so here we go again.

[cryforme1v]

......

 

[wild-thing]

Run, don't walk, run! You're in a cycle that only you can break. You deserve to be happy and respected. That may mean being single for awhile but that may allow you to develop more self-respect and self value. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Good luck!

 

[tocurpussy]

My first impression after reading what you wrote is that he has a narcissistic personality, which is not good. For more info on it you can find it on the web. But most of the time it will only get worse, so the best thing is to at least get away for a cooling down period, but think you should really take a hard look and think about ending this before it does get worse. This is just my outlook of it, so you need to think of whats in your best intrest and go with your gut feeling. Most of the time that is the right choice. Good luck to you and stay safe

 

[welkin]

You already know what to do, you just don't have the courage to do it yet.
Be brave.

 

[ecclectic]

Leave.

Being 'cruel with words' is tantamount to 'verbally abusive.' He may not be leaving sub-dermal hematomas, but he's beating you without question.

 

[Bandit58]

Leave.

Being 'cruel with words' is tantamount to 'verbally abusive.' He may not be leaving sub-dermal hematomas, but he's beating you without question.

This.
I lived it, and survived it, but it's left scars on the inside. He sounds a lot like my ex in his criticising of you.

I've been reassured by everyone in his family that he's not a violent person, he's just cruel with words and that if i loved him, i'd deal with it. Well i'm sorry but i'm sure as fuck not going to "deal with it". I've had enough thrown at me through my life and i'm not going to just "deal". I DEMAND TO BE TREATED LIKE I'M HUMAN! IMO - that demand isnt asking a lot. Since about a month after we moved in together, we flat out stopped having sex. I'm never in the mood anymore, if you got treated like shit all the time - would you want to fuck the person treating u like shit? Not likely.
I know me not having a job is putting a lot of stress on him, and the fact that both of his grandparents have been really sick. One of which recently passed.

You shouldn't have to deal with it. He shouldn't be treating you like that period I hated having sex with my ex too. I used to give in so he wouldn't be pissed at me and use the silent treatment for days.

Tell him, show him what you've written here. And if he still doesn't get it, then leave. You say you love him, but he treats you like shit. I loved my ex once too but he killed it with his constant criticism and putdowns. He obviously doesn't love you if he's treating you this way.

 

[pwr2theblondes]

Seems like you're in a vicious cycle of choosing abusive men as lovers. Leave. There is someone out there who wants to love and respect you.

 

[qrayze]

Verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse and nobody should have to "live with it".

He might not realize that what he is doing is wrong, especially if he grew up in a ultra conservative family.

You need to confront him and let him know that his behaviour is unacceptable and if he doesn't make and keep an appointment to see some kind of behavioural psychologist (secular, not religious) in a week, then you are leaving.

The relationship as you described is very toxic and unhealthy. Unless he takes the steps to change himself for real, his behaviour will never change towards you.

Google: Codependency

Confronting him will be very difficult; I had to do it with my dad. He yelled at me and almost disowned me for it, but he has never verbally abused me since. Some people are just not aware of their abusive behaviours.

ABOVE ALL, TRUST YOUR GUT! If it is telling you to leave, then do it. I believe most if not all humans have a kind of sixth sense for these kinds of things. Trust your instincts and past experiences.

 

[coastal-boy]

Leave and then seek counciling. Don't give me the "I can't afford it shit" because every state in the nation has programs through their DHS that covers this for women without jobs and newly separated from abusive partners. Even the assfucked republican states have this.

 

[SweetErika]

I agree that verbal abuse is still abuse, and you need to trust your intuition and get out of this relationship right away.

Then you need to spend some time on your own and figure out why you're attracted to abusers.

Don't you have a son? If you need any extra motivation, think of him. He will likely grow up treating people the way his mom was treated.

And don't move in with anyone until you know who they really are and have the resources to move out if you're not happy. Since you know you have a pattern of picking bad guys, you really need to make sure the next one will treat you like gold and you have the money to get out if he doesn't. And, again, think of your kid: he doesn't deserve to be uprooted for your relationships or stuck in a bad situation because you didn't think and plan enough before you decided.

 

[cryforme1v]

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[cryforme1v]

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[cryforme1v]

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[SweetErika]

you all have a lot of valid points and i thank you.
i'm not making excuses but for now i'm going to stick with it and hope its just the stress of everything that has been going on. I'll give it another month or 2, and if things dont improve i'll probably be going back to my dreaded parents house or venturing into getting my own place by myself for just me and my son.

You don't deserve to be abused no matter how much stress he's under. You're justifying his behavior, just as I'm sure you did with your abusive ex's behavior for sometime. Look for patterns in your thinking and choices, then don't make the same detrimental decisions again.

Do you want your son in this toxic environment for another month or more? Remember that that's a long time to a kid and their development.

Will you have more job and saving opportunities if you move back home? Do you have the money to get your own place now?

 

[welkin]

you all have a lot of valid points and i thank you.
i'm not making excuses but for now i'm going to stick with it and hope its just the stress of everything that has been going on. I'll give it another month or 2, and if things dont improve i'll probably be going back to my dreaded parents house or venturing into getting my own place by myself for just me and my son.

You are still making excuses for him.
Does stress give one immunity to be a bully and abuse the supposedly "loved" one?

 

[Eilan]

You. Have. A. Child. Therefore, it's not about you. I was that child many years ago, so I'm speaking from experience.

if i come back bitching later, say "i told ya so" K? lol

I won't be returning to this thread, so I'm going to save myself the trouble and say it now: "I told you so."

 

[naif]

you said: " i'm human and deserve to be treated as such? I dont ask for a lot"

These two statements, though they seem to go together don't. People feel good about themselves when they do for others. The way I see it you are too much of a giver, it helps you feel bonded to them but it will nev er make them love you. Let them do for you, assert your self in kindness and love. If it is not returned, move on.

 

[Nasty_Deeds]

I'm going to give a little history so you guys understand the main reasons i'm asking these questions.
for 3 years i was with a guy that treated me like absolute dirt. beat me as often as he could, dragged me down the street with a seat belt around my neck, i couldnt do anything right in his eyes so life was a constant battle to stay alive. I know i should have left sooner but was scared and partially because i had hoped he'd change. in 06 i finally left and have been suffering major depression since.

Me and current SO have been together for about a year, yeah we've had our ups and downs but lately it seems to be more downs.
so me and the boyfriend got our own place about 3 months ago and since then, our life together has gotten a lot more complicating. To the point of me wondering why i'm still with him. In the past month it has gotten worse - i dont know if its because of me not having a job in the area yet, or because his grandpa has been really sick <recently passed. RIP! <3
We got our place and within the first week, i started getting blamed for every thing that went wrong. Our toaster started sparking, i got bitched at and repeatedly told that "you should have done this differently and it wouldnt have happened" Type bullshit. If i dont do something just perfect then i get told repeatedly what i should have done. I'm meaning repeatedly as in - about 20 times in 20 different ways in the span of 5-10 minutes.
Now to me this is a major red flag. I've been reassured by everyone in his family that he's not a violent person, he's just cruel with words and that if i loved him, i'd deal with it. Well i'm sorry but i'm sure as fuck not going to "deal with it". I've had enough thrown at me through my life and i'm not going to just "deal". I DEMAND TO BE TREATED LIKE I'M HUMAN! IMO - that demand isnt asking a lot. Since about a month after we moved in together, we flat out stopped having sex. I'm never in the mood anymore, if you got treated like shit all the time - would you want to fuck the person treating u like shit? Not likely.
I know me not having a job is putting a lot of stress on him, and the fact that both of his grandparents have been really sick. One of which recently passed.

Am i over reacting? Should i just "deal with it"? What do i say to convince him that i'm human and deserve to be treated as such? I dont ask for a lot, i've never asked for flowers, or to go out with the girls, or go out at all. I stay home and do what is expected of me - i cook, i do all of the cleaning, all of the laundry, all of the errands. we actually got into an argument a few weeks ago because i wouldnt get up before he left for work to make his lunch.
Am i over reacting? Should i just follow my gut and walk? He's never hit me so should i give him time to let things settle?
Honestly he has helped me through a lot of my issues, but what good is helping me through issues if ur going to start treating me like i'm a peice of shit. I love him and i dont want to leave him, but i want to be treated even semi-decently.

Have you considered that maybe "you" are the problem? After all, you seem to have a history of hooking-up with losers. What's wrong with "you" that makes only losers willing to put up with your crap? Perhaps you should either get yourself straightened out and find a decent guy, or stop whining about the losers you hang with.

You spent 3 years with a dickwad that drug you down the street with a seat-belt around you neck? What is wrong with you?

 

[toshiskitten]

you all have a lot of valid points and i thank you.
i'm not making excuses but for now i'm going to stick with it and hope its just the stress of everything that has been going on. I'll give it another month or 2, and if things dont improve i'll probably be going back to my dreaded parents house or venturing into getting my own place by myself for just me and my son.

So you're going to put up with him treating you like shit for two more months? This doesn't make any sense to me. Even if he is stressed out he has no right to treat you like this. For your sake and your son's you need to get out now.

 

[ecclectic]

i did say i dont have a job in the area, but i guess i should have been more specific. I did have a job, but i got laid off literally a week after we got a place. So our combined income we would have been barely able to pay rent, now that its just him working he's working a lot of double shifts to cover.

I can't find the article at the moment, but there was a recent study that emotional suppression causes more aggression than sleep deprivation.
I'm going to wager that if he's verbally abusive to you, at some point, if he hasn't already he's going to get physical with your child. He knows he wouldn't get away with hitting you, but he can intimidate the child. (If you tell your mom, i'll put you both out on the street sort of thing.)

Get out, and don't look back. See if you can get into a womens shelter short term.