Son Of The Minotaur

[MrPessimist]

I'm looking for feedback on my first erotic story series ever. The first two are up and others will follow.

Basically it follows Joe, a nice guy who discovers that his biological father was a particularly nasty serial rapist as he comes to terms with it. This being an erotic stories archive he does so by becoming a male porn star in a fetish-based production company. Hijinks ensue!

Enjoy!

Son Of The Minotaur Ch 1
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=218462

Son Of The Minotaur Ch 2
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=222827

 

[kbate]

I'm looking for feedback on my first erotic story series ever. The first two are up and others will follow.

Basically it follows Joe, a nice guy who discovers that his biological father was a particularly nasty serial rapist as he comes to terms with it. This being an erotic stories archive he does so by becoming a male porn star in a fetish-based production company. Hijinks ensue!

Enjoy!

Son Of The Minotaur Ch 1
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=218462

Son Of The Minotaur Ch 2
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=222827

Chapter 1 based comments.

I would recommend finding a Lit editor, you have many grammar and sentence structure errors of types that would be easily found and corrected.

As the nicknames "bull and minotaur" are important to your story, the "for obvious reasons" is insufficient explanation of their creation. That would have been a good place to throw in one of his abortive sex scenes in some detail, the story is meant to be etorica after all and Chapter 1 is almost entirely devoid of sexual content; not bad if it is to be novel but fatal if it is to remain a short story, Lit readers will hit back and move on.

Chapter 2.

The sex scenes are fine, but after all the talk of STD's, safety, following rules, etc.. I think a little more realism would have been in line.

Still many grammar/ sentence problems and errors an editor would catch.

---------

Plot -

(for short story) Not bad, perhaps too much time building up the "father's legacy" and the FBI/police scenes could be trimmed or actually expanded greatly for a novel length.

Overall, I think it would be better as a novelette in which you could take more time or a complete chapter to detail the adventures of the "minotaur" and perhaps more detail about the "bulls" escapades and adventures with the police/FBI without being forced to cram it together with the interview, sex, and letters from mom.

The editing and grammar errors greatly lower the readability of the story.

 

[MrPessimist]

Although I have no intentions of novelizing it makes sence to expand those things if I did. Agreed. "Chapter" was just the best short word I could think of that sent the impression that I intend to have multiple installments.


As for the lack of erotica in Ch 1, I defend my position by stating that I couldn't think of anything that didn't feel the forced or ruined the story's flow. In my humble opinion the best erotic stories were the ones that just happen to have people fukkin' in them. Take out the sex scenes and the really good erotic stories are still not bad. Trust me, SotM Chapter 1 was a lot worse with the aborted sex scenes in. If a future chapter is the same way, then again I will leave it out. I'm here to tell a story that I hope is both a good one and will get your rocks off. If you just want to get off without reading a story you probably could find better places on the internet then Literotica.

As for the occasional spelling and grammer error, all I can say is I write in my spare time. My best skills are in mathematics and physics. I'll try to keep mistakes to a dull roar but they are going to happen.

That's just my humble opinion.

 

[kbate]

Although I have no intentions of novelizing it makes sence to expand those things if I did. Agreed. "Chapter" was just the best short word I could think of that sent the impression that I intend to have multiple installments.
//snip//
If you just want to get off without reading a story you probably could find better places on the internet then Literotica.

As for the occasional spelling and grammer error, all I can say is I write in my spare time. My best skills are in mathematics and physics. I'll try to keep mistakes to a dull roar but they are going to happen.

That's just my humble opinion.

You asked for feedback and that is what I gave; your second post indicates that you wanted validation rather than an honest criticism.

I find it ridiculous to be expected to enjoy stories that are borderline illiterate because writers refuse to seek assistance. Normally when reading literotica stories filled with poor grammar and misspellings I do not finish the story, but close the window and move on. I did read both of your stories in their entirety regardless of errors, in the interest of a fair criticism.

Writing in one's spare time and making mistakes are the primary reasons to employ one of Literotica's fine editors. Most will find all typos and will correct the sentences which contain illegal or improper grammar; few will change your story in significant ways. All professional writers use editors, why do amateurs think them unnecessary?

I am sorry I wasted our time. That is my humble opinion.

 

[MrPessimist]

I'm sorry man. Maybe I did want some validation but I just thought we weren't seeing eye to eye on some important things and wanted to correct it before it got further. My philosophy on erotic stories for example.

You do make a good point about editors. I'll use them in the future.




BTW- I tried to PM you kbate to make sure you got the message, but it told me your folder was full. Just to let you know.