So... You've been in a kinky relationship a while...

[Desdemona]

What changes? Please discuss.

Do you get kinkier?
Do you become vanilla?
Does it wax and wane?
Do you discover that you no longer like things you both used to crave?

Inquiring minds want to know. I suspect it's different for different couples or groups.

As you reply, please indicate whether this is online only, a LDR or real time (or combination) situation. I imagine that people who live together and deal with the boring realities of life intruding on their dynamic have different experiences than those who can only see each other occasionally or not at all.

I'll go first.

We've lived together for 3 years.
Real life intrudes with age related aches and pains, job related stress, falling asleep due to exhaustion after a long day at work, the need to provide care for elderly parents, etc.

The kink factor waxes and wanes but it's still there . There are times when romance and vanilla type sex are what we both crave.

The D/s factor has certainly diminished. He'd tell you I've gotten pretty "mouthy" and then I'd give him the finger. Then we'd both start laughing at each other.

We've both discovered that there are activities that no longer turn us on; in fact, I might drag out the old dusty safeword if he even attempted objectification these days. But you never know, one day it might "do it" for both of us again. We're thinking that our sexuality is evolving over time.

So, what's your experience?

 

[rida]

Married for 12 years, kinky for 4 years, and ebbing and flowing between D/s and M/s for the last year or so.

Family life, work life, and just plain life come in the way more often than not.

The biggest change is that it was first his idea and I just went along. It than became my obsession and it is now just the way things are between us.

It does not mean sex is always in bondage or any other specific bdsm activity. It means that most of the time when I enter the bed, I'm his to do as he pleases. Of course I can ask what I want, but it is up to him.

But than at time, he is just too busy/tired or what not, and it is basically just like in the old pre-kinky days.

As for activities that where once loved and now hated or vice versa ... he stopped ice play because (he claims) I said I hated it. I cannot remember saying it at all and I actually love it now so ... it is back on the menu

 

[Desdemona]

Hi rida

Thanks for your reply. Sounds like you have a great relationship and I'm happy that you guys communicate so well. Congrats on keeping things flowing in spite of what life throws at you!

 

[malinborn]

I think this differs with each couple...

When i was with Nik, the former Mistress, things started (for us) very wild and waned off until.. well, we ended things. I ended things. With a girl i was dating from Texas we seemed to get kinkier but this was her wanting to sate that need in me. With fi and I.. well, we've been together since late 95... we started off kinky.. then that subsided for awhile.. then it grew again, perhaps a bit slower as we deal with the aches of aging and weight.. but the weight part is becoming less of an issue and with that.. i think part of our kink grows... we're more active.. we consider more events..

i think it's much dependent on the person, the place. I look forward to many more kinky years with my beloved Fi

 

[EmpressFi]

For Malin and I... it's like he said..we started off kinky.. and then waned..and now we're mostly vanilla with more and more kink added back in.

Master and I, we've been together about 18 months.. we've been D/s the entire time, but our get togethers are so few and far between that they're both full of kink.. AND I wouldnt say vanilla sex..but just lots of sex.. sometimes rough..sometimes sweet and tender, because we have to savor each moment.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I live with Master and have done so for 9 months now. We were LDR before that.

It varies. Sometimes he wants to rip into me and other times he's (almost) tender and romantic. D/s is present in all our expressions of affection and our lovemaking. I do occasionally muster the courage to show a little initiative (depending on Master's mood) but I never take the lead and anything that I initiate only occurs because he deigns to permit it. When he's in a really feral mood, all bets are off and I am mutely compliant to the point of almost ceasing to think.

I don't think we'll ever become vanilla. We will have been a couple for 2 years soon and we're still as stupidly horny for each other as we were when we first met. I can't really see our attraction to each other waning any time soon. We aren't having sex that often at the moment but when we do it's an epic scene that lasts at least an hour and often takes a whole evening of me dressing up in a corset, serving food and wine and pandering to his every whim or sitting on a floor cushion at his feet (unless I'm on footstool duty of course.) I think that this approach of keeping sex as special, quality time together has prevented our desire for each other and our need for M/s S&M kinkplay from becoming dilute. On the rare occasion that Master demands a 'quickie' I'll still bear the bite marks and bruises for days. We're very intense like that.

 

[Desdemona]

I hope

I think this differs with each couple...

When i was with Nik, the former Mistress, things started (for us) very wild and waned off until.. well, we ended things. I ended things. With a girl i was dating from Texas we seemed to get kinkier but this was her wanting to sate that need in me. With fi and I.. well, we've been together since late 95... we started off kinky.. then that subsided for awhile.. then it grew again, perhaps a bit slower as we deal with the aches of aging and weight.. but the weight part is becoming less of an issue and with that.. i think part of our kink grows... we're more active.. we consider more events..

i think it's much dependent on the person, the place. I look forward to many more kinky years with my beloved Fi

your relationship with Fi continues to grow. Sounds happy.

 

[Desdemona]

savoring the moment

For Malin and I... it's like he said..we started off kinky.. and then waned..and now we're mostly vanilla with more and more kink added back in.

Master and I, we've been together about 18 months.. we've been D/s the entire time, but our get togethers are so few and far between that they're both full of kink.. AND I wouldnt say vanilla sex..but just lots of sex.. sometimes rough..sometimes sweet and tender, because we have to savor each moment.

Is what life's all about.

 

[Desdemona]

Stupidly horny for each other

I live with Master and have done so for 9 months now. We were LDR before that.

It varies. Sometimes he wants to rip into me and other times he's (almost) tender and romantic. D/s is present in all our expressions of affection and our lovemaking. I do occasionally muster the courage to show a little initiative (depending on Master's mood) but I never take the lead and anything that I initiate only occurs because he deigns to permit it. When he's in a really feral mood, all bets are off and I am mutely compliant to the point of almost ceasing to think.

I don't think we'll ever become vanilla. We will have been a couple for 2 years soon and we're still as stupidly horny for each other as we were when we first met. I can't really see our attraction to each other waning any time soon. We aren't having sex that often at the moment but when we do it's an epic scene that lasts at least an hour and often takes a whole evening of me dressing up in a corset, serving food and wine and pandering to his every whim or sitting on a floor cushion at his feet (unless I'm on footstool duty of course.) I think that this approach of keeping sex as special, quality time together has prevented our desire for each other and our need for M/s S&M kinkplay from becoming dilute. On the rare occasion that Master demands a 'quickie' I'll still bear the bite marks and bruises for days. We're very intense like that.

I like the sound of that!

 

[FurryFury]

What changes? Please discuss.

Do you get kinkier?
Do you become vanilla?
Does it wax and wane?
Do you discover that you no longer like things you both used to crave?

Inquiring minds want to know. I suspect it's different for different couples or groups.

As you reply, please indicate whether this is online only, a LDR or real time (or combination) situation. I imagine that people who live together and deal with the boring realities of life intruding on their dynamic have different experiences than those who can only see each other occasionally or not at all.

I'll go first.

We've lived together for 3 years.
Real life intrudes with age related aches and pains, job related stress, falling asleep due to exhaustion after a long day at work, the need to provide care for elderly parents, etc.

The kink factor waxes and wanes but it's still there . There are times when romance and vanilla type sex are what we both crave.

The D/s factor has certainly diminished. He'd tell you I've gotten pretty "mouthy" and then I'd give him the finger. Then we'd both start laughing at each other.

We've both discovered that there are activities that no longer turn us on; in fact, I might drag out the old dusty safeword if he even attempted objectification these days. But you never know, one day it might "do it" for both of us again. We're thinking that our sexuality is evolving over time.

So, what's your experience?

Real Life:

We've been together for 18 years, married for 16. In fact, I recently was upset to realize that for the second year in a row, I forgot our anni.

This year has been waning. We've had no couple trips and few dates. Our kink sessions are few and far between. I'm partly to blame as I don't have the energy or creativity to "direct" things and I don't want to do that anyway. I've been trying to work myself back up to it.

He says he is happy. I'm glad.

Given the fact we have so little couple time I'm also sad.

I believe we've always been kinky but we've never been D/s except in my own mind. When we first started having sex, it was fairly vanilla.

I was pregnant and coming off of a very bad non consent relationship. I had a lot of baggage. I was sexually shut down in many areas. At the same time, I was feeling neglected and insecure so we had a LOT of sex.

My preference has always been three or more times a day. Sadly since our first child was born, we've not had the time or energy to make that happen except on vacations and not always then.

Sex and kink do wax and wane from time to time. Unfortunately, our waxing and waning doesn't always match up. If we only had more time and were less tired!

I still crave pretty much what I always have. I've let go of a few things as I explored and found them either unrealistic or not compatible with a continuing relationship.

Recently his work schedule has been undergoing changes and been unpredictable. The first week of that he was happier, less tired and we played more. Yay!!!

This week, he was exhausted, there was waning.

Who the heck knows how next week will go. It's constantly evolving. I know we will cope but it has me worried and frustrated on all kinds of levels.

I've come to realize I hate these changes. I liked being on a different schedule from the rest of the world. I don't like that changing at ALL. I feel limited.

If he is happier and less tired overall, that could help us a great deal though.

Online:

I still crave it. It was my hope and my sunshine at times. It was also terribly depressing at time. I've come to realize I have far too little to offer an online Dom.

They might be okay with it but I'm not. It eats me up far more than not having a Dom does. It makes me hate me. So I've cut that out completely. I did enjoy it so very much and crave it at one time. Okay, I still crave it. It's just not healthy for me mentally.

 

[Bandit58]

What changes? Please discuss.

Do you get kinkier?
Do you become vanilla?
Does it wax and wane?
Do you discover that you no longer like things you both used to crave?

Inquiring minds want to know. I suspect it's different for different couples or groups.

As you reply, please indicate whether this is online only, a LDR or real time (or combination) situation. I imagine that people who live together and deal with the boring realities of life intruding on their dynamic have different experiences than those who can only see each other occasionally or not at all.

We are married, real time for 4 1/2 years. Sir's health has an impact on how often we play. I get stressed about Him therefore my sex drive has dropped a bit, plus I think menopause is starting to have an effect as well

However what has NOT changed is the love and intimacy. We cuddle, kiss, hug - a lot. His sex drive is higher than mine, so I give quite a few blowjobs It's easier for Him, He can lie there and let me do all the work I love that, it brings out my submissiveness big time.

 

[graceanne]

Married 10 years. D/s for about . . . two? Currently not very D/s while we work out our marriage problems. But while it was fully D/s the kinky sex came and went. Frankly good kinky sex takes energy - and that's a precious commodity. As for the D/s, that's kinda always there, more because I don't choose to make a fuss about stupid shit, and so he gets his way most of the time.

Anger issues? What anger issues?

 

[intothewoods]

What changes? Please discuss.

Do you get kinkier?
Do you become vanilla?
Does it wax and wane?
Do you discover that you no longer like things you both used to crave?

We don't live together, but we're not LDR or online. We've been dating for 8 months or so.

Kinkier? Hmmmm. Not really. Not less kinkier or vanilla either, except that we've had some really busy weeks and have just been too exhausted for anything that takes all that long. Waxing and waning is probably a good way to describe it. I don't feel like the kink level changes, just our energy and time to devote to a proper s&m/sex/bondage/etc. session.

If we get married, move in together, have more kids (I already have one), then I suspect there will be plenty of waxing and waning. I can't imagine being pregnant, or having a newborn and always having the interest in spending two hours getting whacked around. Then again, I was a sex crazed chiquita when I was PG, so who knows.

So far, we still crave everything we did initially. Of course, it hasn't been that long.

In changing from a former online thing to real life, I stopped craving all sorts of things that were better left to fantasy.