Some advice about the world.

[poohlive]

I recently found myself in an incredible relationship with a girl, and have just taken it to the next level. We were playing, fooling around, and in the heat of the moment... I'm still not quite sure how it happened, I "topped" her. I guess that's what you call it, I don't know. I mean, I just told her what to do, made her beg, and she loved every second of it. I did as well.

I always thought of myself more as a sub, but then again I never really had the chance to dom before, and so this was just a whole new world opened up to me.

Of course, I didn't know if she really liked it or not, I thought I had gone too far with it... because we did go a little far the first time. So, we talked about it afterwards, I asked her several times if it was ok, if we went too far, how she felt. She said she loved it though, and would like to keep doing it.

Which was perfect for me, because I wanted it too.

Except... I've never been in this kind of relationship before... not even as a sub. I always thought of myself as submissive, but never went anywhere with it.

So, we both want to start this new relationship of Dom and sub, but I am not quite sure how to do it. I don't really know the finers arts of this relationship, what is expected, what to do, what not to do. I mean, I have a general idea, and that seemed to work for being in the heat of the moment, but I just don't want to screw this up, for either of us. She is a wonderful woman, and I want only whats best for her.

For both of us. So, any and all help would be appreciated.

 

[catalina_francisco]

One of the most valueable pieces of advice I could give you is to not get too hung up on conforming to what some others may try and tell you is the 'right way' to do it. Much of what D/s is about is expressing sexual freedom to be who you feel you are and want to be, do what feels right, so conforming can put an end to that real quick and see you stuck in just another box...a different one perhaps, but still limiting in it's own design. Build the relationship on what you both need and desire, what works for you, and what brings you both pleasure and happiness. Enjoy the journey, every step brings you closer to an adventure you may only have dreamed possible.

Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

Poohlive that sounds like such a great beginning.

Congratulations!

I'm sure you will be able to find many things to do that fit into your relationship with your girl.

I would start with talking about what you both think you like and what you both think your limits would be. As you go on you may find those things changing because people don't always know themselves that well and being people they change as they gain more experience.

Enjoy the journey,

Fury

 

[poohlive]

Thanks Fury.

Yes, I think I've heard it before, communication is always helpful. We will keep an open line about this. I also know that stereotypes are horrible to follow, and keep in your mind. Part of the reason I think some people just can't accept a BDSM lifestyle is because of the negative stereotypes they give of men and women and powerplay

So, that is something I definitely will avoid. Except, like I said, both her and I are very new at this, and we don't know much more than the generalizations and stereotypes of the relationship and situation. So, we are looking for a starting place, where we can then push off on our own and see what we see.

 

[Rrrosyn]

Put each other first, love first and then ditto to what catalina said.

If I tried to conform to what I "perceive" is the norm here, I would make myself insane. I am my own person. j is his own person (though he belongs to me). And we are a couple puts each other first but enjoys the BDSM aspects of our sexuality and the D/s aspects of our living arrangement.

LIFE will always interfere no matter how conformed you are anyway. 24/7 slaves/subs/pyls still get sick and need to have someone else look after the laundry for a bit. BDSM couples still have children and they will always come first before any kink. Dominants will still have bad days when they need to be comforted by their slaves/subs/pyl. No matter what you're planning for your relationship LIFE will toss in its two cents and an extra dime.