you can’t let that bad experience close you down to other potential relationships, or you may miss out on something even better.

 

[Specula]

Walking around doing the most mundane of tasks. Wiping down the counters, putting the milk back in the fridge, sweeping the floors. At one moment, numb, at the next, raw jagged pain. Every movement my body makes is infused with you. Every thought I have is infused with you. Every tear that falls is infused with you.
I am nothing but an empty shell right now, empty but for memories of you. There is a huge gaping hole where you should be. I try to fill it with you, with our last conversation and your post. I read both over and over again trying to keep you with me. But the more of you I try to fill the hole with, the more of you I need.
The more of you I need…….

That’s what I would say to Him if He were here. But He’s not here. He most likely will never be here again. And I, at some point, will need to pick the pieces and try to move on. My heart and my soul are both broken, intense emotions pouring from each. All I can see is an empty future ahead of me, filled with nothing but heartache and pain. They say time heals all wounds. I’m not sure it does.

How does one find and lose their soulmate in 5 days? Is that even possible? Yes, it is. I just did it. When two souls that are meant for each other meet for the first time, it is an immediate melding of the two. It is all-encompassing and everything just fits together. Until doubt sets in. Why would there even be doubt if the two were now one? Because we are human. Doubt happened. The reason why is long and unimportant except between the two of us. I didn’t want Him to go. He didn’t want to go. Then why did He? Because there was hurt on both sides. He said we both needed time and space. I asked Him to stay. He said no. It wouldn’t be good for either of us. But neither is this state that I am in now. I’ve lost a huge part of me, that I only just found. I’m worried that time and space will be too much for us to ever find each other again before we are ready. Memories wane, people keep on living, new memories with others are made. Isn’t that how it usually goes? I know it does. I’ve been through that before. This time though, things are different. This time I actually lost a piece of me. The piece of me that was Him.

Why, you probably wonder, why am I putting this here? Because this is what I do. I put pen to my heartbreak, to my loss, to my pain. Yes, but why here? Maybe it’s to let everyone know they should cherish every moment they have with the one person that fits. Maybe. But maybe it is because there is a chance He might see this and read it and find it in His heart to try again. Maybe……

You could be a poet. Expressions of your soul.

 

[ericsmith1212]

Like sands through an hourglass, so are the days of our lives.

 

[Lostgirl5960]

You could be a poet. Expressions of your soul.

Thank you