Some feedback would be great

[tension1972]

I could really usemore reviews on this story. It has averaged a 4 rating, I'd like to make it a 5.

My story "An Uncommon Massage":

http://english.literotica.com/stori...y.php?id=220688

Thank you!

 

[Penelope Street]

The link doesn't work.

 

[kbate]

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=220688

Well, it definitely is not a five in my book but it is not a bad story.

Grammar/Writing:

In general the writing is Ok, a few dozen various places with incorrect verb tenses and a few other minor problems. Nothing that seriously detracts from the read. A proof reader would help.

Story:

I was a bit lost early in the story. The opening few paragraphs were difficult to read, I imagine many readers push the back button prior to reaching the meat of the story. The main character is not very well developed, the whole business of his phone taps, studying the victim, setting up the game and the rest should be better described. It almost rushed through what could have been the best part of the story to get into the sex. Such an elaborate plot to make a hundred thousand from rape fantasy clients needs to be detailed further in order to make it believable.

Category Choice:

I don't know what category I would place it in, possibly Loving Wives where it would be slammed by the usual crowd, or in Non-consent where it will be slammed by people like "Anonymous" who gave you the 1 because it did not fit his/her idea of the category, that kind of idiot should be disregarded.

 

[tension1972]

Link did not work

I don't know why the link isn't working. Kbates seems to work when I click on it above. When I look for the story, that is the link it gives. I'll try to figure it out.


Kbates thanks for the comments and I agree 100%!