Someone doesn't know their Poetry..

[Guest]

Ok, so this is the Author's Hangout and not the poetry forum, but I am an author of stories who is dabbling in poetry since I have to write some for the Survivor Contest.

I just checked my submissions and had a public comment on one of my poems. I go check and the person that commented gave it 0% on the thermometer and said it was too short.

The poem is a Haiku, it's supposed to be short, lol. Haiku was even part of the title.

I put up my own comment underneath the first enlightening this person and whomever else might not know that a Haiku is supposed to be short and consist of 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second, and 5 in the third.

I resisted the temptation to be rude and say that someone's ignorance was showing.

Anyway, enough of my rambling, I just wanted to share my chuckle of the day.

 

[MathGirl]

Dear CM
We went through a haiku spasm here a while back.
MG

Nightsoil make plants grow
Also give distinctive smell
Hooray for nightsoil

 

[Guest]

Haiku Asylum

 

[Edward Teach]

It doesn't rhyme either, CM, no wonder they didn't like it.

Ed

 

[Guest]

Who said it had to rhyme?

 

[Dirty Slut]

Actually Haiku not only has to do with 575 syllables, it also has to be about nature, usually seasonal IE spring. It doesn't have to rhyme, but some do, and I have no Idea why. LOL

DS

 

[jthserra]

While I agree...

the comment stating the poem was too short was ignorant, however, just because your poem was made up of three lines of 5/7/5 syllables it did not become a haiku. As DS mentioned, haiku is more than just a syllable count.

Without getting overly technical about haiku, if you are interested in learning what haiku really is, I recommend you take a peek at the following sites:

Forms in English Haiku

Haiku Techniques

Haiku .

I guess to conclude, I will have to say that I voted on your haiku, giving it a 2. While it may have been a nice, short poem, it wasn't, as you can see from the articles above, a good haiku. Since you called it haiku in the title, I voted on the poem as haiku.

If anyone is interested in discussing haiku more, let me know. It is a subject I have obsessed about for years.

For an example of some erotic haiku, I offer the following:

One of the most erotic poems I have read was a haiku. Written in Japanese by Katsura Nobuko and translated to English by Makoto Ueda:


beyond the dark
where I disrobe
an iris in bloom


When reading translated haiku, I ignore syllable count, because the language is so different from English. The three lines become unimportant too when you consider that many haiku are written in Japanese in one line, often a vertical line. What we break into lines are often breaks or pauses in the rhythm or language of the haiku.


And one of mine:

light lingers
in iris blossoms
her fragrance


Haiku is one of those things where, the more you learn, the more you realize you have to learn.

jim

 

[McKenna]

.

 

[jthserra]

As I mentioned in my post above...

one of the most erotic poems I have ever read was a haiku:

Written in Japanese by Katsura Nobuko and translated to English by Makoto Ueda:


beyond the dark
where I disrobe
an iris in bloom

 

[McKenna]

.

 

[jthserra]

We disagree

on what is erotic.

How I miss Anais Nin...


jim

 

[Edward Teach]

Actually Haiku not only has to do with 575 syllables, it also has to be about nature, usually seasonal IE spring. It doesn't have to rhyme, but some do, and I have no Idea why. LOL

DS [/QUOTE

Been hard write Haiku
Then DS tell me more rule
Brain buzz like spring bee

By edward teach

 

[A7inchPhildo]

CM,

Well at least you didn't use much of anyones time. Really I was expecting like nine lines or something. But three was cute! Next to all the big advertisement and stuff it was hard to find.

Keep up the good work Hun, you're doing great!


Wondering the reaction I would get from a one line, one word poem?

"Sex in all its glory"

Sex

 

[Colleen Thomas]

I'm with Mckenna, I just don't see how you can do too much to make haiku erotic. Perhaps I am not normal, but it takes more than 17 syllables to get me going I think.

On the other hand, Cm's was pretty good

-Colly

 

[Guest]

McKenna, Colleen, and Phil, thanks so much for your comments on my Haiku. They are appreciated.


Jim, I appreciate your comments and I guess with what I put in subject line I was asking for it.

However, when I talk about Haiku, I do so in its most basic form. I am a writer, who was doing her very best to write some poems that were at least decent.

I think, considering what I meant for the poem to say, that it is decent.

You don't think it meets haiku criteria, but I disagree. Such as life, not everyone sees things the same way. Life would be boring if that were so.

 

[raphy]

... it takes more than 17 syllables to get me going I think.

I think I'm probably the same way. I think if I was going to write erotic haiku, you'd have to go for the shock value of it .. Sort of the literary equivalent of coming home and having your partner surprise you by pushing you up against the wall the instant you walk through the door.. You're not expecting it, but you get instantly turned on.. That sort of thing..

You know I want you
Panting, breathless, begging me
To give you my cock

(off the top of my head)

edit - Less off the top of my head than it was.. I couldn't help but edit as I re-read my post, heh...

 

[Icingsugar]

You don't think it meets haiku criteria, but I disagree. Such as life, not everyone sees things the same way. Life would be boring if that were so.

I'm sorry, but in this particular case, I have to disagree. Apples can't be oranges just because I say so. There are content definitions for a haiku too.

I think your poem is pretty good (A 3 from me, I rate poems quite harshly. So that's not bad, but you have made better ones.), and it is structured like a haiku, but it's not one, content wise.

the simple writing
of seventeen syllables
doth not haiku make
("Not a Haiku" by Gerald England)

However, I don't think that should have anything to do with how the poem is judged. If it's good it's good, and you are free to put any title on anything you make, the title is part of the art IMO.

I played in a band once. We made a trashy, punky, l o u d song about motorcycles and booze. It was called "Romantic Piano Ballad". We never explained why.

 

[Guest]

You poet-persons (and I am one) are way too harsh. A haiku on Lit. should not be judged like one in Japan or for a literary journal. I call mine haiku-like. Crimson was into the spirit of the thing forfucksake.

Perdita

 

[Colleen Thomas]

I think you are wrong to tag Cm for the content. While traditional haiku is about nature more often than not, nature isn't all that erotic. She is writing erotic haiku. That is haiku form with erotic content. For 17 syllables she did well I think.

-Colly

 

[Colleen Thomas]

You poet-persons (and I am one) are way too harsh. A haiku on Lit. should not be judged like one in Japan or for a literary journal. I call mine haiku-like. Crimson was into the spirit of the thing forfucksake.

Perdita

LOL,

Sick em dita!



-Colly

 

[MathGirl]

Actually Haiku not only has to do with 575 syllables, it also has to be about nature

Dear D,
And what, I ask, is more natural than nightsoil?
MG

 

[Icingsugar]

I think you are wrong to tag Cm for the content. While traditional haiku is about nature more often than not, nature isn't all that erotic. She is writing erotic haiku. That is haiku form with erotic content. For 17 syllables she did well I think.

-Colly

Not tagging nobody. At least not trying to tag nobody. Just said that it's not a haiku, not that that made her poem worse, nor that she did wrong in putting Haiku in the title. Please don't put opinions in my mouth. I didn't even mean her poem , I liked that. I only meant to comment on the post saying that she disagreed on what the criteria for a haiku is.

Dita, I don't care if it's really a haiku or not. I rated it based on it's merits as a general poem. And as such, I found it spiffy.


/Ice

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Not tagging nobody. At least not trying to tag nobody. Just said that it's not a haiku, not that that made her poem worse, nor that she did wrong in putting Haiku in the title. Please don't put opinions in my mouth. I didn't even mean her poem , I liked that. I only meant to comment on the post saying that she disagreed on what the criteria for a haiku is.

Dita, I don't care if it's really a haiku or not. I rated it based on it's merits as a general poem. And as such, I found it spiffy.


/Ice

Ice,

I wasn't trying to put opinions in your mouth. I have checked both dictionary.com and both my dictionarys as well as an old english book. Haiku is defined in all as a three line, unryhmed, lyric poem of five, seven and five syllables. It is noted in all definitons that they are traditionally about nature, but in no definition I have seen are they speciffically required to be about nature.

Her poem is in three lines, it is unrhymed and follows the 5-7-5 format. I simply noted that some people here were tagging her poem as not being haiku because of content. Unless there is a more exacting definition then she is as free to choose content as anyone who chooses to do something non-traditionally.

I write cyberpunk stories occasionally. Mine do not follow the traditional forms of the genre, but I have yet to be told it isn't cyberpunk. If you took my post as a personal attack I profusely apologize.

-Colly

 

[Icingsugar]

No need to apologise, Colly. I just wanted to make sure that I was not misunderstood and seen as critizising CM's writing.

(So CM, if you felt under attack, I apologise too.)

I know little about this particular poety form, other than this: 5-7-5, no need for rhyme, describe a scene, mention a season. Those are supposed to be rules. There is more to it than that too, but I don't have it in my head.

Your cyberpunk fiction is probably just as good as the stuff I've read from you, and you know, I think I said in a previous post: If it's good, it's good. I didn't know there were such specific rules attached to that genre, but then again I know very little about it. I've pretty much read some Gibson and seen Blade Runner. So from my horizon I'd just sall it SF Film Noir and leave it at that.

Edited to say: ...and I'm now waiting for Raph to come and correct me at length... muahahah.

/Ice

 

[Colleen Thomas]

No need to apologise, Colly. I just wanted to make sure that I was not misunderstood and seen as critizising CM's writing.

(So CM, if you felt under attack, I apologise too.)

I know little about this particular poety form, other than this: 5-7-5, no need for rhyme, describe a scene, mention a season. Those are supposed to be rules. There is more to it than that too, but I don't have it in my head.

Your cyberpunk fiction is probably just as good as the stuff I've read from you, and you know, I think I said in a previous post: If it's good, it's good. I didn't know there were such specific rules attached to that genre, but then again I know very little about it. I've pretty much read some Gibson and seen Blade Runner. So from my horizon I'd just sall it SF Film Noir and leave it at that.

/Ice

No, there was a need to apologize. I think the world of you and if I upset you intentionally or not I wanted to say I didn't mean it that way.

-Colly