Soul Mates

[deathlynx]

So the Mrs and I were having a discussion (no bruises this time ) and we came upon the subject of Soul Mates...What does everyone think of them? Do you believe everyone has a soul mate? Is there only one person in the world for you or can you have more than one possible? Thoughts?

In general I'm a romantic (read my stories and that becomes painfully obvious) but somehow I just don't seem to believe that there's "one right person" in the world for everyone...myabe it's the likelyhood of finding that person...maybe it's just that I think people can build lasting relatioships...Or maybe I'm just too jaded...I'm not ruling out the possibility of soul mates entirely but I don't think that there's only one right person who completes me...

 

[Just-Legal]

I didn't, but now I do, for one simple reason - my fiance.

A long discussion we had led on to the subject of soulmates, and he remarked that the day he met me he was blown away because he felt like he knew me, but had no idea from where. Slowly but surely he realised that I was - quite literally - his dream girl. But I'm not just a fantasy, I am real and he loves me for me. Its just he happened to know me before he *cough* knew me

 

[Noor]

So the Mrs and I were having a discussion (no bruises this time ) and we came upon the subject of Soul Mates...What does everyone think of them? Do you believe everyone has a soul mate? Is there only one person in the world for you or can you have more than one possible? Thoughts?

In general I'm a romantic (read my stories and that becomes painfully obvious) but somehow I just don't seem to believe that there's "one right person" in the world for everyone...myabe it's the likelyhood of finding that person...maybe it's just that I think people can build lasting relatioships...Or maybe I'm just too jaded...I'm not ruling out the possibility of soul mates entirely but I don't think that there's only one right person who completes me...

I believe there are many people in the world one could have a successful long term relationship with. I also believe that everyone has at least one kindred spirit but I am not sure that is the same as what you mean by soul mate. I can tell you that when you find your kindred spirit it is like nothing else, they bring light into your life in ways you never thought possible. I don't believe it is necessary to marry your kindred spirit or even have a romantic attachment, but I think when you find them you should try to keep them in your life in some way. I met mine several years ago and when he disappeared into the darkness, the light in my spirit left with him.

 

[3113]

I think the term "soul mate" is problematic. It's problematic because it makes people think that there's someone out there so *perfect* for them that they're never going to have an argument, or problems, or need to put in a single bit of effort to make the relationsip work. Like a fairytale, this prince charming (or princess charming) will match up to you like puzzle pieces fitting together and it will be magic forever, and ever, and ever.

Which means that when the relationship they're in hits a rocky period, they often say, "He/she wasn't my soul mate" and bail.

That people who are widowed can happily remarry indicates that there is more than one person out there for us. And I think we all know that however magically compatatble a couple, there will be rocky patches they need to work through.

That said, I do believe there are people out there that we click with. That the connection with seem more "magical." To me a "soul mate" is the person who looks at your faults--the ones that others don't understand or find annoying, like how you can never find your car keys--and find thems adorable and loveable rather than annoying. You sometimes have the same thoughts, you compliment each other. That's enough of a soulmate for me.

 

[JamesSD]

I don't believe in fate. I don't believe in soul mates. We can be compatible with a lot of different people, to different degrees. Love is something that starts with infatuation, but with time grows into something deeper and more meaningful. Wihtout effort it can wilt and die.

 

[deathlynx]

An interesting mix of perceptions already...And no, I certainly don't believe that finding your soul mate is the key to never arguing or disagreeing...No two people are ever going to agree and be happy with each other all of the time...

I like what you said Noor... "when you find your kindred spirit it is like nothing else, they bring light into your life in ways you never thought possible."

I think what soul mates are to eacvh other depends on what each person needs...Someone to support them, or who they can support? Someone who accepts their oddities without question? Someone who makes suggestions to better them? Maybe all or none of these...

 

[amicus]

How much honesty do you want here, I wonder? Not just personal honesty, which I will offer, but in general?

I 'think', we all seek that which compliments that which we are, from the day we become old enough and aware enough to realized that we are not complete within ourselves. (?)

I know I have sought that 'kindred soul', 'soul mate', use the description that please you, for all of my life and....never found it...not completely.

In part, yes... for a while, yes...for certain? So I thought...but not to be.

But we search. Must we search? I think so. Must we search as perfection evades us, and thus elicit betrayal? Yes, I think so. And someone always gets hurt as one knows before the other.

I think that is why I write...as I cannot speak for others. But I write to delve into the mysteries of the search and the quest for fulfillment and happiness.

It may well be self contradictory, even the quest, as we all, each and every one, change and grow, day to day, and the growth is seldom symmetrical or at the same rate.

But...therein lies love and romance and intrigue, and so I write on, may the devil be the hindmost...


amicus...

 

[S-Des]

I think we have many people who fit with us in different ways. When Kiten and I started talking, we were shocked at how much we thought alike and enjoyed the same things. We do fit each other like a puzzle and rarely argue, but there are areas where we are not 'perfect' together. I'm sure I could meet other women who might fit other areas, but would never fit as well with the places she does. There is no such thing as one "soulmate" who fits in all areas, but there are people who fulfill different aspects of our personalities. I agree with 3113, a lot of it is someone who happens to enjoy the idiosyncracies that make you annoying to so many others (hence, not as much aggravation in the relationship).

She never ceases to amaze me by thinking my quirks are cute, when they caused other women to turn up their noses. It's a beautiful thing because I can be myself and not have to worry about it ruining things (and I feel the same about her). This allows me to focus on being a better person...not because I'm afraid what could happen if I don't, but because I feel like she deserves my best.

 

[floweringquince]

In a long career of serial dating, I've encounter two truly kindred spirits, one of whom might be my soul mate. (And a lot of of frogs who failed to turn into princes.)

Great and Everlasting Love of My Life #3 was a kindred spirit: he understood how I thought, had insights into me that even I didn't have. He shared my (large) range of interests, and had similiar politcal and social outlooks, and a similar emotional "landscape."
(However, there were problems left over from a former marriage, mostly stemming from his not having ever actually gotten that divorce he'd told me about. We shared lots of traits, but apparetly not the same ethics.)

(For the curious, G&ELoML#1 would have worked out better if he'd realized that his plans for me to drop my career to have and raise his 6 or 8 children might not be compatible with my plans for my life.

G&ELoML#2 was a very sweet guy who just happened to be a complusive exhibitionist who had inflcited his fetish on unwary hotel maids often enough to become a registered sex offender. For me, NC/R stuff may be fun in fantasy; but I find it utterly replusive in real life.)

My current BF is a kindred spirit (with a well-documented divorce , and he might be my soul mate. There's a feeling of incompleteness, of my not being quite properly synced up to and comfortable in the world, that I have always felt - but it goes away when I'm with him.

But even if he is my soul mate, I'm not his. His soul mate died of leukemia after a brief marriage when they were both very young.

Is that possible? If there are soul mates, that they could be mismatched? If so, what a weird world this is.

(If not, it's still a pretty weird world

- quince

 

[MrsDeathlynx]

Soulmates in my opinion are two people who know they belong together, not two people who think some higher cosmic power brought them together. These two people will last no matter what comes there way, no matter what life hands them they will survive and they will do it together.

With so many souls out there I do not think it can be determined whether or not one has only one soulmate, as the population grows more and more souls are brought into this world.

Soulmates give their all to one another, both in good times and in bad. Soulmates accept the fact that you aren't perfect, in fact they embrace it with open arms and accept who you are with faults and all.

Soulmates compromise when necessary, even if it means changing what you believe in order to do so. There's a reason for the phrase 'give and take', because there are some things that are necessary to take in life and there are some things that you have to give.

Soulmates are joined in the heart, living each other through both the thick and the thin, giving the meaning to the phrase 'true love'.

I think that's one of the beautiful things about love and the concept of soulmates, everyone is allowed to believe what they wish and interpret as they wish.

 

[Vermilion]

I think soul mates doesn't have to just apply to your lover. I think you can have multiple soul mates and I think you can tell who they are fairly quickly in most cases - those people who touch you and are part of your life forever, even if they only stick around for a short while. Yes, I'm slightly out of it on pain meds and tiredness right now, but I still feel my point has validity.

My mum is one of my soul mates.

Her and the fiance are really two of ym favouritist favouritist peoples ever.
x
V

 

[Guest]

its the term that bothers me. too cliche.
if it weren't for that, i would say yes, i do believe that certain people will always belong together. ofcourse im adding lucky and me into the mix. how else can i explain finding my love over 1800 miles away? too much left to chance there to be anything but meant to be.
so thats my belief. hate lables. what is, is.

 

[MrsDeathlynx]

I think soul mates doesn't have to just apply to your lover. I think you can have multiple soul mates and I think you can tell who they are fairly quickly in most cases - those people who touch you and are part of your life forever, even if they only stick around for a short while. Yes, I'm slightly out of it on pain meds and tiredness right now, but I still feel my point has validity.

My mum is one of my soul mates.

Her and the fiance are really two of ym favouritist favouritist peoples ever.
x
V

Just like you can love more than one person, I have to agree with this one.

 

[impressive]

I have had several soul mates. No, seriously.

The first was in high school. John & I clicked. We were good together. Within a year, it was clear to me that forging a life with him would be a horrid mistake. It was not, however, clear to him until much later. (Now, in hindsight, he totally agrees with me.)

At that time and in that place, he was my soul mate. We still share the connection of many fond memories. We also share the relief that we didn't force it to last.

People grow & change. Yeah, it's cliche. What was right for me then is not right for me now. I believe we all hope, even often assume & expect, that our growth/change will occur along the same trajectory as our soul mate's. However, if it does not, it does not negate the earlier purpose served or invalidate the intensity of the feelings.

There ARE undoubtedly people with whom we share a "magical" connection. I do not believe such matches exist in a 1:1 ratio, though. Most often, the emotional vulnerability associated with being laid bare before another soul is self-limiting. We each have an emotional threshhold beyond which our fight/flight instinct tips toward flight.

 

[angelicminx]

Soulmates? Yeah I believe they exist. There may be more than one per person, to keep it from being so hard to find them.

As for me, I believe I've found mine... or rather we found each other. For the first time in my life I feel complete. Sure, we've had our problems. I've made him angry, and he's made me cry, but that doesn't mean we weren't meant to be together. Every trial we've encountered has made us stonger, has made our love for one another stronger.

I've done things I never thought I would do in a million years, not because he expects it or asks for it but because I can't imagine doing anything else. Everything just feels... right. I have several 'quirks' I'm trying to work through (for me) that would likely irritate other men, but he understands them and is supportive of me. I see him making changes to his own views. Those changes come from within; I would never ask him to change, and if he didn't that would be fine too.

We often complete each other's sentences or thoughts. Every day, several times a day, one of us has called the other and mentioned something we were thinking, only to find out that the other had the same thought at the same time. There are times when we compare our days and find that our minds were in the same place at the same time, even if we weren't able to communicate much during the day.

I remember one day something like that happened. I don't recall the subject matter, but he mentioned something and I immediately had to ask him what time it happened. The time matched, to the minute, to what I had experienced. It's so hard to explain all this in mere words. We've had even the most obscure thoughts at the same time, even when we were miles apart.

The night we met, playing poker on the internet, there was a connection that I couldn't explain. I chaulked it up to loneliness. How on earth could a connection exist with someone I couldn't see or hear? Yet the compulsion remained. I don't share my work with just anyone I meet, it's too 'dangerous', but within a couple of hours he and I were on yahoo and I was sending him my stories. We talked long into the night, and every night for months. It was hard for me to stop talking to him, even to go to bed.

For a while before he moved here we even fell asleep on the phone together. (Silly I know.) One month our minute usage was 19k plus. But I couldn't imagine NOT talking to him. I've never been like that my entire life, and he says he wasn't either.

We go though our day fully connected, only having to recharge when the forces of nature overwhelm us and we forget we don't have to face the challenges in life alone. Thankfully that doesn't happen often.

He leaves me messages on the mornings I get up later than he does. He brightens every single day. He keeps me grouded, but still allows me to fly, if that makes sense. He knows my mind inside out, as well as my body. He has from the very beginning. I feel like I've known him my whole life.

I've found my soul mate, the love of my life, my best friend... my heart and breath.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Yes and no.

There isn't just "one" person for everyone. But I do believe we find the people we need to find, along the way, to help move us forward and fulfill whatever purpose we have here... to learn the things we need to learn...

I don't know if we have multiple lifetimes--if there's such a thing as reincarnation... I've heard people describe "soulmates" as people we "knew in a previous life"... or have some sort of "sacred contract" with (i.e. Carolyn Myss)...

I guess the idea of whether there's an afterlife or not and I'll be in it or not (or a beforelife and if I've been in it!) just doesn't interest me... here and now interests me...

But there IS something to that idea/feeling: "I know this person--this is a kindred spirit, we are sympatico!" And it doesn't just happen with lovers.

As for Mrs. DL's explanation of "soulmate"... that's my definition of "Marriage."

 

[Noor]

I am not sure you can search for kindred spirits, I think you just find them or them you. With mine they saw it first, long before I did.

 

[inlovewithyourghost]

I believe whole-heartedly in soul mates. Though I don't know that I believe that there is only One out there for me. I have met many people in my life who have made deep and lasting impressions on me... forever changing who I am. And what is more... there are many people out there that I haven't met yet, and never will meet. And my heart yearns for them in ways I can't describe.

Of course much of this stems from my belief that our souls existed long before this life and will continue to exist long after it. That there are individuals we were very close with in a past we can't remember. Individuals we are forever bound to... with whom we have exchanged a piece of our very essence. And I feel that these are our soul mates. If we are fortunate enough to encounter any of them in this life... we recognize them immediately. Because we can feel that piece of our soul which they carry with them. Feels safe. Like being home. Like being made complete and whole.

I also don't think that "Soul Mate" should be confused with "True Love". I think they both exist. But I don't know that they necessarily have to be one and the same. I think that "Pure Love" exists between soul mates. But that two people do not have to be Soul Mates to experience "True Love". Lastly, I believe it is possible that they can coexists in the same relationship... but I also believe it is the exception to the rule... you can always spot the couples who have it...

 

[R. Richard]

People grow & change. Yeah, it's cliche. What was right for me then is not right for me now. I believe we all hope, even often assume & expect, that our growth/change will occur along the same trajectory as our soul mate's. However, if it does not, it does not negate the earlier purpose served or invalidate the intensity of the feelings.

As Impressive points out, people change over time. The change may be growth or regression. If a person finds a 'soul mate' and builds a world around that soul mate, what then happens if the soul mate changes and undermines the world that you have built?

Feelings and emoptions are fine, but the rent comes due every month.

 

[impressive]

As Impressive points out, people change over time. The change may be growth or regression. If a person finds a 'soul mate' and builds a world around that soul mate, what then happens if the soul mate changes and undermines the world that you have built?

Feelings and emoptions are fine, but the rent comes due every month.

I believe that's where trust, integrity, and respect come in to play -- both for yourself and for your partner.

 

[cloudy]

I think soul mates doesn't have to just apply to your lover.

I agree.

Abs and I clicked from the very first day I started posting here. We've called each other "soul sisters" for the longest time. I believe we were separated at birth.

As far as romantic relationships go, I think that there are plenty of people out there that I could make a relationship work with, but probably not so many that I would find that elusive chemistry with. My SO makes me feel complete, safe, and understood like no one else ever has. I'm completely myself with him - no hidden corners...there's nothing I can't say to him, or tell him. He loves me because of my faults, not in spite of them.

 

[mjl2010]

I'm thankful I've not grown so cynical to think that such a thing does not exist. I met my own soul mate 17 years ago last month. It took three years before we had a real argument. Even now after being married this long I can say that we've had so few "Real" arguments you could count them on one hand.

Like was said above, we just click. We fit like a hand in a glove. (more ways than one too!) Within weeks of meeting her I knew I wanted to marry her and it wasn't just lust. It was something else. Like someone else said, we were just like we knew each other already. That was so cool and unreal.

Eight months after we met, we had the hall, the church, the band and everything all set to go. It occurred to me one night I hadn't even asked her to marry me. We'd just gone along like this was what we were doing. So I got my shit together, bought the biggest diamond I could not afford and reserved a semi-private room at a restaurant. After desert I told her why I wanted to marry her and then asked her when I gave her the ring.

LOL she teared up and started to cry, then ran off to the ladies. the other couple in the room thought I'd insulted her or something. They kept giving me dirty looks. She came back, makeup fixed and all that, hugged me and finally after all that, said yes. The other couple heard and I was finally not the jerk they thought I was. Not that I cared much.

Soul mates. Yep I sure do believe.

MJL

 

[Selena_Kitt]

I'm thankful I've not grown so cynical to think that such a thing does not exist. I met my own soul mate 17 years ago last month. It took three years before we had a real argument. Even now after being married this long I can say that we've had so few "Real" arguments you could count them on one hand.

Like was said above, we just click. We fit like a hand in a glove. (more ways than one too!) Within weeks of meeting her I knew I wanted to marry her and it wasn't just lust. It was something else. Like someone else said, we were just like we knew each other already. That was so cool and unreal.

Eight months after we met, we had the hall, the church, the band and everything all set to go. It occurred to me one night I hadn't even asked her to marry me. We'd just gone along like this was what we were doing. So I got my shit together, bought the biggest diamond I could not afford and reserved a semi-private room at a restaurant. After desert I told her why I wanted to marry her and then asked her when I gave her the ring.

LOL she teared up and started to cry, then ran off to the ladies. the other couple in the room thought I'd insulted her or something. They kept giving me dirty looks. She came back, makeup fixed and all that, hugged me and finally after all that, said yes. The other couple heard and I was finally not the jerk they thought I was. Not that I cared much.

Soul mates. Yep I sure do believe.

MJL

awwwwww

But I have to say... there's something to be said for "make up sex"

 

[Noor]

As Impressive points out, people change over time. The change may be growth or regression. If a person finds a 'soul mate' and builds a world around that soul mate, what then happens if the soul mate changes and undermines the world that you have built?

Feelings and emoptions are fine, but the rent comes due every month.

I think what you are talking about is different than what I am talking about. Kindred spirits/soul mates are always that, the connection is always there, they can hurt each other, mess up, repressive their feelings, try to destroy them or the connection but it remains there forever, there is no change over time.
People builds relationships, and they can fail. One can delude themselves into thinking that which they desire to possess or are infatuated with is their soul mate, but many times I have seen people use that word lightly and have no problem finding the next "soulmate."

For myself and my kindred spirit, he has been darkness for years, I have been hurt by his illness many times, he disappears and reappears, the last time he reappeared briefly he was being horrible, and it hurts like hell when I think about it, but he is still my kindred spirit and we are still connected.

 

[mismused]

delete