Some feedback on my latest intallment?

[Guest]

Okay.

I've been writing a story for the past few months, just recently posting the first and second chapter. It being under the novels/novellas section at Lit, I'm not sure it's going to get as much attention as I'd like.

Anyway, because I consider it a novella, it's more developed ( I hope) than some of the other stories here. The first chapter didn't get very good ratings, because there wasn't much action in it. I can understand that, since this is an erotic-based site. However, after just posting the second installment, I can't help but wonder if it's got the pick up it needs to draw people's attentions to the rest of the story. Personally, I like it. But that's expected since I am the author. Heh.

So I was wondering if someone might take a look at it and tell me what they think. I know there is one sentance that I accidentally cut half way through, but other than that, I'd love to have potential errors pointed out so I can make chapter 3 even better.

It's about a teenage boy who, basically, seduces a virgin. Chapter 2 is only the beginning. It's not very long... about a page and a half.

Here we go, and enjoy.

Thanks!

An Easy Target? Maybe Not. Chapter Two.

 

[Sweet_Candi]

Okay.

I've been writing a story for the past few months, just recently posting the first and second chapter. It being under the novels/novellas section at Lit, I'm not sure it's going to get as much attention as I'd like.

Anyway, because I consider it a novella, it's more developed ( I hope) than some of the other stories here. The first chapter didn't get very good ratings, because there wasn't much action in it. I can understand that, since this is an erotic-based site. However, after just posting the second installment, I can't help but wonder if it's got the pick up it needs to draw people's attentions to the rest of the story. Personally, I like it. But that's expected since I am the author. Heh.

So I was wondering if someone might take a look at it and tell me what they think. I know there is one sentance that I accidentally cut half way through, but other than that, I'd love to have potential errors pointed out so I can make chapter 3 even better.

It's about a teenage boy who, basically, seduces a virgin. Chapter 2 is only the beginning. It's not very long... about a page and a half.

Here we go, and enjoy.

Thanks!

An Easy Target? Maybe Not. Chapter Two.

Sati,

Aside from some grammatical errors (mostly unfinished or run on sentences), your story truly rocked!! I loved the way you described everything in such detail....and you had me absolutely panting at the end....especially when he dared to touch her in the nurses office....and hold her arms above her head....very, very hot.

Please let me know when you've got the next chapter up.

 

[Guest]

Thanks, Candi.

I truly appriciate your feedback, and will be sure to re-read more times than normal before I submit chapter three so I won't miss any careless mistakes such as grammatical errors and run on sentances ( though I still haven't spotted one of those yet.)

No one else was moved (either in a good way or bad way)enough by my story to leave some feed back?

Aww. C'mon guys.

Please?

 

[Ransom]

Sati,

I usually do not visit that section but I took
the time to read your story. I enjoyed it and
thought it was very well written. You should
be happy with your efforts and even more
happy that the God's were pleased enough
to print it. Some of us are not as fortunate.