Some Feedback PLEASE!

[Wicked-N-Erotic]

Am I a no-talent wanna be? It's my friends and family that have encouraged me to post my writing, they've said I was talented. What do you all think? Should I give it up? Do I need to try harder? Am I writing at 3rd grade level? LOL
Your comments and feedback are greatly appreciated.


In A Dream
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=57331

Don't Leave me
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=57330

How To Feel
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=57329

The Seductress
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=57326

 

[WickedEve]

I read In a Dream. It didn't suck.

Strong desire, evil but delicious
Coercing senses not aware
Plays with my purity
Patiently I wait
Longing for your touch
Nerves tingling with desire
Likes shocks of hot rain
Bewitching eyes
Spells that weave passions
Reminiscent of desire for you
Distant hands reach for me
In my mind you are here
Carressing my body and soul
You whisper sublime words of love
My body trembles
Mouths against silky breasts
Unleash the tempest
Love me only for now
For soon I'll awake

"like shocks of hot rain" is a very good line.
You do need to be careful of repeating a word too many times in a poem, unless it's a refrain. You use "desire" 3 times. Maybe you could find some alternative words to replace 1 or 2 of them. I have a few other suggestions, but I want to read the rest of your poetry. I'm glad you found your way here.