Something I wrote....

[wyattt]

Walking to nowhere except the eggshell of pure insanity,
Wagering and believing I will not fall across that line.
Talking to memories of long dead idols for solace,
But this refugee in me seeks asylum in yesterday's Gods.

I feel the blood of Dionysus as it splatters across this page,
Forming the words of this pagan contract.
Set in stone like Roman numerals on an arch for centuries,
A bond I must keep for this world and many others.

Judas thou art the bringer of the night,
Thou feedeth on the souls of my kin.
You give everlasting life in the night air,
But bring weakness of light, silver and wood.

The chronology here is but a fraction,
True knowledge is kept until the beginning.
Under a world where a word is but a key,
Unlocking mysteries your heart could never die for.

Cling to the apple and the basilisk,
Let these prophetic falsehoods proclaim your denial.
Masticate on your chosen destiny you've so neatly plotted,
Choke on the truth set before your eyes in stone.

When the sand is nevermore than a river that runs,
A course that seperates two different Seas.

 

[ag2507]

Quick Reaction...

Walking to nowhere except the eggshell of pure insanity,
Wagering and believing I will not fall across that line.
Talking to memories of long dead idols for solace,
But this refugee in me seeks asylum in yesterday's Gods.

> Interesting ideas: the first line puts the reader off because one would never walk to an eggshell nor is Wagering a good word here - it is an anglosaxon word in the middle of a Latin sentence and the concept of betting doesn't really advance your cause<

I feel the blood of Dionysus as it splatters across this page,
Forming the words of this pagan contract.
Set in stone like Roman numerals on an arch for centuries,
A bond I must keep for this world and many others.

>Other than the practice of drinking sacrificial blood as part of the rites, and a lot of wine, you waste words on roman arches which could be used to explain why Dionysus is relevant: certainly the previously implied refuge is not furthured, in fact it appears contradicted<

Judas thou art the bringer of the night,
Thou feedeth on the souls of my kin.
You give everlasting life in the night air,
But bring weakness of light, silver and wood.

>Nor do I see a link between Judas and Dionysus. The identity of Judas is ambiguous - this doesn't look like Iscariot, and if it is Jesus, the link to Dionysus wasn't made until much later and the poem should also include Diana. Eucharist was not ordained by Christ but cobbled togeter by the early church to deal with issues en Ephasus: they just latched on to the Last Supper as a mechanism to subsume pagan practices: also, again there is no contect for any of the ideas here - this weakens the poem considerably<

The chronology here is but a fraction,
True knowledge is kept until the beginning.
Under a world where a word is but a key,
Unlocking mysteries your heart could never die for.

>ditto - Christopher Smart did insanity much better, and more logically<

Cling to the apple and the basilisk,
Let these prophetic falsehoods proclaim your denial.
Masticate on your chosen destiny you've so neatly plotted,
Choke on the truth set before your eyes in stone.

>The apple was probably a pomegranite, the basilisk certainly a seraph: and you still haven't got around to telling us, or even hinting, at your target here. Also you use a very modern interpretation of truth here - ancient religious truth was much more along the lines of its usage by American Presidents<

When the sand is nevermore than a river that runs,
A course that seperates two different Seas.

>And still no hint as to the subject, no link to any other verses,<

A lot of very interesting ideas that aren't tied together and not properly researched. It weakens your message! And some poorly chosen words that guarantee the reader never takes in the rest of the line: Masticates on a destiny: please! Too much stacato in a line which is somewhat langorous. You really must try to see the reader's point of view!

When I write in this genre, I use a thesaurus to ensure that every verb and noun has at least two if not more meanings and every line has a logical link the preceding and suceeding stanzas.

 

[wyattt]

ok...hmmmm

ok i agree with your critique of the first stanza...but I'm a History major and one of Dionysus' minor duties was also.....the God of Verse....but maybe I'm wrong....the link between Dionysus and Judas Iscariot is that of the Blood, how in some stories Dracula was believed to be Judas Iscariot...really has nothing to do with eucharist but more toward the drinking of blood to obtain youth an such.....next stanza....you're right i was braindead....next verse...cling to apple...adam and eve and the snake and the prophecies the snake told that were lies...chew on your choices that you plan out so carefully but wind up failing miserably when up against the will of God.
Sand being millions of grains , to me representing the river of hopes and dreams that is centered between good and evil.....the two seas.......


I hope u understand that but that's what i meant maybe i can find a better way to say it

 

[ag2507]

Re: ok...hmmmm

ok i agree with your critique of the first stanza...but I'm a History major and one of Dionysus' minor duties was also.....the God of Verse....but maybe I'm wrong....the link between Dionysus and Judas Iscariot is that of the Blood, how in some stories Dracula was believed to be Judas Iscariot...really has nothing to do with eucharist but more toward the drinking of blood to obtain youth an such.....next stanza....you're right i was braindead....next verse...cling to apple...adam and eve and the snake and the prophecies the snake told that were lies...chew on your choices that you plan out so carefully but wind up failing miserably when up against the will of God.
Sand being millions of grains , to me representing the river of hopes and dreams that is centered between good and evil.....the two seas.......


I hope u understand that but that's what i meant maybe i can find a better way to say it

You need to establish that link between Dionysus and verse: certainly the blood link is better known. It is based on the ritual sacrifice of Kings (not the best thing to have been in ancient times) and the story of Theseus with links to Poseidon that documents the final switch from Matrilinial to Patrilinial succession (and Ariadne was a Serpent priestess): there is a passage in Ezekial that established Jehova over the previous femail deities. The link between dionysus and Jesus is MUCH MUCH stronger: most early nazerene and other texts establish Judas as acting under Jesus instruction to ensure that the Easter prophesies were fulfilled - if you look at Holy week in general it was an orgy of prophetic fulfilment. Judas betrayal was manufactured by the early church because it made a good story. Also, there were supposedly other physical resemblencies between Jesus and Dionysus including the fact that both were supposedly to have a club foot.

The ironic thing about the serpent's prophesies is that they were fulfilled: just not quite as anticipated. Prophesy is about inevitability and each "betrayal" was inevitable and intended. Christian symbology is rooted in ancient symbolism and 2000 years ago symbols were layered on symbols on symbols and the same symbol often had diametrically opposite meanings. The whole area is awash with equivocation - and intentionally so.

Also, the Eden stories are probably based on a drought that struck the earth about 7000BC. A mesopotamian civilization was pretty much destroyed around then (and much of the written clay tablets destroyed in the Baghdad fire after this last War: there are some who believe the US was responsible to ensure the early Islamic texts held there were destroyed.

I thought I would share a recent poem of my own which utilizes similar symbiology.

Pomegranate

A blood stained fruit of paradise
Carved relentlessly on panel and pew
On the blood fed oak of ancient kings
From whence the gift of life springs
Early shoots from the morning dew
Enduring age of triumphant sacrifice

Clustered sanguine seeds semblant
Of woman’s core equivocally tendered
By seraphic serpent’s crotchéd blade
Even by Eden’s heavenly shade
An aspirate grenade so skillfully rendered
Dispersing perceptive stirps dissemblant

And virgin Eve still great with firstborn Abel
Offered her fruit to the anther of murderous fable

(c) AG, June 2003