So Kitty And I Are Tying Up Her New Boyfriend Tomorrow...

[BiBunny]

No, seriously, we are. Please don't draw and quarter me for posting a typical "How Do I Do This?" thread, either! J. is a 100% newbie to all things kinky, but has expressed an interest in being Topped by the two of us. We've talked about it and have agreed to go slowly with him, but I'm a little freaked out because I've never played with a newbie before! The three of us have discussed it at length, so I don't think the answer is to communicate.

He has expressed a desire to be bound and blindfolded and to experience some anal play. Other than that, he says he's open to most things, though he hasn't tried any of them. We have a hard limit list for him, too. I guess I just need some suggestions for being a softer, gentler Sadist Bunny. Of course, all safewords will be in place, and we'll be very careful to read his body language and not engage in anything truly hardcore, etc. I'm thinking some light bondage and spanking, maybe some ice play and a bit of anal play. Anybody got any more nice, non-threatening suggestions for light S&M (don't shoot me--I usually play harder with subs, so I'm seriously at a loss here) and subtle domination? I know I sound like a dork, but I'm really going to use this as a learning experience for me. I've just never introduced a newbie before, and the responsibility's weighing pretty heavily on my shoulders at the moment, especially since I'm not terribly experienced on the Top side myself.

 

[LadyAria]

*perk*

Men in ropes.

Take pictures.

please

 

[intothewoods]

I'm pretty inexperienced, so I don't have a lot of advice, but I thought I'd offer that a good warm up does wonders, and sensation play is easier for me than pain. Not sure if that's helpful, but there you go! Have fun.

 

[BiBunny]

Lady Aria, pictures are a must.

ITW, thanks for your input. You're right about warm-ups and sensation play. I KNOW these things, but I guess because I'm nervous about the newbie thing, I'm not thinking about these things.

 

[midwestyankee]

I'd suggest putting him behind a blindfold for at least part of the time. And certainly the occasion calls for some orgasm denial, which may feel like quite a test for someone who's not used to being controlled by his partner.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

No, seriously, we are. Please don't draw and quarter me for posting a typical "How Do I Do This?" thread, either! J. is a 100% newbie to all things kinky, but has expressed an interest in being Topped by the two of us. We've talked about it and have agreed to go slowly with him, but I'm a little freaked out because I've never played with a newbie before! The three of us have discussed it at length, so I don't think the answer is to communicate.

I always did think you were smart - and you've just proven it... again. Since the three of you have already followed "the first rule," now it's time for you and Kitty to think back to *your* newbie experiences - what worked and what didn't for you, the things that made you shudder and wonder why you ever got into this, and the things that made you shudder and *know* why you got into this! Going slowly is always a good idea with a new scene partner, not just a newbie, so you're definitely on the right track.

He has expressed a desire to be bound and blindfolded and to experience some anal play. Other than that, he says he's open to most things, though he hasn't tried any of them. We have a hard limit list for him, too. I guess I just need some suggestions for being a softer, gentler Sadist Bunny. Of course, all safewords will be in place, and we'll be very careful to read his body language and not engage in anything truly hardcore, etc.

The biggest suggestion I'd make here is not to try to introduce too many things in one session. For someone who's never scened before, sensory overload is always a risk if there are too many activities, too close together, or for too long.

I'm thinking some light bondage and spanking, maybe some ice play and a bit of anal play. Anybody got any more nice, non-threatening suggestions for light S&M (don't shoot me--I usually play harder with subs, so I'm seriously at a loss here) and subtle domination? I know I sound like a dork, but I'm really going to use this as a learning experience for me. I've just never introduced a newbie before, and the responsibility's weighing pretty heavily on my shoulders at the moment, especially since I'm not terribly experienced on the Top side myself.

The first three ideas you mention above (bondage, spanking, ice) are/can be light, "non-threatening" activities; for a male, first-time anal play can be a very scary thing - not that it necessarily will be for him, but the possibility is there. I would suggest "building up" to the anal play, perhaps with the bondage and spanking, then the anal play, then the ice play as a (literal) cool-down activity.

As far as subtle domination, there are a myriad of ways you can show your dominance (and he his submission), e.g., his keeping his eyes downward except when directly responding to you or Kitty; addressing you as "Mistress" or "Ma'am," or whatever you deem appropriate; telling him what you're going to do next (and this can help with his inexperience as well), and then requiring him to ask you nicely to do that (i.e., "Please, Ma'am, will you spank my bottom some more, and harder and faster?"). Much of this will depend on the atmosphere you (and Kitty) have already established with him, as it's hard, especially for newbies, to go back and forth between an "equals" relationship to a PE format.

In all, the best advice I can give you you've already given yourselves, in the second quoted portion above: "all safewords will be in place, and we'll be very careful to read his body language and not engage in anything truly hardcore."

 

[LadyAria]

Lady Aria, pictures are a must.

Delicious.

Um, I throw in some light suggests.

Nothing prettier then a bound penis. Tie that hard-on up and lick it. (One of my favorites)

Smother him a little with your breast. Smack him with them too.

Tie back his head so he is looking at the ceiling and can see you moving in his peripheral. Don't talk to him. It's a nice mind trick to get them wondering.

Shave him. It plays on the castration fear while feeling really nice.

Everything I think of isn't very light. Figging is fun. No CBT, right?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I guess because I'm nervous about the newbie thing, I'm not thinking about these things.

In addition to my last post, this response to yours that came in after I began...

Think about them now. In essence, write a "script" for the entire scene, planning what you'll do for warm-up, how you'll build up to the peak of the scene, and how you'll cool him (and yourselves) down. Then don't be afraid to modify the script, or even trash it, if things go vastly better (or worse) than you predicted. It's always a good idea to have an idea where you're going before you start - you might even want to discuss it with him beforehand so he can 1) begin thinking about what's going to happen - anticipation is half the fun! and 2) provide some input. For example, he might think he'd prefer bondage + ice play as the initial activities, then the anal, then a spanking moderating downward in force as the cool-down. If he knows generally what to expect before it even begins, it will be much easier for him to adjust to what's happening to him. On your side, if you have a plan, it's easier to remember what you want to do, and how, and in what order.

ETA: Don't try to do too much mindfucking on the first few scenes. Most newbies adjust much better to the physical aspects of BDSM than to the mindfucks.

 

[graceanne]

I'd keep it simple and stereotypical. Especially until you know how he's going to respond. If he likes it you can get fancier and all that later. You know, blindfold, gag, spread eagle. Some teasing. Maybe spank him, etc. Then afterward, talk to him about it, and see how he liked it. You can do kinkier and more painful things later, if he really enjoyed it.

 

[Netzach]

Face sitting.

You know the teasing kind, not the call 911 airway kind. I don't think you can go wrong with panties hovering over his face. Prior to blindfold.

I like to find out at this kind of time what kind of verbal teasing is hot and where the lines are, you can almost always see it in facial language - if the brow kind of knits, you know to back off or switch up topics. A sufficiently horny boy won't care if you mention sucking dildoes and he doesn't want to do it, if you move on to something he wants to do quickly enough.

And "guess what this is" is always a good game as you drag various items over him that he can't see.

Since there are two of you, and he wants anal, what about making him self-stimulate for an audience? One of my favorite games. You can find out more about how much he likes/can take this way.

 

[graceanne]

Face sitting.

You know the teasing kind, not the call 911 airway kind. I don't think you can go wrong with panties hovering over his face. Prior to blindfold.

LOL True enough.

 

[NemoAlia]

ETA: Don't try to do too much mindfucking on the first few scenes. Most newbies adjust much better to the physical aspects of BDSM than to the mindfucks.

Haha -- I was just going to recommend that their guy might enjoy dirty talk beyond the actual physical experience. But that could just be me remembering my own early days. I had some pretty extreme fantasies back then...

(Chaste now, of course!)

 

[BiBunny]

Face sitting.

You know the teasing kind, not the call 911 airway kind. I don't think you can go wrong with panties hovering over his face. Prior to blindfold.

I like to find out at this kind of time what kind of verbal teasing is hot and where the lines are, you can almost always see it in facial language - if the brow kind of knits, you know to back off or switch up topics.

And "guess what this is" is always a good game as you drag various items over him that he can't see.

Since there are two of you, and he wants anal, what about making him self-stimulate for an audience? One of my favorite games. You can find out more about how much he likes/can take this way.

I was so hoping you'd weigh in. I love the way your mind works! I like the self-stimulate for an audience idea. That one's probably going to be incorporated.

Thanks to everyone for the ideas. Keep 'em comin'! Like I said, I KNOW these things, but, like Lady Aria said, I have a hard time thinking of things that wouldn't be scary or intimidating to a newbie.

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

I don't think I'd suggest shaving him the first time. Guys are a tad protective of certain things & that takes a ton of trust - which takes time to build. Light fingernails instead maybe? (I'm new to all this, so I thought my perspective might be a little closer to his than some.) Being blindfolded can be a tad nerve-wracking. Even if you don't say anything, staying close to him could be soothing and help build trust for later on. Make him feel safe & cared for, even if he has no control because he's given it up (beyond safewords obviously). IMO, you're both building a connection with him at this point in addition to giving him a taste of a new way of playing. Make sense?

 

[Netzach]

Haha -- I was just going to recommend that their guy might enjoy dirty talk beyond the actual physical experience. But that could just be me remembering my own early days. And I had some pretty extreme fantasies back then...

Yes.

I've made speed-dating rate negotiations my career for a while. If you talk around something that might be outside the edge of what the player wants this will intensify the actual experience. If you talk about the giant dick you used on your GF the week before while making him play with the tiny toy, generally -- not always but GENERALLY you will get good reactions, or at least useful information.

 

[NemoAlia]

Since there are two of you, and he wants anal, what about making him self-stimulate for an audience? One of my favorite games. You can find out more about how much he likes/can take this way.

Oh yes! Definitely. When I was the girl who could never have orgasms, and barely got wet, this was the one way to make sure that I was enjoying myself. No one knows what you like better than your own hand, I say.

And once he's all turned on, he'll be able to deal with the other stuff better.

 

[Netzach]

I don't think I'd suggest shaving him the first time. Guys are a tad protective of certain things & that takes a ton of trust - which takes time to build. Light fingernails instead maybe? (I'm new to all this, so I thought my perspective might be a little closer to his than some.) Being blindfolded can be a tad nerve-wracking. Even if you don't say anything, staying close to him could be soothing and help build trust for later on. Make him feel safe & cared for, even if he has no control because he's given it up (beyond safewords obviously). IMO, you're both building a connection with him at this point in addition to giving him a taste of a new way of playing. Make sense?

This totally makes sense, from a logical standpoint.

There are also guys who have spent so much time horned up about being dominated that they really hope the first time is going to be kind of scary. See if you can suss out whether you have a tender little blossom here or a budding adrenaline junkie. You want to hit some expectations either way.

 

[Netzach]

Oh yes! Definitely. When I was the girl who could never have orgasms, and barely got wet, this was the one way to make sure that I was enjoying myself. No one knows what you like better than your own hand, I say.

And once he's all turned on, he'll be able to deal with the other stuff better.

Hell yeah.

I still think tandem masturbation is one of the neatest forms of sex in the universe, frankly.

 

[NemoAlia]

I still think tandem masturbation is one of the neatest forms of sex in the universe, frankly.

Heh, isn't that kind of what you and I are doing right now?

/mutual admiration society

 

[Netzach]

Heh, isn't that kind of what you and I are doing right now?

/mutual admiration society

[blush] One might say. [/blush]

 

[Velvet Bubbles]

This totally makes sense, from a logical standpoint. .. they really hope the first time is going to be kind of scary. ..

<falls off her chair laughing> You have NO idea how many times I've been told that I'm a little too logical & think too much. I think you make an interesting point. One I wouldn't have thought of as I just don't have the experience yet to go too far beyond what I can imagine. Thanks. I like pushing my bounderies.

 

[Netzach]

<falls off her chair laughing> You have NO idea how many times I've been told that I'm a little too logical & think too much. I think you make an interesting point. One I wouldn't have thought of as I just don't have the experience yet to go too far beyond what I can imagine. Thanks. I like pushing my bounderies.

Hee hee, no it's good thinking. It's totally responsible, newbie domming, appropriate and super considerate. It's how I'd want to be treated, and how I was treated when I first got into the scene.

But I've played with buckets of men since. And some of them really are delicate and new, and fragile and freaked out, and they must be handled with care. And some of them are going to be totally disillusioned if they don't feel 1. scared a little 2. genuinely OUT of control etc.

It always pays to err on the side of "not quite enough" I agree. But I think it's important to make sure that those first experiences are appropriate for the person involved. You will know when you have a fear freak, they tend to announce themselves.

A "green" safeword is as useful as a "red" safeword in these cases, I find.

 

[neonflux]

Hi BiBunny, light topping is becoming a topic dear to my heart as I am now certain that ~D will never enjoy pain, but is enjoying the power play. You've already gotten some great suggestions. I agree with the idea of not introducing too much at once.

In terms of setting the scene, in addition to Sir Winston's suggestion, what about a little play collaring ceremony?

Regarding bondage, have you considered a harness? I like the idea for the control and versatility it will give you. You can use relatively few toys/sensations but then "up the ante" not only with the intensity, for instance, of the "spank," but the relative vulnerability of the position he's in when it's administered.

I like Netz's suggestion of panties over the face before the blindfold. But why not after, as well. Or perhaps a vulva over his face sans panties, close enough for him to smell (with a blindfold that sense will be heightened), but not to touch with his tongue, or any other part of his face? (This drives ~D wild.)

Mild CBT idea following up on LadyAria's post - it will ONLY work if he is reasonably long when soft (in other words, not a "grower") and will work better if he's a "dangler" (so his balls can serve as an anchor)... Bind his cock with a soft, flat shoelace when it's semi-soft, sort of like a little chastity device but not quite as severe as a real one - plus, it could be fun to lead him around this way.

If you're playing with ice, you might try spelling things out on his body (for instance sensations that you have noticed he likes), and giving them to him when he guesses correctly (and if it seems appropriate, a light swat & playful reprimand when he's wrong. If he's trying hard to please, the tension created can be enormous, and you can be forthcoming with praise when he gets it right. (I've also used those chocolate and strawberry icing pens that you can buy at Good Vibrations for this.) I know that there's a little bit of "mind fuck" to this, but it's relatively mild and based on the physical and praise rather than humiliation.

Regarding anal, has this been a longtime fantasy of his? If so, a thinner dildo to start? Particularly if you are wearing a harnass and can tease him between the legs with it first.

Have fun!

(And yes, pictures, if comfortable.)

Neon

 

[Penalt]

Delicious.

Um, I throw in some light suggests.

Nothing prettier then a bound penis. Tie that hard-on up and lick it. (One of my favorites)

To quote Mamid:
"Ribbons make Ridges....rowwwrr"

 

[Life_Noir]

No, seriously, we are. Please don't draw and quarter me for posting a typical "How Do I Do This?" thread, either! J. is a 100% newbie to all things kinky, but has expressed an interest in being Topped by the two of us. We've talked about it and have agreed to go slowly with him, but I'm a little freaked out because I've never played with a newbie before! The three of us have discussed it at length, so I don't think the answer is to communicate.

He has expressed a desire to be bound and blindfolded and to experience some anal play. Other than that, he says he's open to most things, though he hasn't tried any of them. We have a hard limit list for him, too. I guess I just need some suggestions for being a softer, gentler Sadist Bunny. Of course, all safewords will be in place, and we'll be very careful to read his body language and not engage in anything truly hardcore, etc. I'm thinking some light bondage and spanking, maybe some ice play and a bit of anal play. Anybody got any more nice, non-threatening suggestions for light S&M (don't shoot me--I usually play harder with subs, so I'm seriously at a loss here) and subtle domination? I know I sound like a dork, but I'm really going to use this as a learning experience for me. I've just never introduced a newbie before, and the responsibility's weighing pretty heavily on my shoulders at the moment, especially since I'm not terribly experienced on the Top side myself.

*shrug*

Dunno...Beat him with a fuzzy slipper????????