Regis2001
Interdimensional monarch
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2004
- Posts
- 1,191
Guilty? About what?
Well, for not having faced more homophobia is what.
Perhaps I should explain. When talking to gay or bisexual friends, I keep coming across tales of the prejudice they have had to face. Parents have attempted to deny it, friends have disowned them, there have been jibes, taunts, and all sorts of problems. All of them who faced these things have come out stronger people, secure in their sexual identity, proud of who they are and unwilling to take any abuse from anyone.
So why feel guilty? Why not be grateful for my loving parents who went out of their way to show that they still loved me - that is, by not making a big deal of it? My friends who just shrugged and said it didn't matter, and they'd kind of suspected anyway? Well, I suppose it's because of two things. Firstly, I feel bad that I got opportunities that others didn't. Get the feelings of injustice out of the way first. But then comes the second one.
It often seems to me that the conflict my friends have faced has been instrumental to the full development of their sexuality. They have turned out strong, self-assured people not in spite of their troubles but because of them. Faced with this, I sometimes find myself questioning my motivations. How can I hold myself equally as sure of myself as these people when they have been tested and I have not? What right have I to complain of homophobia in others when it has never so much as inconvenienced me? How can I claim to be bisexual when this decision has never been challenged?
That last point is an example of how ludicrously maudlin I can get when these phases come over me, and is usually dismissed whenever the boyfriend turns up again. But it still nags at me.
Whatever. I realise as I type this that the problem is largely the self-indulgent guilt of the middle-class white male, worried that somehow his privilege spoils his principles. However, for what it's worth, here it is. My guilt for all to see. And much good may it do you.
Well, for not having faced more homophobia is what.
Perhaps I should explain. When talking to gay or bisexual friends, I keep coming across tales of the prejudice they have had to face. Parents have attempted to deny it, friends have disowned them, there have been jibes, taunts, and all sorts of problems. All of them who faced these things have come out stronger people, secure in their sexual identity, proud of who they are and unwilling to take any abuse from anyone.
So why feel guilty? Why not be grateful for my loving parents who went out of their way to show that they still loved me - that is, by not making a big deal of it? My friends who just shrugged and said it didn't matter, and they'd kind of suspected anyway? Well, I suppose it's because of two things. Firstly, I feel bad that I got opportunities that others didn't. Get the feelings of injustice out of the way first. But then comes the second one.
It often seems to me that the conflict my friends have faced has been instrumental to the full development of their sexuality. They have turned out strong, self-assured people not in spite of their troubles but because of them. Faced with this, I sometimes find myself questioning my motivations. How can I hold myself equally as sure of myself as these people when they have been tested and I have not? What right have I to complain of homophobia in others when it has never so much as inconvenienced me? How can I claim to be bisexual when this decision has never been challenged?
That last point is an example of how ludicrously maudlin I can get when these phases come over me, and is usually dismissed whenever the boyfriend turns up again. But it still nags at me.
Whatever. I realise as I type this that the problem is largely the self-indulgent guilt of the middle-class white male, worried that somehow his privilege spoils his principles. However, for what it's worth, here it is. My guilt for all to see. And much good may it do you.
