Canucklehead922
Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 6, 2000
- Posts
- 57
Hi! Here's something I found whilst perusing The Manitoban (University of Manitoba's newspaper). From the Feb. 7, 2001 issue (vol. 88, no. 22):
All Things Nasty, Part 5... [By the way, this is a bit disgusting.]
...part fiction, part informative, but it is all nasty.
Oliver is a skinny man and has been one all his life. In his middle age, he started to develop what is commonly known as a "beer belly." His belly grew and grew and became a rock-hard, pseudo-pregnant bulge....
Oliver was convinced that it must be muscle, because it was rock-hard, and beer bellies are supposed to be squishy and jolly. So when the people in his life made jokes in passing about his pregnant bulge, he would simply put their hand on the solid mass, and say, "Could fat feel like this?"
In fact, Oliver was right about one thing: his belly was not a "beer belly" per se, but rather a "shit belly." All of those nachos (covered in heavenly processed cheese), all of those junky snack foods instead of real meals, lent a hand to Oliver's shit belly.
That's right folks, you really are what you eat, and everything you eat now may not take immediate effect, but will one day. Your intestines are like pipes, and pipes get clogged. [And no amount of Drain-O will fix it. Sorry, had to put that in there.] The blockages grow bigger and bigger with each passing year, but intestinal health, along with the words rectum, anus, ass, shit, and fart, are taboo....
It wasn't just Oliver's problem, it is probably your problem, too. The average person carries around five to 25 extra pounds [this is a Canadian paper; why didn't the author of the article measure mass, in kilograms?] of hardened fecal matter in their colon!...
There is something equally nasty that you can do to rectify this nasty condition: colon irrigation.... Purified water is introduced into the colon...[and] cleans out the "shit belly" by soaking it away with water and stimulating the colon into peristaltic action....
While it sounds nasty, it is probably better than being one of the 100,000 people per year (in the U.S.) that have to get some or all of their colons replaced.
...Well, this woman is going to offer you a piece of advice that you should never, ever forget: don't ever swallow your gum again! It seems purely logical that gum would clog up your pipes, no? Or, perhaps, I am just spreading an old wives' tale.
-----
Well! Isn't that pleasant? Kind of puts a new perspective on your anal sex fantasies, don't it? By the way, can anybody verify this? I would, but I'm too lazy.
(If this story is complete bullshit, it makes my signature kind of ironic, I suppose...)
All Things Nasty, Part 5... [By the way, this is a bit disgusting.]
...part fiction, part informative, but it is all nasty.
Oliver is a skinny man and has been one all his life. In his middle age, he started to develop what is commonly known as a "beer belly." His belly grew and grew and became a rock-hard, pseudo-pregnant bulge....
Oliver was convinced that it must be muscle, because it was rock-hard, and beer bellies are supposed to be squishy and jolly. So when the people in his life made jokes in passing about his pregnant bulge, he would simply put their hand on the solid mass, and say, "Could fat feel like this?"
In fact, Oliver was right about one thing: his belly was not a "beer belly" per se, but rather a "shit belly." All of those nachos (covered in heavenly processed cheese), all of those junky snack foods instead of real meals, lent a hand to Oliver's shit belly.
That's right folks, you really are what you eat, and everything you eat now may not take immediate effect, but will one day. Your intestines are like pipes, and pipes get clogged. [And no amount of Drain-O will fix it. Sorry, had to put that in there.] The blockages grow bigger and bigger with each passing year, but intestinal health, along with the words rectum, anus, ass, shit, and fart, are taboo....
It wasn't just Oliver's problem, it is probably your problem, too. The average person carries around five to 25 extra pounds [this is a Canadian paper; why didn't the author of the article measure mass, in kilograms?] of hardened fecal matter in their colon!...
There is something equally nasty that you can do to rectify this nasty condition: colon irrigation.... Purified water is introduced into the colon...[and] cleans out the "shit belly" by soaking it away with water and stimulating the colon into peristaltic action....
While it sounds nasty, it is probably better than being one of the 100,000 people per year (in the U.S.) that have to get some or all of their colons replaced.
...Well, this woman is going to offer you a piece of advice that you should never, ever forget: don't ever swallow your gum again! It seems purely logical that gum would clog up your pipes, no? Or, perhaps, I am just spreading an old wives' tale.
-----
Well! Isn't that pleasant? Kind of puts a new perspective on your anal sex fantasies, don't it? By the way, can anybody verify this? I would, but I'm too lazy.
(If this story is complete bullshit, it makes my signature kind of ironic, I suppose...)
