Soma99
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Oct 5, 2016
- Posts
- 4,239
https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph571a2aafc15ea
Alright, here we go- looks like we got ourselves a pretty dated homemade clip here.
I’m wondering if it’s old enough that she wasn’t even aware the “internet” was a thing while she was doing this. Oh well, she probably should have been more careful anyways (I assume she didn’t know this was going on line).
0:01- what the fuck is that music?
0:02- OK we are right to it. Her head is between his legs and she is sucking him already. Is she only wearing a bra? How did that go? Did he already go down on her? More likely she thought he was going to and then he skipped that part. This guy is going to have to win me over.
0:18- Oh dear, he’s bragging about the amount of precum he is making. Dude really? That’s a very normal amount (I really wish I didn’t feel that confident about the amount of precum that is normal.)
0:22- Hahaha, even she is like “Dude shut up” --"Is that a promise?" And then she closes her eyes and moves her head away.
0:33- WOW Jannie homemaker has some deep throat game! I didn’t see that happening. Good for you Jane!
1:00- Guys, don’t fucking throw the camera around like its a found footage horror movie. Don’t move it at all until you know where you’re going with it.
1:07- Ok, Janie has a very unfortunate haircut. I mean, is she rocking a combover?
1:24- OK maybe this guy isn’t a terrible guy, I mean he hasn’t done anything to change my mind, but she is working hard for him. That probably means something.
1:30- OH SHIT we got a video transition straight from 2003 powerpoint!!!! That was amazing!!! I am soooooo happy. I really hope we get more of that.
1:33 OK so the camera has been placed facing the couch now, should be a bit more stable. I CAN’T WAIT to judge their decorating choices.
1:40- OK OK OK- a lot to take in during those 5 seconds.
1- she is standing just off to the side so his cock is still on screen, I can only guess how much scene direction he did to make sure that was laid out correctly.
2- then she does the bend over to remove a tiny thong and show her ass. He’s also back on the couch when this happens which I’m sure means he made her wait to do that.
3. She does the shoe flip kicking her thong at him. I assume he wanted that, but that could have been her breaking from script. I will make sure to ask her at the next question and answer sess. We also learn she is wearing heels, again I assume for his benefit. Why do guys like that? I mean if anyone's feet should be covered up it’s the guys gross toes (ya guys, you have gross toes, I am sorry- I mean not you, you handsome reader, just EVERY other guy).
1:45- this fucking guy. He really thinks he’s the next JJ Abrams. He makes her move to the side for a better camera angle! Hey dude, how about she gets some at this point? I mean you must be exhausted from the mental energy of creating this masterpiece but what the fuck?
2:00 I can’t believe I’m only two minutes in. I’m now confident I have thought more about this porn clip than any other human being.
2:04- OK at this angle her hair looks better. I like her little panty set also. Looks pretty comfy also.
2:11 did I miss him being shot? Why the fuck is he laying like that?
2:17- OK he’s trying to finger her. But seriously dude, your not a newborn, hold your head up. You can see what she is doing with hers, engage those neck muscles a tinnnnnnny bit.
2:24- OK so 4 seconds of fingering gets her four spankings. OK I assume you think I’m going say “why does he think he gets to do that?” but that actually made me a little hot. I’m into spankings, don’t tell anyone.
2:31 She had like NO reaction to those ass slaps, damn girl you tough.
2:50 OK a little hair pull to get her off him and a few more slaps. OK, I’m kindaaaaaaa liking this more than I thought I would. Not an issue that will take away from my dedication to my craft here…… maybe I just need a little something as I type this on a Saturday night.
And my internet went out. FIOS is the fucknig worst. I did eat some peanut butter while I was waiting for the router to reboot. Does anyone else do that? Just straight peanut butter from the container? Chunky if you were wondering……. It’s weird that you were wondering.
3:05- OK back to it. First good look at her tits. Not sure if it’s the way she’s leaning or if her left ones hangs a little lower. Not bad either way. I would take them in a heartbeat.
3:10 Lets talk about the fully shaved cock. I mean shaved balls are for sure a big plus. I don’t know how I feel about everything shaved though. I think it’s good, and it for sure looks better on camera…… humm, I will get back to you on my full thoughts.
3:30_ this guys is soooooo lazy. Like he’s just got his arm over the side of the couch. Dude- grab an ass- rub her back, something!
4:35- OK the fucking has slowed down dramatically now that he is in charge of moving.
5:06- Hon, your gonna put a whole in that couch with your heels fucking like that. I’m legit nervous.
5- whatever- you think that’s suede? That couch has seen some shit.
5:45 is she a hooker? Those are stripper hip moves.
5:50- Thats a cute dog in that upper picture on the wall. I can’t really see it but they are all cute.
6:15 I’ll bet she is sweaty. It looks hot and she is doing all the work. (it looks hot because there is clearly a ceiling fan running pretty fast in the room behind them, you can see it in the shadows).
6:30 OH FUCK he MAYYYYYY know what a clit is as he manages to pull his hands away from the couch!!!
6:50- OK he may know but since it lasts 3 seconds he doesn’t care.
7:35 she is definitely sweating, her back is shiny. I’m impressed with my own detective work.
8:33- is that a birthmark or a TERRIBLE tattoo?
8:40 “WHOOOOOO”- you gotta be fucking kidding me. This guy.
8:41- YESSSSS more first edition powerpoint transitions!
8:53- Yes of course three seconds of cunnilingous is plenty!
8:58 The couch made a fart noise!!!! I’m an adult with a mortgage and I’m laughing at a fart noise!
9:10 she seems so happy to lay down.
9:25- I just realized, maybe I am super lazy in bed and this is how much work most women do???? If that’s true all you other chicks are suckers.
10:15 oh shocker, when he has to put in the effort it’s time to cum right away!
10:16- OK low resolution cum shot makes it hard to see if he really produced on his “big load promise.” ya- I remember that, no plot point escapes me! I guess we will never know as it ends after a few post facial sucks.
So overall the age of this recording made it tough to really enjoy, but I will give it a 7.5. There were a few things I really liked, but the overall laziness of the guy made it hard to get too excited.
I wonder if they are still together? Does she know this is on porn hub? I would guess she’s about 30 in that film (yes, if I review it, it becomes a “film”) but I am terrible with ages, I once sold beer to a 2 year old. She looked mature.
Anyways, if she was 30 then and that was probably around 1995 (????) she would be 88 now, so she might not care. Don’t do the math, it checks out.
Anyways, I’m gonna go have some serious thought about my life choices which have lead me here.
Alright, here we go- looks like we got ourselves a pretty dated homemade clip here.
I’m wondering if it’s old enough that she wasn’t even aware the “internet” was a thing while she was doing this. Oh well, she probably should have been more careful anyways (I assume she didn’t know this was going on line).
0:01- what the fuck is that music?
0:02- OK we are right to it. Her head is between his legs and she is sucking him already. Is she only wearing a bra? How did that go? Did he already go down on her? More likely she thought he was going to and then he skipped that part. This guy is going to have to win me over.
0:18- Oh dear, he’s bragging about the amount of precum he is making. Dude really? That’s a very normal amount (I really wish I didn’t feel that confident about the amount of precum that is normal.)
0:22- Hahaha, even she is like “Dude shut up” --"Is that a promise?" And then she closes her eyes and moves her head away.
0:33- WOW Jannie homemaker has some deep throat game! I didn’t see that happening. Good for you Jane!
1:00- Guys, don’t fucking throw the camera around like its a found footage horror movie. Don’t move it at all until you know where you’re going with it.
1:07- Ok, Janie has a very unfortunate haircut. I mean, is she rocking a combover?
1:24- OK maybe this guy isn’t a terrible guy, I mean he hasn’t done anything to change my mind, but she is working hard for him. That probably means something.
1:30- OH SHIT we got a video transition straight from 2003 powerpoint!!!! That was amazing!!! I am soooooo happy. I really hope we get more of that.
1:33 OK so the camera has been placed facing the couch now, should be a bit more stable. I CAN’T WAIT to judge their decorating choices.
1:40- OK OK OK- a lot to take in during those 5 seconds.
1- she is standing just off to the side so his cock is still on screen, I can only guess how much scene direction he did to make sure that was laid out correctly.
2- then she does the bend over to remove a tiny thong and show her ass. He’s also back on the couch when this happens which I’m sure means he made her wait to do that.
3. She does the shoe flip kicking her thong at him. I assume he wanted that, but that could have been her breaking from script. I will make sure to ask her at the next question and answer sess. We also learn she is wearing heels, again I assume for his benefit. Why do guys like that? I mean if anyone's feet should be covered up it’s the guys gross toes (ya guys, you have gross toes, I am sorry- I mean not you, you handsome reader, just EVERY other guy).
1:45- this fucking guy. He really thinks he’s the next JJ Abrams. He makes her move to the side for a better camera angle! Hey dude, how about she gets some at this point? I mean you must be exhausted from the mental energy of creating this masterpiece but what the fuck?
2:00 I can’t believe I’m only two minutes in. I’m now confident I have thought more about this porn clip than any other human being.
2:04- OK at this angle her hair looks better. I like her little panty set also. Looks pretty comfy also.
2:11 did I miss him being shot? Why the fuck is he laying like that?
2:17- OK he’s trying to finger her. But seriously dude, your not a newborn, hold your head up. You can see what she is doing with hers, engage those neck muscles a tinnnnnnny bit.
2:24- OK so 4 seconds of fingering gets her four spankings. OK I assume you think I’m going say “why does he think he gets to do that?” but that actually made me a little hot. I’m into spankings, don’t tell anyone.
2:31 She had like NO reaction to those ass slaps, damn girl you tough.
2:50 OK a little hair pull to get her off him and a few more slaps. OK, I’m kindaaaaaaa liking this more than I thought I would. Not an issue that will take away from my dedication to my craft here…… maybe I just need a little something as I type this on a Saturday night.
And my internet went out. FIOS is the fucknig worst. I did eat some peanut butter while I was waiting for the router to reboot. Does anyone else do that? Just straight peanut butter from the container? Chunky if you were wondering……. It’s weird that you were wondering.
3:05- OK back to it. First good look at her tits. Not sure if it’s the way she’s leaning or if her left ones hangs a little lower. Not bad either way. I would take them in a heartbeat.
3:10 Lets talk about the fully shaved cock. I mean shaved balls are for sure a big plus. I don’t know how I feel about everything shaved though. I think it’s good, and it for sure looks better on camera…… humm, I will get back to you on my full thoughts.
3:30_ this guys is soooooo lazy. Like he’s just got his arm over the side of the couch. Dude- grab an ass- rub her back, something!
4:35- OK the fucking has slowed down dramatically now that he is in charge of moving.
5:06- Hon, your gonna put a whole in that couch with your heels fucking like that. I’m legit nervous.
5- whatever- you think that’s suede? That couch has seen some shit.
5:45 is she a hooker? Those are stripper hip moves.
5:50- Thats a cute dog in that upper picture on the wall. I can’t really see it but they are all cute.
6:15 I’ll bet she is sweaty. It looks hot and she is doing all the work. (it looks hot because there is clearly a ceiling fan running pretty fast in the room behind them, you can see it in the shadows).
6:30 OH FUCK he MAYYYYYY know what a clit is as he manages to pull his hands away from the couch!!!
6:50- OK he may know but since it lasts 3 seconds he doesn’t care.
7:35 she is definitely sweating, her back is shiny. I’m impressed with my own detective work.
8:33- is that a birthmark or a TERRIBLE tattoo?
8:40 “WHOOOOOO”- you gotta be fucking kidding me. This guy.
8:41- YESSSSS more first edition powerpoint transitions!
8:53- Yes of course three seconds of cunnilingous is plenty!
8:58 The couch made a fart noise!!!! I’m an adult with a mortgage and I’m laughing at a fart noise!
9:10 she seems so happy to lay down.
9:25- I just realized, maybe I am super lazy in bed and this is how much work most women do???? If that’s true all you other chicks are suckers.
10:15 oh shocker, when he has to put in the effort it’s time to cum right away!
10:16- OK low resolution cum shot makes it hard to see if he really produced on his “big load promise.” ya- I remember that, no plot point escapes me! I guess we will never know as it ends after a few post facial sucks.
So overall the age of this recording made it tough to really enjoy, but I will give it a 7.5. There were a few things I really liked, but the overall laziness of the guy made it hard to get too excited.
I wonder if they are still together? Does she know this is on porn hub? I would guess she’s about 30 in that film (yes, if I review it, it becomes a “film”) but I am terrible with ages, I once sold beer to a 2 year old. She looked mature.
Anyways, if she was 30 then and that was probably around 1995 (????) she would be 88 now, so she might not care. Don’t do the math, it checks out.
Anyways, I’m gonna go have some serious thought about my life choices which have lead me here.
