Something Screams "Rape!", Here

[Mac98]

Hi everyone,

I'm seeking advice here yet again because I'm really stuck between a rock and a hard place, here!

A friend of mine went to the doctor's office yesterday morning for a prescription (I'm not sure of the details behind the reason she went there, exactly). She told me her doctor was really odd and kept touching her shoulders and giving her odd winks and whatnot... he even told her he'd be ready to give her some private councelling at his house and gave her his address as well as directions on how to get there (and apparently, he even drew it on a piece of paper).

I spent the day trying to tell her how terrible an idea it was to actually go, and she herself is aware that it's out of place, but she needs her prescription. She said she'd go accompanied, but heck, if she goes accompanied with another female friend, that kinda' defeats the purpose!

My question is: Is this enough to post a complaint against the Dr.? My friend's a really attractive girl, so I don't see it as abnormal for her to be approached, but by a 60 year old Dr.? If he's acting like this toward her, who's to say he's not even more out of place with other patients?

I'm really worried about this and it bugs me that fuckers like this can be in charge of keeping us healthy!

All advice is appreciated, thank you!

 

[PhDinSB]

This is definitely bad news. I'm not sure you can do anything since nothing has happened...I don't even know who you would report this to. But you really need to convince your friend not to go. Or at least find a male to go with her. Is going to an urgent care clinic and getting another doctor to write this prescription out of the question?

 

[PhDinSB]

one more thing....when talking to your friend i think you need to make her see that her getting a prescription is not worth at best, really inappropriate advances from her doctor, at worst...well, nobody wants to even think about it. just provide alternatives for her getting the prescription and show her that she can accomplish the same thing without possibly getting assaulted.

 

[SweetErika]

No, it doesn't scream "rape."

It does scream "grossly inappropriate conduct" and likely criminal harassment or assault, however. Your friend should absolutely file a complaint with the police and state medical board immediately. She should bring the map he drew, any other evidence and be prepared to give a detailed statement. You could offer to accompany her to the police station and help her get started on the medical board's complaint process (info is readily available online and via phone), if she wants.

The police and medical board should investigate the allegations and take action as necessary. Even if there's no history of complaints, this will establish one in case another patient has a similar issue with the doctor.

As for the prescription (do you know what it's for?), why can't she can get it elsewhere? It's not like there's a shortage of medical professionals who can prescribe, free/low-cost clinics, etc.

 

[sircumvent]

^Your advice is right on SweetErika and I would be interested to know what prescription she was trying to get from the Dr.

 

[SweetErika]

This is definitely bad news. I'm not sure you can do anything since nothing has happened...I don't even know who you would report this to. But you really need to convince your friend not to go. Or at least find a male to go with her. Is going to an urgent care clinic and getting another doctor to write this prescription out of the question?

Um, inappropriate touching, sexual advances and requiring a patient to come to one's home in exchange for a prescription are all terribly wrong. Sexual things don't have to happen for it to be sexual harassment, and medical professionals are subject to different standards than the general population. What, if anything, this doctor would be charged with depends on the jurisdiction, but from what Mac said, something did indeed happen, and his friend has a duty to report it to the proper authorities if she's telling the truth.

 

[bobinks2]

...What, if anything, this doctor would be charged with depends on the jurisdiction, ...

He may not be charged with anything. It's more likely that he can lose his license to practice medicine or at least be put on probabtion or something.

 

[The Gimp]

He touched her shoulders, and he invited her to his house. All that she had to do is say I'm in a hurry, please give me the prescription immediately, and if you can't I will get it from someone else.

Sexual harassment is illegal but flirting is not. To use the term rape here is completely inappropriate. Doc wasn't trying to force her to have sex, he just gave her a voluntary option. If she doesn't like it then it's time to find a new doctor, but there is no need to file a complaint. He didn't do anything immoral or illegal.

 

[KoPilot]

He touched her shoulders, and he invited her to his house. All that she had to do is say I'm in a hurry, please give me the prescription immediately, and if you can't I will get it from someone else.

Sexual harassment is illegal but flirting is not. To use the term rape here is completely inappropriate. Doc wasn't trying to force her to have sex, he just gave her a voluntary option. If she doesn't like it then it's time to find a new doctor, but there is no need to file a complaint. He didn't do anything immoral or illegal.

Denying a patient their prescription because they won't go to your house to get it sounds like pretty good grounds for filing a complaint to me.

 

[Mac98]

[...] if she's telling the truth.

That was my first reaction. It sounds so far fetched that I don't know what to make of it, but I've been around hospitals all my teenage years and I know there are monsters everywhere. I told her to file a complaint and her response was "To who? Besides it's his word against mine" but fuck... at least it would be one more complaint added to his file and who knows, maybe the one that would finally get the hospital to kick him out! I haven't suggested going to the police, cuz I'm not sure if they can really do anything at this stage, but it's definately a good idea!

I really have no idea what the prescription is. She's pretty insistant on not telling me. She changes the subject and tells me it's nothing, so I'm guessing maybe it's an STD or something too intimate. Maybe not, but I decided not to keep asking, it's really none of my buisness anyways.

And Gimp: The Doc is 60+ years old. She's 20 and looks like she could be 16. If a 60 year-old man in a position of authority flirts with a young woman, I don't care WHAT you think, it's uncalled for and DEFINATELY innappropriate. I could understand if the guy was 24 or if she was 56... and even then, there are some more subtle and acceptable ways other than to "invite" the person over to your house. It's shameful and an embarassment to REAL MDs.

Apparently, he said he wanted to try 2 weeks without the medication and that he'd give her a new prescription at his home... I smell bullshit! There is no program or system in place here saying a Doctor can invite patients to his house for treatment!

And she's seeing a specialist, meaning her next apt would be in months. Therefore, she wouldn't be able to get her needed prescription until then.

And finally, I never said this was rape, I just don't see what other intention he could have. This guy's obviously looking for some "quality" time with my friend... if not, then he sure has a bizarre way of treating his patients...

 

[Pointless_Username]

You can definately file a "harassment" complaint, here. The doc's clearly out of order, no doubt about it.

And you know what, if he's like this with your friend, he's like this with other patients too, meaning chances are, there have already been complaints against him. At one point or another, they'll have to kick him out or do SOMETHING. One more complaint could be the difference.

But whatever you do, DON'T let her go there alone... make sure she's with someone who'll be apt to taking care of her if things do get out of hand. Best thing to do would be to convince her not to go at all, but... I understand how that can be a little out of your hands.

 

[shewolf3003]

He can be charged with coercion with intent by an authority figure, this constitutes attempted rape. The medical board of any state he is in practice in will at the very least suspend his license and launch an investigation. Physicians/midlevel providers etc... are strictly forbidden to consort with a patient whether it is mutually consensual or not, and is grounds for censure. Even drawing her a map to his home to "pick up a rx" is suspect behaviour the medical board would frown upon.

PS

She should notify the police and they would probably send an agent with her to the meeting to gather proof of the crime.

 

[jehoram]

No, it doesn't scream "rape."

If it's sexual and non-consensual, it's harassment. If it'd done by anybody in the medical profession, using his or her authority as a doctor to influence sexual behavior, it would ring ethics bells from Nome to Miami.

Your friend should definitely report him to the authorities, and take their advice about what to do ... they're the experts at this. I'm no lawyer, but I'd guess that there are varying community standards of what constitutes malpractice, but I'm guessing that this guy has crossed the line.

By all means, get everything documented, and save that map.

 

[The Gimp]

The Doc is 60+ years old. She's 20 and looks like she could be 16. If a 60 year-old man in a position of authority flirts with a young woman, I don't care WHAT you think, it's uncalled for and DEFINATELY innappropriate.

I agree that the conduct is inappropriate, and if your friend seriously objects my advice to her would be to get a new doctor. I'm assuming there were no witnesses so this comes down to a he said she said situation. If a serious crime were committed like assault or extortion then I would advise her to file a formal complaint knowing full well that she couldn't prove it. I just don't think that a 60 year old man hitting on a 20 year old woman calls for a formal investigation.

 

[SweetErika]

If it's sexual and non-consensual, it's harassment. If it'd done by anybody in the medical profession, using his or her authority as a doctor to influence sexual behavior, it would ring ethics bells from Nome to Miami.

Right. Which is exactly what I said in that same post you quoted.

Still, however disgusting, unethical and criminal the behavior may be, it's not the same as rape. As a sexual assault survivor, I find suggestions to the contrary (e.g. the thread title) to be offensive.

Mac, why do you doubt the voracity of your friend's claims? Does she have a history of lying or exaggerating?

And if the doctor suggested waiting a couple of weeks on the Rx and private counseling, it may very well be something like a narcotic or psychiatric drug. It's probably not something as simple as birth control or an STI treatment, especially since your friend has mentioned a specialist and refuses to tell you what it is.

 

[newlegz]

Filing a complaint has nothing to do with he said, she said. It is simply added to his file with the state medical board if its not investigated. I believe there are also ways to make anonymous tips. Maybe this isnt the first time this has happened. The importance of her filing that complaint means if something happens to someone else or God forbid he goes farther with someone else, she can feel proud knowing her complaint may help make the case.

She should choose to see another doctor. I've got several doctors who are close friends and family and the first thing they would tell you is that you HAVE to be comfortable, not just with medical skill but bedside manner.

 

[Byron999]

Right. Which is exactly what I said in that same post you quoted.

Still, however disgusting, unethical and criminal the behavior may be, it's not the same as rape. As a sexual assault survivor, I find suggestions to the contrary (e.g. the thread title) to be offensive.

Mac, why do you doubt the voracity of your friend's claims? Does she have a history of lying or exaggerating?

And if the doctor suggested waiting a couple of weeks on the Rx and private counseling, it may very well be something like a narcotic or psychiatric drug. It's probably not something as simple as birth control or an STI treatment, especially since your friend has mentioned a specialist and refuses to tell you what it is.

Good points SweetErika.

If the friend's account is reliable, she has some responsibility to bring it to the State Board's attention. It's possible the practitioner himself requires intervention and support to seek help with a condition or disorder (eg diabetes or a dementia process) that may be impeding his judgement and professionalism.

The alternative is that he has willfully engaged in unacceptable and unprofessional behavior and needs to be censured for that (or, at the very least, this report should be documented in case a pattern emerges).

 

[Mac98]

Sweet Erika: I've only come back into contact with her perhaps 3 weeks ago. We used to have a mutual friend in junior high (which was about 7+ years ago, now) so we'd hang out once in a while and only a couple of weeks ago has she come back in the picture, only now we don't really hang out through mutual friends, we're more developping a friendship, so if she DOES have a history of making stuff up, it's new and I'm not aware of it. She didn't back in junior high, though... But the reason I was initially reluctant was because it seems so out of the ordinary, but her story makes sense.

And you're right, perhaps it is some type of psychiatric drug. I know she's had a pretty rough past, so maybe it would have caught up to her. Heck, maybe there's something about her I'm just not aware of, yet. Heck, could it be anti-depressants? (that's an actual question)

But whether it is or not, it doesn't make his advances any more justifiable. I don't see how this would make private counceling at his home neccesary.

As far as the complaints are concerned, I've told her to keep the paper of his map to his house and I'm still trying to insist that she not go. However, it's not that easy... I don't wanna' sound like I'm meddling in her affairs. She's aware of the risk she's taking going to see him and I can only do so much. If she keeps insisting on playing with fire, then I have no choice than to watch her get burned... Wait... Do I?

 

[Mac98]

Something screams "fantasy" , Here

But it did provoke some interesting discussion so I suppose it could be called a success.

Please ellaborate, I'd like to hear your opinion on this...

 

[jehoram]

Right. Which is exactly what I said in that same post you quoted.

Still, however disgusting, unethical and criminal the behavior may be, it's not the same as rape. As a sexual assault survivor, I find suggestions to the contrary (e.g. the thread title) to be offensive.

Yes. I didn't mean to step on your toes there. I was just saying that I agreed with you.

I've known a few rape survivors, and there are no bounds to my admiration for the way they've recovered from it, and tried to put it in their past. And while I can't feel your pain, I do have some small appreciation for how deep it goes. I agree with you that harassment does not equal rape, and didn't mean to convey that.

 

[Mac98]

Same goes for me, SweetErika, I didn't mean to offend you with the title. What I meant by it was that it sounds like that's what's going to happen, or at least something close. I'm not calling this rape at all!

 

[KrissyMarti]

Yeah, this is definately bad news. Your frined should definately tell someone about this! A lawer or cop or something! Good luck to both of you!

 

[MissNastyKitty2]

Your friend needs to not go. Just not go back to that doctor and find a new one. Or if she’s turned on by the whole matter GO FOR IT. Could be fun. But professionally….no, avoid this doctor at all costs!

 

[Bystander]

the great thing about doctors is you can always go to a different one if the your current Dr. doesn't do it for you. IMO your friend is either nuts or she's enjoying the attention but feeling guilty about it at the same time and using you as an outlet to vent and help herself justify that she's got no choice in the matter (when in truth she does).

 

[Mac98]

the great thing about doctors is you can always go to a different one if the your current Dr. doesn't do it for you. IMO your friend is either nuts or she's enjoying the attention but feeling guilty about it at the same time and using you as an outlet to vent and help herself justify that she's got no choice in the matter (when in truth she does).

Well, I have to say though. 'Round here, it can take up to 9 months before getting an appointment with a specialist. If she's on anti-depressents, she can't wait that long. I understand that aspect... but still, I still feel this guy should be reported.


missnastykitty: I don't think she's turned on by it. The only thing she could possibly be turned on by is the attention... I don't know her well enough to say if this is the case or not, though...