So here's the deal

[cellis]

As I have mentioned at other times, we have been looking for another sub to join us at times. We were looking for a play partner and someone I could practise my Domme thing on...

We have been very up front about this. Both of the ads we have on alt.com and bondage.com clearly state what we are looking for.

We had been talking with a sub who was very active in the community here and made arrangements to meet her at a monthly munch last night. It was our first time to attend any event in the community.

She did not show up... she stood us up. I might add that she had emailed us both the day before to confirm the meeting.

As it turns out it was okay. We were shown to a non-smoking table with some of the older members of the community, who talked to us and made us feel very comfortable. They took the time to fill us in on the community and invited us to several other functions, including a play club after the meeting.

When we entered the club I looked over at the table that was set aside for the group and there she stood, the sub that stood us up. I brought this to Himself's attention. I was not going to approach her or say anything to her. One of the people that invited us tp the club went and got her, he knew that we were supposed to meet her at the munch, and brought her over to us.

She launched into a long story about why she was late. I told her explainations were not necessary. I was totally put off by the whole experience and her at this point. It was somewhat amusing to see her reaction because it was clear that she was not expecting us to be there and did not know what to do or how to handle the situation.

I guess I better get to the point here....

While we had been honest about what we wanted and were looking for, it occurred that not all people operate on the same premise. I guess that I had expectations that if someone was not interested or changed their minds they would simply tell us. We would have done so. And I guess that maybe I had higher expectations about honesty from people who know what trust is all about.

How could I in any way have a relationship with someone who from the beginning lied to me.... and I am talking a relationship on any level.

On the other hand, we both had a great time, met some really nice people, and I think we both learned a thing or two...

 

[Kirabeth]

I am sorry to hear that she broke your trust and let you down, but am glad to hear that you had a good time over all and from the sounds of it you met some very wonderful people.

 

[cymbidia]

There are others in our small community who have very recently been stood up, cellis, as were you and Himself.

No, not everyone in the lifestyle is honest.
Not everyone will be truthful.


I believe, though, to the core of my soul that any single group of BDSM'ers collected in any manner could be found to be more honest and more in touch with who/what they are then would be a similar group of nills collected in nearly the same manner.

We have to be more honest and forthright then nilla folks. We can't afford to do too much lying because that's the kind of thing that can get us hurt, physically and emotionally.

I'm sorry for your disappointment and anger, cellis. I think you handled it really well, though, and you probably impressed the hell out of the other people at your table, those who knew the story.

BTW, that's the kind of thing that gets talked about over and over in a BDSM community. You likely made a really good impression with the way you handled the situation.

 

[Never]

cymbidia:
"I believe, though, to the core of my soul that any single group of BDSM'ers collected in any manner could be found to be more honest and more in touch with who/what they are then would be a similar group of nills collected in nearly the same manner.

We have to be more honest and forthright then nilla folks. We can't afford to do too much lying because that's the kind of thing that can get us hurt, physically and emotionally."

Pardon me while I disagree. The last time I checked people who lie will lie whether they're blacks or BDSMers or Catholics or jews or nillas or Republicans. Liars aren't going to start telling the truth because they were tied up the night before, though I think being part of BDSM would make an honest person avoid the truth on occasion.

 

[morninggirl5]

While we had been honest about what we wanted and were looking for, it occurred that not all people operate on the same premise. I guess that I had expectations that if someone was not interested or changed their minds they would simply tell us. We would have done so. And I guess that maybe I had higher expectations about honesty from people who know what trust is all about.

How could I in any way have a relationship with someone who from the beginning lied to me.... and I am talking a relationship on any level.

Cellis, you said it wonderfully. I'm the other stood up member cym mentioned. I had a dinner date with a potential Dom this evening. We had arranged to meet at a mall at 6pm this evening.

I was pretty calm and collected, i wasn't stressing out too badly. I was ready for this step......... and he didn't show up. After waiting 45 minutes, i called his cell phone and when he didn't answer i left a message that i was there at the appointed time but was now leaving. I came home and double checked everything, i was at the right place, at the right time, looking for the right person, and the right vehicle.


It's been six hours and there's been no phone call, no e-mail, no message. Unless i receive verifiable information about a dire emergency, i won't be speaking with him again.

 

[SierraMoon]

i'm so sorry to hear about the problems you are having... it's got to be so frustrating, to get yourself psyched up for something, then have it fall through... especially something new that you are going to try.
i hope things start to look up for all of you, soon!!

 

[Shadowsdream]

cellis

you and your Master handled this potential disaster with class..congratulations to you both

 

[seXieleXie]

mg, cym said others don't go hogging all the glory.

erm... wait this isn't really glory... hmmm

well, whatever it is, don't hog it !



i was stood up once also. it sucked big time and i was quite embarassed/dissapointed/annoyed/etc. it just goes to show that there are jerks in every corner of humanity.

 

[CarolineOh]

cellis

you and your Master handled this potential disaster with class..congratulations to you both

You are so right, and I am not surprised a bit, cellis has always seemed like a class act to me!

 

[WillowPuss]

So sorry mg5 that you were let down ... lets hope he does have a good explanation for you. If not, as you so rightly say, he's history.


cellis, I am glad you evening wasn't totally wasted. I have a feeling that that particular sub will have lost a lot of standing in the community. I wish you luck with your continued search.

 

[morninggirl5]

mg, cym said others don't go hogging all the glory.

erm... wait this isn't really glory... hmmm

well, whatever it is, don't hog it !



i was stood up once also. it sucked big time and i was quite embarassed/dissapointed/annoyed/etc. it just goes to show that there are jerks in every corner of humanity.

oh damn, lexie, i'm so sorry, you can have all of it, take it please, please


Why won't the jerks stay in the corners of humanity and leave the rest of us to mingle in the center of things?

 

[cellis]

Thank you for your support. It was a very informative and fun evening in the end.

Mg and Lexie, I am sorry for you both.

I think I am luckier in that I had very little invested in this sub. Just a meeting... nothing more.

In the end... we did spend time talking to her, getting to know her and realized that she was not the one for us....

I think I was really taken aback by the dishonesty more than anything.

 

[SierraMoon]

i guess it is good, in a way, cellis, that you found out now, before going too much further with her, that she is not what you've been looking for.... but, the way she went about it was all wrong...
but, congrats to you both, for staying there, and meeting new friends... you showed her that you are both honest, mature adults, who aren't going to let one snag alter your quest...

 

[Ebonyfire]

Ahem

Pardon me while I disagree. The last time I checked people who lie will lie whether they're blacks or BDSMers or Catholics or jews or nillas or Republicans. Liars aren't going to start telling the truth because they were tied up the night before, though I think being part of BDSM would make an honest person avoid the truth on occasion.

You forgot whites.. or don't they lie?

Ebony

 

[monster666]

Re: Ahem

Well, she did say Republicans!

You forgot whites.. or don't they lie?

Ebony

 

[mritsme]

to cellis

you by chance in spokane?
we have munches here not sure of anywere else but prob all over just curious.

 

[MzChrista]

If I had a nickel for every time a sub male stood me up id have, well, Id have a shitload of nickels I guess.
I can understand that people are going to chicken out sometimes, but damn, drop a friggin dime for christs sake.
What gets me are the ones who tell you that this is what they wanted all their lives and theyve always dreamed of it, yaddayadda, and then they leave you hanging.

 

[cellis]

Re: to cellis

you by chance in spokane?
we have munches here not sure of anywere else but prob all over just curious.

No Houston...

We have a group that supports a munch once a month that is nothing more than a web site. There is no organization outside of the munch... and both the HPEP and EROS groups attend.

 

[Never]

Re: Ahem

You forgot whites.. or don't they lie?

Ebony

Would you prefer:
Whites
Aryans
Indo-Europeans
Caucasians or
Anglo-Saxons?
I also forgot the Democrats, the Pyrenees, the pygmies, the Albanians, the Rastafarians, the Ovarian, the men, the women, the Hispanics, the Latinos, the Mexicans, the Puerto Ricans, the Athletes, the geeks, the high schoolers, the middle class, the lawyers, the scholars, the Thais, the Seventh Day Advents, the tree lovers, the pink collars, and my personal favorite, the LHPers.
Add nausea.

But you see, whites don't lie, that's why I didn't include them.

 

[MissTaken]

I think the greatest lie on line....

be it Dom

be it non alphabet soup type

be it any race, religion, political leaning, education, profession etc is one word


"SOON"

If I had a nickel for everytime I have been told we will meet SOON, talk on the phone SOON, etc, I would be independently wealthy.

Honestly, I think some go on line thinking that what they are looking for is what they want. Then, when faced with the reality, they bow out as they realize they weren't on solid ground.

Just my two cents.....

 

[MzChrista]

Its a big jump from fantasy to reality and a lot of people cant make it when the time comes. Thats understandable. But shitty manners are not.

 

[DVS]

If I had a nickel for every time a sub male stood me up id have, well, Id have a shitload of nickels I guess.

Me, too (but in my case it is female subs).
There are all kinds of people, in every walk of life, no matter what you are into. Whether you're into BDSM or not. Vanilla, white, black, brown, green or checkered. All have their share.

What ever and where ever, there are rude and inconsiderate people all over. They just weren't taught that the polite thing to do is let someone know, if they aren't going to show up. They would rather take the easy way out. It shows they don't have much class.