Something I wrote

[Xander_Ek]

Autumn Sunset

The skies melt upon themselves; their anger,

a violent torrent of crimson.

This cataclysm of grace, left for us to wonder?

The sky stolen by the night; stars kiss the earth,

a milky twilight.

This elegant display of their authority;

Angel's tears torn asunder.

 

[Xander_Ek]

Any criticism is fine.

 

[PandoraGlitters]

Some of these are images you are describing to me so that I can see them and some are things you are telling me about the images. The images I can see are more moving to me than your telling me about them (i.e., skies melting upon themselves is something I can see and that is more compelling than being told it is an elegant display of authority). Also, you should use semicolons between complete sentences or between items in a list that contain internal commas. In order for a sentence to be a sentence, it needs a verb. This is easily fixed in your poem by switching some words (night steals the sky rather than sky stolen by night, see?)

Otherwise, I'd focus on what exactly is happening. We know it is a sunset, but first there are plural skies and they are angry. Then the night steals one sky and stars kiss the earth. There may be a way to make this all a bit more of a seamless story.

You have some interesting images here, though, and a good start. I look forward to reading more of your poems. There is in fact a thread on the forum where you can post poems you are working on to get help with editing. It's always good form to help others out, too.

Good luck with this and future poems, Xander. --Dora

 

[Epmd607]

Autumn Sunset

The skies melt upon themselves; their anger,

a violent torrent of crimson.

This cataclysm of grace, left for us to wonder?

The sky stolen by the night; stars kiss the earth,

a milky twilight.

This elegant display of their authority;

Angel's tears torn asunder.

I don't see how "Angel's tears torn asunder." fits with your poem. Even if you were talking about Armageddon and all that sort of thing it still wouldn't be that great of a line.

 

[Xander_Ek]

I don't see how "Angel's tears torn asunder." fits with your poem. Even if you were talking about Armageddon and all that sort of thing it still wouldn't be that great of a line.

Angel's tears torn asunder.

Angels are from Heaven, Heaven is believed to be in the sky I would think.

Basically Angel's tears = Stars.

Sorry if this confused you.

 

[Xander_Ek]

Thank you Pandora, I will look into it

 

[EroticOrogeny]

Angel's tears torn asunder.

Angels are from Heaven, Heaven is believed to be in the sky I would think.

Basically Angel's tears = Stars.

Sorry if this confused you.

I didn't get that connection, either.
Why are they torn asunder ?
A moment before they were kissing earth )the horizon ?)

I think Pandora has some good suggestions.

Keep on writing,

 

[Xander_Ek]

The stars in the sky are scattered about. Torn asunder. I made the connection, but I will keep writing, and thanks for all the criticism so far.

Any other site by now would have told me never to write again