Something a little less familiar.

[Anais_Sin_]

Anais Nin wrote:
“There are two ways to reach me: by way of kisses or by way of imagination. But there is a hierarchy: the kisses alone don’t work.”

A quote that seems apt for a place where interactions depend very much on imagination, and kisses can only be delivered fancifully.

My story I imagine is VERY familiar...long term relationship (30 + years), lots of love, very happy and yes, the sex is there but it has lost that cerebral spark...the kisses alone do not work well enough and we both acknowledge it...but enjoy an orgasm!

he said, "try and find a way to engage your brain, think about sex as well as the insane amount of work and chores you have to get through today" (I may have added the bit about the insane amount of work and chores ). However, it's not a bad approach... and one where we tend to be advised to reach for a lack of familiarity...try something new, dressing up, role playing, toys, games, watching or reading erotica....or maybe finding someone engaging to chat to? What worked for you?

 

[Joel359]

I often can't get stuck in the routine of routines. At my core I am a worrier so thinking about the last time or any before today's only makes me question how I did.

In order to approach it new I only have that imagination to pretend it's the first time and fulfillment for both is the only parameters. "Like it's your first time..." Perpetually...

Sounds fanciful but it works for me.

 

[MrMikelobe1952]

Anais Nin wrote:
“There are two ways to reach me: by way of kisses or by way of imagination. But there is a hierarchy: the kisses alone don’t work.”

A quote that seems apt for a place where interactions depend very much on imagination, and kisses can only be delivered fancifully.

My story I imagine is VERY familiar...long term relationship (30 + years), lots of love, very happy and yes, the sex is there but it has lost that cerebral spark...the kisses alone do not work well enough and we both acknowledge it...but enjoy an orgasm!

he said, "try and find a way to engage your brain, think about sex as well as the insane amount of work and chores you have to get through today" (I may have added the bit about the insane amount of work and chores ). However, it's not a bad approach... and one where we tend to be advised to reach for a lack of familiarity...try something new, dressing up, role playing, toys, games, watching or reading erotica....or maybe finding someone engaging to chat to? What worked for you?

Are you my wife?

 

[Anais_Sin_]

I often can't get stuck in the routine of routines. At my core I am a worrier so thinking about the last time or any before today's only makes me question how I did.

In order to approach it new I only have that imagination to pretend it's the first time and fulfillment for both is the only parameters. "Like it's your first time..." Perpetually...

Sounds fanciful but it works for me.

I like it, what you imagine keeps you "in the room" and focussed on your partner, rather than taking you somewhere else completely.

 

[Anais_Sin_]

Are you my wife?

puts me in mind of Escape (The Pina Colada Song)

 

[Joel359]

 

[MrMikelobe1952]

puts me in mind of Escape (The Pina Colada Song)

That's O'Malley's.

 

[Anais_Sin_]

View attachment 2175353
That's O'Malley's.

Wow really? Where is that?

 

[MrMikelobe1952]

That one's in Minnesota I think.
There are a lot of them.
Its not the one in the song.

 

[Joel359]

Wife?
Wives? How many?
One?

 

[Anais_Sin_]

That one's in Minnesota I think.
There are a lot of them.
Its not the one in the song.

Haha! I've never come across one here in the UK, although that doesn't mean they don't exist, maybe more popular in the US though.

 

[Anais_Sin_]

Wife?
Wives? How many?
One?

 

[Anais_Sin_]

Wife?
Wives? How many?
One?

One is most traditional

 

[Anais_Sin_]

This thread is odd and intriguing. My kind of thread. LOL

Ha! Have you ever been to an O'Malleys? Not necessarily to plan an escape but just for a beer, and maybe some peanuts.

 

[MrMikelobe1952]

Haha! I've never come across one here in the UK, although that doesn't mean they don't exist, maybe more popular in the US though.

Maybe in Ireland or Northern Ireland.
They all try to create an Irish Pub vibe.

 

[Joel359]

An aside: I had a friend who was married. His wife would refer to "that one time" when they had perfect sex. He literally would concentrate so hard on trying to recreate that perfect experience for her that he would have a headache after they were done!

 

[Joel359]

I learned as I grew older that our preconceived notions or fantasies about interacting sexually only hold us down from experiencing true bliss.

 

[jsmiam]

...try something new, dressing up, role playing, toys, games, watching or reading erotica....or maybe finding someone engaging to chat to? What worked for you?

as a husband, it’s tough finding cheerleader outfits in my size, but still… ;-)

Reminiscing about when you first met. Pretending to meet for the first time. Meeting for drinks but pretend to be strangers. Go to a swingers club, no obligation exists that you have to do anything. Have him watch when all the boys hit on you here. Have him make a screen name, but you give him advice on how to hit on girls here. (There’s three. ;-)

You’re off to a great start being here. It’ll be a lot easier as a female to snap your fingers and fill up your inbox. Maybe I’ll even let you pm me.

Good luck!

 

[Anais_Sin_]

An aside: I had a friend who was married. His wife would refer to "that one time" when they had perfect sex. He literally would concentrate so hard on trying to recreate that perfect experience for her that he would have a headache after they were done!

That's a lot of pressure. I guess though, by trying things that are new, people in long term relationships are striving to rediscover the excitement of how it once was. Which comes with its own pressure, and pressure and sex aren't generally good bed fellows.

 

[Anais_Sin_]

I learned as I grew older that our preconceived notions or fantasies about interacting sexually only hold us down from experiencing true bliss.

Good point, a fantasy is of course not real, and difficult to recreate in reality.

 

[Anais_Sin_]

as a husband, it’s tough finding cheerleader outfits in my size, but still… ;-)

Reminiscing about when you first met. Pretending to meet for the first time. Meeting for drinks but pretend to be strangers. Go to a swingers club, no obligation exists that you have to do anything. Have him watch when all the boys hit on you here. Have him make a screen name, but you give him advice on how to hit on girls here. (There’s three. ;-)

You’re off to a great start being here. It’ll be a lot easier as a female to snap your fingers and fill up your inbox. Maybe I’ll even let you pm me.

Good luck!

Haha thanks.
Am sure you could find that outfit if you look hard enough

 

[Erodicus]

That's a lot of pressure. I guess though, by trying things that are new, people in long term relationships are striving to rediscover the excitement of how it once was. Which comes with its own pressure, and pressure and sex aren't generally good bed fellows.

I found out about the downside of pressure by bitter experience - just when it mattered most to me. Long story. Fortunately it had a happy ending a couple of hours later. It was with someone who confirmed what your near-namesake once wrote: "Only the united beat of sex and heart together can create ecstasy."