so whadda ya think?

[ButterflyLane]

This is the intro to my newest- its basically just an explanation of the story to come. Is it worth pursuing, or should I scrap it and try something different? Any and all comments appreciated!

The Wages of Cyn: An Introduction

 

[Ravishing]

I promise I will read it, as soon as my headache goes away. I'll make certain I do.

~ Headachy Ravishing ~

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Reading a story about someone planning to write a book is not what I would call the most satisfying literary experience in the world.

Why don't you write the first chapter and then we can judge how good it is?

---dr.M.

 

[MaxSebastian]

Well, I took a look at it. It's pretty bizarre writing a introduction about what's going to be in the rest of the book. Could almost be an interesting idea - like an overture touching on themes to be explored in the main part of an opera. But I think it's just a little too odd to be effective. It freaks out the reader too much.

In a way, it's good that you've attempted a more interesting way of a hooker telling her life story by having her overtly writing it for us as a "how to" book. Could have been like Sex in the City with the heroine narrating her story, or like Interview with a Vampire where the vampire's story comes out as an interview with a journalist. An interesting slant on the usual first person piece.

But this intro has its flaws, I think, which knocks that potentially interesting idea. Firstly: you've put the story in the "non-erotic" category. Is this where the book's going to continue? Is it going to be a "how to" book or a story?

You've put a basic introduction to the main character, but I think it's too weak for us to connect with the character. I felt that I wasn't necessarily bothered to know any more about her. Your approach of her telling us her backstory by being a bit loopy and talking to herself was terribly unrealistic. Sure, people talk to themselves, but people don't sigh and lie back in their chair and talk over their life story up to this point. It was too obvious that you were a writer wanting to introduce a character, but you had no idea how to do it. You wanted some dialogue to perk it up - of course you did - but perhaps were frightened to introduce a new character.

You should have.

Introducing a character so that we care about her is easiest if you present her in dialogue with some other character. Needn't be a character that is particularly important - therapist, doctor, parent, best friend, pimp (!) - anyone. In Interview with a Vampire, the hero is telling the interviewer, for example.

The best way to cope with backstory is to blend it in with the ongoing story. Every now and then, offer us a glimpse at some aspect of the past to help colour the framework of the character. Don't dump it all on us. Particularly like this with the character who talks to herself: it's corny.

Then the trouble with giving us an outline of what's going to happen through the rest of the book is: it kills suspense. We know what's round the corner. So as well as giving me a character I didn't really care about in this story, here you've just killed the plot! Two of the most important components of the story! Two birds with one stone, you might say.

Having said all that, though, there are interesting possibilities in having a book in which the heroine is writing a "how to" guide, though, I think, and mixing her non-fiction-style tips with an interesting fictional story.

Max

 

[HawaiiBill]

Surprised to see this

My agreement is near total with the folks above. It seems strange to post the menu before the chef begins her work.

For me, at the minimum, I would require the menu be carefully drawn. This one is full of problems including awkward usage, from "intent perusal" -- do you mean intense? -- to more serious problems as put so curiously:
"As she ran the steaming hot water and dumped in a generous amount of sweet-pea scented bath gel into the claw-footed tub, she thought of the many sexual escapades she had had over her life. “Where to start?” she wondered aloud, then giggled merrily at herself. This whole talking out loud thing was becoming a bad habit awfully fast." Well, she got that right.

The run-on paragraphs throughout the short piece desperately yearn for some breaks.

My primary point would be that this has the appearance of not being re-read before posting.

 

[ButterflyLane]

Thank you all for reading and answering .

Well, I have to admit I wasn't sure whether to post the chapter titles... should've gone with my instincts there....

I guess I didn't realize it was so odd for people to talk to themselves- I have conversations with myself (out loud, no less) on a regular basis- need to watch that when writing.

No, it isn't all going to be non-erotic, just this chapter- each chapter will probably wind up in a different category of lit.

So- is it worth continuing?
And would it be totally insane to post chapters out of order? (Six is almost finished, but the others aren't ready yet.)

 

[noone269]

While it's odd to begin a story this way, it does sound interesting.