Soft swing advice needed

[SouthernPilot63]

In my previous marriage, my wife and I occasionally played with one other couple, but mostly she played alone with other men. We put no limits on each other.

My current wife of five years (she's 22 years younger than me) just told me a few days ago that she'd like to find another man to play with us, but only in a soft swing, threesome situation. Me always there and no penetration by the other guy.

My problems are:

1) She's not into meeting random men on the internet through swinging sites, etc

2) She wants me to choose the man because she doesn't want me to be suspicious of who she might choose, even though I've told her I completely trust her judgment. I wouldn't even care if it were an ex-boyfriend. Our relationship is very strong.

I've never tried to choose play partners for my ex because I had a hard time knowing who she was attracted to. I see the same issue here.

3) I have few male friends, and the vast majority are work friends in other cities, so that makes it close to impossible to find someone under her guidelines.

4) I worry a little about men respecting her limits, especially if she got to the point she gets comfortable playing alone. How do we screen for that?

5) Have any of you been in situations where soft progressed to full swing? I support whichever she chooses, but I wonder if many couples test the waters first with soft swapping.

So, in general, I'm very supportive of her desire to try this, but where do I go from here? The ball is in my court.

 

[Britva415]

I'm very supportive of her desire to try this

Is it even her desire at all? Did she come up with this idea out of nowhere or is it more like something you got her to say only after she repeatedly heard you say you wished she would do this, and remind her that your other relationship was also like that?

She doesn’t seem like she wants it that badly. She’s making you do the work, I imagine because she thinks it will be you who enjoys the benefit.

Anyway, I don’t have the experience you’re asking about, though my own marriage is nonmonogamous. We just do it differently. But if it were me, I would say No to #2. Her fuckbuddy, her business. I might make an exception if it were based on her having like a pimp fantasy or something, but that’s not what’s going on here, as far as I can tell.

 

[SouthernPilot63]

Is it even her desire at all? Did she come up with this idea out of nowhere or is it more like something you got her to say only after she repeatedly heard you say you wished she would do this, and remind her that your other relationship was also like that?

She doesn’t seem like she wants it that badly. She’s making you do the work, I imagine because she thinks it will be you who enjoys the benefit.

She knows about my history with my ex, but since she was never interested in anything like that, I never tried to convince her to do anything similar.

She has been asking me a lot about what fantasies I have. I always just tell her I don't have any I haven't fulfilled, but she keeps bringing it up every couple of months. I finally admitted that I have those fantasies, but because it's not her thing, I keep them to myself. I don't think it's a situation of me pressuring her, or even suggesting it. That's why I was pretty surprised when she said it's something she'd like to try.

She tried it many years ago with a boyfriend and a friend of his, but never repeated it.

If I thought she was agreeing to something she didn't want to do, it wouldn't be a turn-on for me at all.