Some advice please?

[Lydya_H]

Hi everyone

I was wondering if someone can give me some advice about an incest story I'm writing ... it's my first time and I'm sure there are problems with it It is about a father breaking his in his youngest daughter on her eighteenth birthday, under the supervision of his eldest ... I think maybe it is too long so far and I'm not really sure about one or two details ...

Any help would be appreciated

 

[Lydya_H]

At the moment I only have an incomplete draft of the introduction, which is almost 5000 words already(!). Seems far too excessive for what it is, a kind of formality leading into a larger series of stories surrounding an isolated village where daughters are raised to be slaves. I wonder if I can bypass it? I have already started going into the following stories ...

But I think I should still use what I have as a gauge of what I can do and improve from it ... I think I overuse dialogue but neglect my own character (Should I use a character based so directly on me?), and I'm not sure my presentation will translate well into Lit's format, too many larger paragraphs. I'm not sure about my grammar either, I think I overuse comma's, and also refer to my characters by name too much .... Basically it is my first time writing and I have no idea if I'm doing well, I'd love some guidance

Here is a random sample

Without hesitation she pecked her Daddy on the cheek, allowing a second for him to admire her smile and enthusiasm, before shifting her attention to a waiting Natalie. Suddenly, she found herself being kissed with a finesse, a passion, a romance that was entirely alien, even puzzling to her. A very slow, continuous kiss that lingered in a very curious, sensual demeanour for little Lydia, it quickly dispelled these initial reactions, replacing them with a swooning, dazed acceptance, for Natalie was well aware of how to seduce through these means, with her cultured lips and her graceful tongue. She knew this would be the perfect introduction for her little sister, and was ensuring a very complaisant student for the day.

“My little pet, I tell you, your sister has been as eager for this day as I have, you have never been kissed so intimately before, I would have gladly been the first to offer you this experience but your sister …” He began before the kiss ended, uncaring of whether they were listening, though obediently they ended, staring at each other with playful, adoring smiles, but always listening to their Daddy, “This is a reward for her, I could not tell you what desires she has had for you. Today you will learn to please your Daddy, but I am sure you will not protest at me saying your big sister will have an authority over you too. My little darling, why don’t you show you gratitude to your sister? I can see you are quite eager…”

To make sure she had complete permission, and that her Daddy truly was taken with the sight, Lydia quickly glanced towards him with an excited, grateful smirk, before she leant in and began laying an irregular, sweet pattern of tender kisses to her big sister, who this time allowed Lydia a complete freedom to express herself, her technique exposed her inexperience, but Natalie adored her little sisters efforts to emulate her flair. Though her lips and tongue always remained within striking distance, Lydia was still essentially very timid but determined to present herself the correct way, still she allowed little pauses in case Natalie wished to respond, always offering her an element of control.

As Lydia’s efforts became more prolonged both sisters became more admiring of each other, their bodies close, their hands exploring. For Lydia this was just instinct, Natalie however was accustomed to this, and her elegant fingers danced over slowly over her little sisters back, caressing her through the thin fabric of her dress, and always threatening to drift down to her backside.

When their Daddy slowly rose to his feet, trying his best not to distract his charming girls, they stopped, Lydia blushing and giggling under the flattering eyes of her sister, they remained close, still caressing each other, expecting Daddy to speak.

 

[samfunboy89]

Your Incest Story

Hi Lydya,

Sam here, I'm one of the Voluntary Editors. I must say a 5,000 word preamble does seem a little overlong, but it all depends on what you're trying to accomplish and whether it helps the story. If you want, email me what you've got so far and I'll take a look at it.

My email addy is samfunboy89@yahoo.co.uk. Give me about a week or so to get back to you.

Cordially,
Sam.

 

[Lydya_H]

Thank you I've sent you an email

 

[exec1101]

Advice

Lydya -

I just had my first story, Wendy's out of control pussy, posted yesterday. I used the volunteer editors section to find an editor, Darla, who helped me a great deal with my story. I would suggest you speak to a few editors and find someone you are comfortable working with on your story.

I wish you a great deal of satisfaction and success with your story.

 

[Lydya_H]

Thanks I hope to get a few different opinions on my work, so if anyone else would like to help me then I'd really appreciate it, but I hope to use all the advice I'm given

 

[rozezwild]

Thanks I hope to get a few different opinions on my work, so if anyone else would like to help me then I'd really appreciate it, but I hope to use all the advice I'm given

I also am an editor here and if you still want any other opinions then send me a PM and we can go from there

 

[Lydya_H]

Thanks I've sent you a message