Some advice needed please

[Leda]

I have been reading these forums for a few months and have mostly found the responces to be helpful and the people to be understanding so i was hoping you would be able to help with a problem i have.

Im in a long distance relationship atm , and I have been for about 6 months. He visited me in Feburary and now Im finally going to see him in a couple of weeks time. When he visited things were really good and despite the 1000 miles that seperates us I really want to make a go of this.

The problem I have been feeling is the fact that we are both very shy with each other.Before he visited we never really talked about sex alot, there was heat but we were both too shy to actually do anything about it apart from a couple of half drunken converstaions which led to talking dirty etc. When he visited it was great and we did talk and for the first time i felt comfortable with a guy. But after he left things have once again gone back to the way they were and im finding it very fustrating.

I have attempted to talk to him about it which was very difficult for me as Im quite shy but he was worse than me and just said he couldnt,that he was too shy. (which he only is with me not other people we know online)I now feel I cant ever raise the subject becasue Im going to be rejected which hurts alot. I know he loves me and does think about that because he has hinted at things but he never carries this through. With me going to visit him in a couple of weeks I was hoping to talk to him about this as it has been a very difficult few months for me but I am unsure how to raise the issue and dont even know if I should . Please can you help me so I know how to raise this issue without causing problems. I hate feeling that Im being naughty for wanting to be with my boyfriend and to talk to him about it seeing as that is the only way we can be together , so to speak, I just want to feel close to him and I cant go back to the way things have been again.

 

[DuckLover]

Welcome to Lit!! I'm glad you have found the boards to be useful.

Also, I commend you on just posting your question! It can take a lot of courage to ask, especially for people who aren't normally comfortable talking about sex and their own sexuality.

There's nothing morally (or otherwise) wrong with wanting to explore your sexuality and wanting to enjoy it. That's why it's there! And one thing you'll see repeatedly on the boards is that the biggest key to great sex is COMMUNICATION.

Good communication isn't always easy, especially around the topic of sexuality. My gf and I are 500 miles apart (so I empathize with how much it sucks), but one thing we both appreciate about it is that the distance forces us to build our communication. We started with oblique flirting online, built through blatant innuendo, and have gotten all the way to VERY explicit cybersex. It can be done, but don't feel the need to rush it.

You might start with really simple things like "I really enjoyed how safe I felt in your arms", "I love the passion in your kisses", or "I got really excited by the way we talked before." Build very slowly. You might also talk about talking, about WHY you feel uncomfortable talking about "it". Another tack to try might be role-playing-- agree that when you are alone together, you don't have to be your usual selves. Choose a character you want to impersonate (from TV, movie, etc) and just have fun with that.

If you would like more specifics or ideas, feel free to send me a Private Message. The most important thing is to KEEP TALKING, even if it's not about sex. As you get to know each other better, you'll both become more comfortabe around each other and the sex talk will get easier.