Some words of wisdom, please?

[symbolicflame]

Hi all!
I have never started a thread before, so please be patient, I hope I am doing this right. I identify as a butch. (But I hate labels, but when asked that is what I say) I normally am the aggresive one in the bedroom. I found someone, that I like and after awhile we ended up sleeping together, and I was I was totally submissive, and LOVED it. Talk about shocked. So I thought it was a fluke, but the next time the same thing. But now she is getting rough, and I mean R O U G H. I on occasion like some rough stuff, but she literally rubbed the skin off my nipple. I am not a kid (30's) but for some reason clam up when I am with her. I am not sure I can handle this all the time. Any suggestions?

 

[Chicklet]

I hate to sound cliche or whatnot, but you really just need to tell this girl that you don't want her to be as rough with you. I'm submissive, personally, and love when my partner is rough to the point of brusing.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with telling someone that they're being just a tad too rough with you. If you don't tell her, all that's going to happen is that she's going to continue to do it with no idea that you don't like it (as much as we wish it weren't so, our lovers aren't mind-readers) and you're going to begin to resent it.

Be honest. Say what you've told us. There's no shame in it.

 

[Programmer Cat]

Chicklet's right. There's no shame in admitting either that sometimes you like it rough or that your lover is being too rough. I like a bit of rough play myself, and so does my wife, but we've agreed to use a safeword if one of us thinks the other is being too rough.

 

[shy slave]

Chicklet is right about speaking up and Cat is right about safe words.

But

Symbolic can I ask.. did you like what she did at the time?

If so, but it hurt later that can be helped by using cream to soothe your nipples, particularly those creams used by nursing mothers. You could show her the state of your nipples and ask her to go easy for a while until they recover.

If on the other hand you didnt like it, and are not into heavy masochistic play then tell her.

You dont have to get heavy about how you tell her.

Few yrs ago I had to teach teenagers, a friend advised me to use a 'praise sandwich'.

Tell them something great, tell them the thing you really want to say, tell them something great.

Its not a technique I would use on my Owner but in your situation it may work.

I am curious about how you reacted when she was rough with your nipples, if you gave her indications that it hurt did she stop, slow down or presume you were still enjoying it.
Lots of people wince with pain but still enjoy it and she may have been confused by the signals you gave her at the time.

I am not sure I can handle this all the time.

Not sure if you mean just the rough stuff, or the rough nipple stuff or the submission to her as you are usually in charge.

If its the submission, what about switching for a night and see how you both like it.

 

[symbolicflame]

Thanks for the replies thus far. She does seem overbearing in all areas though, and I am worrying. Example: I have another friend that is not gay and she got very upset that I wanted to spend time with her. (That woman has been through a kot lately, lost her 3 week old grandson about a month ago and other stuff, but I should not haver to explain why I want to spend time with her, we are all adults) I just got back into dating after breaking up in June and think I need to date on.

 

[shy slave]

Thanks for the replies thus far. She does seem overbearing in all areas though, and I am worrying. Example: I have another friend that is not gay and she got very upset that I wanted to spend time with her. (That woman has been through a kot lately, lost her 3 week old grandson about a month ago and other stuff, but I should not haver to explain why I want to spend time with her, we are all adults) I just got back into dating after breaking up in June and think I need to date on.

From this, and your first post, she sounds quite needy.

Thats ok if you can handle it and what that level of intense relationship, but if you think you need to 'date on' then thats what you need to do.

She will soon find another person to lean on and that may be the right person for her.

Good luck with the continued dating

 

[Nirvanadragones]

Are you in a relationship with her? or is it just the sex?

 

[Chicklet]

I just got back into dating after breaking up in June and think I need to date on.

If you're uncomfortable in a relationship with this woman, then do what's best for you and break it off with her. It sucks to have to think about yourself in this situation, because so many emotions are always involved with breaking off any type of relationship, no matter how old or new or with who or what, but this line in your post gave me the impression that you want out before you get sucked too far in.

Please forgive me if I've misunderstood the meaning of your last post.

 

[symbolicflame]

We have known each for three years as friends, but just recently got into a sexual relationship. After thinking about it all day, I have decided to pursue no further with it than just friendship. She seemed to be ok with it. To me just I sense some red flags. We are going to together to a funeral tomorrow together and she knows it as friends. (A friend of mine lost her kid in Irag.) We will see! Thanks to all!

 

[Nirvanadragones]

I believe in effective communication. Even if your decision was to stay friends, there are things that have happened between you. Talk it out with her when the moment is right.

It might make your friendship bond stronger.

We have known each for three years as friends, but just recently got into a sexual relationship. After thinking about it all day, I have decided to pursue no further with it than just friendship. She seemed to be ok with it. To me just I sense some red flags. We are going to together to a funeral tomorrow together and she knows it as friends. (A friend of mine lost her kid in Irag.) We will see! Thanks to all!

 

[symbolicflame]

Just a note on how that day went. It did not go well at all. We drove down, talking (good sign) and when we pull into funeral home the police were stationed at entrances asking for purpose there. (We are not far from Topeka and last military funeral, the ass Rev. Phelps from Topeka showed up protesting a "fag nation" and this would not have been a good idea for him as mother is lesbian and other son would probably ended up in jail) Thank God he did not show up. Her response to police? "you did not tell me pookie was goin' to be here" I explained about the above and thought what is she hiding? She just told me not leave her alone. (Like I had plans to go and mingle???) We stepped in the doors and ran smack into the minister that had performed my daughter's blessing when I was with my ex-girlfriend. It was really nice to see her as I had not seen her in six years. We spoke briefly, I did her introduce her to my friend. Friend needed to go use the women's room, got upset when I would not go in with her. (I don't do the herd thing) By the time she was done the main chapel was full and I needed to check to see if some friends had already arrived that we arranged to meet there were there already. I told her told her to wait for a min while I ducked in the main chapel to check, I scanned the room, (from a discreet back view) and did not see them and left that room. Them right into the mother of the boy. Now. am I suppose to just walk on by and not say anything? No, I stop and hug and give condlonces (sp) and tell her my thoughts are with her. Then I rejoin my friend in the lobby. She says she is going to sit in the car. I ask her why. She says she feels uncomfortable. (funeral, for god's sake not a party) I said I am sitting now and do what you have to do. Then I start to walk to other chapel. And then I hear my ex..She says "who is that" I say under my breath, " my ex." friend then says that's it, I AM going to the car. I turn and say "I am not here to argue with you, I am here to bury a son of a friend. This is not the time nor place for you do whatever this is, I am sitting down." And I did. The funeral was sad. They played American Soldier by Toby Keith.
After that I knew the 101st was going to do the graveside ceremony so I went to car and asked if she would stand next to me, as I was all swollen up from crying and basically a mess. She said "No and in fact I am leaving" started the car. I said "How am I going to get home?" (35 miles) She said "Have your ex take you" and took off, laying rubber. How juvinile for almost a 40 year old woman. I did get home (not by ex but other friends) but I still hurt and very angry. I do not think I can ever forgive her. let alone talk to her.

 

[sxxyblueyes]

Just a note on how that day went. It did not go well at all. We drove down, talking (good sign) and when we pull into funeral home the police were stationed at entrances asking for purpose there. (We are not far from Topeka and last military funeral, the ass Rev. Phelps from Topeka showed up protesting a "fag nation" and this would not have been a good idea for him as mother is lesbian and other son would probably ended up in jail) Thank God he did not show up. Her response to police? "you did not tell me pookie was goin' to be here" I explained about the above and thought what is she hiding? She just told me not leave her alone. (Like I had plans to go and mingle???) We stepped in the doors and ran smack into the minister that had performed my daughter's blessing when I was with my ex-girlfriend. It was really nice to see her as I had not seen her in six years. We spoke briefly, I did her introduce her to my friend. Friend needed to go use the women's room, got upset when I would not go in with her. (I don't do the herd thing) By the time she was done the main chapel was full and I needed to check to see if some friends had already arrived that we arranged to meet there were there already. I told her told her to wait for a min while I ducked in the main chapel to check, I scanned the room, (from a discreet back view) and did not see them and left that room. Them right into the mother of the boy. Now. am I suppose to just walk on by and not say anything? No, I stop and hug and give condlonces (sp) and tell her my thoughts are with her. Then I rejoin my friend in the lobby. She says she is going to sit in the car. I ask her why. She says she feels uncomfortable. (funeral, for god's sake not a party) I said I am sitting now and do what you have to do. Then I start to walk to other chapel. And then I hear my ex..She says "who is that" I say under my breath, " my ex." friend then says that's it, I AM going to the car. I turn and say "I am not here to argue with you, I am here to bury a son of a friend. This is not the time nor place for you do whatever this is, I am sitting down." And I did. The funeral was sad. They played American Soldier by Toby Keith.
After that I knew the 101st was going to do the graveside ceremony so I went to car and asked if she would stand next to me, as I was all swollen up from crying and basically a mess. She said "No and in fact I am leaving" started the car. I said "How am I going to get home?" (35 miles) She said "Have your ex take you" and took off, laying rubber. How juvinile for almost a 40 year old woman. I did get home (not by ex but other friends) but I still hurt and very angry. I do not think I can ever forgive her. let alone talk to her.

Wow! That is REALLY very petty and immature Sorry that she was so assanine and at a funeral no less. What was she thinking?