Something I've been wondering about. . .

[Eilan]

I'm going to start this thread here as opposed to on the How To board because it's more of a "How do you" rather than a "How to." I'm NOT looking for advice (or judgment, for that matter). I'm just interested in your responses because I'm nosy that way.

I tend to do most of my posting on the How To boards. However, I lurk pretty much everywhere. I recently made a brief foray into the Personals forum, and I noticed--at that particular time, anyway--a lot of "Fuck my hot wife" threads. Some of the husbands were trying to organize surprise gangbangs; others were just looking for another guy for a MMF.

I guess I was just wondering if the "hot" wives in question knew what their husbands were up to. If I discovered that my husband had an ad on here pertaining to me, and it was posted without my knowledge/consent, he probably wouldn't be getting whatever it was he was asking for.

I believe that there's something disrespectful about going behind a spouse's back to set up something like that. I wouldn't take too kindly to coming home from, say, shopping, and finding a bunch of naked guys waiting to fuck my brains out. If that were to happen, I'd want to be involved in the selection process, which means that it really wouldn't be much of a surprise, I guess. But then, I don't know that something like a surprise gangbang would be my cup of tea because I've never been a part of one and likely never will be. While it might be a wonderful fantasy, it's NOT something I'm willing to try IRL.

So, I guess my question is this:

For those of you who have participated in threesomes/orgies/swinging (and even for those of you who are considering it), who makes/will make the final decision as to who you'll be "playing" with? Is the decision made as a couple, or do you trust your partner's judgment? (If this is something that you've not yet done but are considering, how do you see yourselves making the decision?)

Thanks in advance for your responses.

 

[EJFan]

great idea, eilan.

i can't say that i've ever engaged in any swinging or group stuff ('cept that one time it happened accidentally), but i CAN say that you make a very valid point. i haven't been to the presonals board in a very long time, but i noticed it back then too. i've also noticed on a couple of sites that host amateur submitted pics, that a husband or boyfriend will send in pictures of their SO with the comment, "if she finds out, she'll kill me," or something like that.

i agree with you... if someone put naked pictures of me on the 'net i'd be HIGHLY pissed. same thing goes for organizing any kind of sex-party without my consent. i can't even imagine how i'd react. of course, i'd know the pictures were circulated when i heard the throngs of laughter from all around the world.

i would imagine that there are SOME couples where this sort of thing is commonplace... or even expected. some couples just live for this kind of excitement. they like knowing that somewhere, some time, their SO is going to have a HUGE surprise for them. of course, it's also possible that the organizing partner is trying to sort of entrap the other partner. it's sad, but i'm sure it happens.

 

[DarkDuchess]

The husband and I have talked about it at length, we have decided that at some point, that we would like to try it, but I can't imagine him going behind my back to advertise, or set anything up. We know that for anything like that to work with the dynamic of our relationship, that it has to be completely mutual. That was the first detail we worked out.

 

[SweetErika]

We haven't done it, but posting pics and sex with others definitely qualify as "us" decisions. From the start, all of the pics we've taken are uploaded and/or deleted together, and (for us) it goes without saying that any kind of sex with others would be a mutual decision. Even if it was a fantasy for me, I'd find bringing other people into it without my knowledge incredibly disrespectful and very hard to forgive.

 

[Fleatopia]

Even if it was a fantasy for me, I'd find bringing other people into it without my knowledge incredibly disrespectful and very hard to forgive.

Not to mention presumptuous! I mean, it's a fantasy, you might not ever want to make it a reality. Just because it's something might have had a dream about once or twice, doesn't mean your SO should go book a motel room, grab a camera, and line up willing cocks.

 

[silverwhisper]

i have in the past when i was still single (threesomes, i mean). the times it happened, there's an even split of planned/spontaneous. when it was planned, it was something discussed openly b/n at least 2 of the parties (if not all). when it wasn't all 3, the 3rd party was known to have an interest already, so the third party is already known and agreed upon prior.

an interesting thread, eilan. i'm very curious to see how this goes myself. >

ed

 

[babydoll2u]

............... Even if it was a fantasy for me, I'd find bringing other people into it without my knowledge incredibly disrespectful and very hard to forgive.

I couldn't agree more...

 

[zerimar1231]

I've never tried a threesome or gangbang, but have thought about it, fantasy-wise. Now if my bf were planning it, i would want to be told! Bc with my luck he'd pick guys that were totally my opposite so he could stand out! lol. But i'd want to know, i don't want to walk in & find a bunch of nasty guys ready to demolish me. It sounds gross, plus i want to be prepared.

 

[Eilan]

We haven't done it, but posting pics and sex with others definitely qualify as "us" decisions. From the start, all of the pics we've taken are uploaded and/or deleted together, and (for us) it goes without saying that any kind of sex with others would be a mutual decision. Even if it was a fantasy for me, I'd find bringing other people into it without my knowledge incredibly disrespectful and very hard to forgive.

I tend to agree. I'd have to wonder about the strength of the couple's relationship to begin with. It seems to me that some people take bringing another person into their bedroom WAY too lightly. And I wasn't even thinking about posting pics without a partner's consent. That would also upset me.

Do people take most Lit Personals seriously? I've seen well-thought-out, sincere ads there, but they seem to get buried under all the others. I think that the Personals board has the potential to be an excellent alternative to expensive sites such as AFF, but I don't see many people putting a lot of effort into trying to "sell" themselves. Perhaps, though, you get out of it what you put into it; I've never placed an ad there, so I really don't know.

So, along those lines, does the guy who wants other men to fuck his hot wife, REALLY want this, or is he just trying to see if he can generate interest? If men on a mostly anonymous message board find his wife sexually attractive, does it validate his choice of a mate? If so, it seems to me that he's placing the ad to stroke (so to speak) his own ego.

[Men, I'm NOT trying to attack you; I'd feel the same way about a "Fuck my hot husband" thread, but I've never seen one.]

I have other thoughts running through my head right now, but I should probably try to organize them before I say anything else.

Thanks to all of you for your insights.

 

[EJFan]

Do people take most Lit Personals seriously? I've seen well-thought-out, sincere ads there, but they seem to get buried under all the others. I think that the Personals board has the potential to be an excellent alternative to expensive sites such as AFF, but I don't see many people putting a lot of effort into trying to "sell" themselves. Perhaps, though, you get out of it what you put into it; I've never placed an ad there, so I really don't know.

i think that the personals forum contains two categories... legit personals and ones that are fodder for fantasy. i'm sure there are some people who post a personal ad to get responses that boost their ego and/or give them something to think about while they masturbate.

like you, though, i don't really frequent that board so i'm halfway talkin' out my ass.

 

[DarkDuchess]

That is very interesting. Maybe it's naive of me, but I never considered that.

With my husband, he said that it started as a fantasy of his and the more we talked about it, the more he thought he wanted to see it. We've talked it to death, actually. Both of us were rather promiscuous (sp?) before we met and we took monogamy very seriously. I think we've discussed every angle possible and been very open about any thoughts, concerns, and expected jealousies. We've got all of these ground rules, which in turn, have been discussed at length. But, we are still talking about it. We both have done it before, but never in a committed relationship, so I think that our last big obstacle is the worry that it will change us for the worse.

 

[sweetgirl666]

I had been in a threesome and basically we two girls gotten together and decided to do it...we kenw our guy would love one. We three never had played together, so we let it start easy with no pressure, it then just happened and was great, but all three had the chance to back out whenever they wanted.

I would leave my guy if he would decide something like that over my head. Or find out stuff like "how to make my wife a swinger/slut/bisexual"....

 

[Eilan]

We both have done it before, but never in a committed relationship, so I think that our last big obstacle is the worry that it will change us for the worse.

A perfectly legitimate fear. I don't see how you could NOT worry about it. My husband and I have done a handful of MMFs, barely enough to qualify us as experienced. We were both involved in the search for a third party, but my husband let me make the final decision. While a good time was had by all, it's not something that I'm wanting to try again right now. Just because. . .

I would leave my guy if he would decide something like that over my head. Or find out stuff like "how to make my wife a swinger/slut/bisexual"....

I've seen threads eerily similar to this. In my view, it's a violation of trust. If you've looked over any of my previous posts, you'll note that I'm a firm believer in not forcing anyone--male or female--into a situation that he/she's not comfortable with. I'd have to wonder why there was such a breakdown in communication in the first place.

On a side note, one of the unintended consequences of my starting this thread is that I've given my husband ideas (as if he really needed THAT much help coming up with things to fantasize about). But that's OK--as long as those ideas stay firmly entrenched in Fantasyland. He knows better than to have a bunch of strangers waiting to accost me.