So I have something to make me laugh tomorrow while I recover from my hangover, I want to hear your funniest porn shop stories! I'll start us off - here's mine.
Sitting on my windowsill in college was a cute little plastic soda/beer can topper shaped like a cock & balls (they also come in nipple shape.) It was a failed prank gift to a roommate who refused to lay a finger near it, so it turned into a dust collecting nicknack in my room. I forgot all about the thing - until my mom and gramma came to visit, and did they notice!
I got yelled for, first and middle names! My mother wanted to know what the hell it was, and where it came from. I explained, prank gift from the porn store near the naval base. At that, my little old 80 year old grandmother exclaimed, "Oh, I've never been to a porn store before - just think, this might be my only chance! We should all go!" And she wasn't kidding - she really intended to see the inside of one before she dies! Away we went, gramma, mom, me, and my poor mortified boyfriend.
The nice mustached mulleted man was sitting high at his counter, at the little hallway between the stanky front room o' comics & used paperbacks, and the back... My little tiny gramma, about as tall as his counter, was feeling cute, so she said to him, "Would you like to see my id, young man?"
"No, ma'm, that will be alright." My mother walks up to him, and my gramma said, "She's my daughter, I'll vouch for her."
"Alright, thank you," and as I went up to the counter, my mom chimed in, "She's my daughter, I'll vouch for her," and my boyfriend skulked along about 10 feet behind us, trying to look independent.
We all turned to make our way down the narrow hallway to the back. My grandmother, (nearsighted as she is) lead the way, and nearly ran into a little old man on his way out. They stopped, sized each other up for a moment, said there excuse me's, and stepped past each other.
As we got into the back, my gramma announced in her loudest whisper ever, "I think that man was checking me out!"
So, there we all were. My mom went into gales of laughter at everything, while I tried not to look to hard at anything. Gramma quietly browsed around, peering at everything. Not entirely speechless - she eventually managed - "Well... all I can say is, there are certainly a lot of things your grandfather never told me about!"
We scared off every other customer in the place within three minutes of walking in. My gramma's request to know what a "French tickler" is for might have had something to do with that.
The two of them rummaged through the clearance bin, and settled on buying a wind up clown doll, about 8" tall. Wind up the key in his back, and he staggers across the table, his arms out stiffly, hands jacking up and down at an amazing pace! My mother claimed it for a friend of hers, who says if he ever gets famous, and they make a doll of him, all it will do is jack off all day - not talk, not do work, not have outfits... just whack off.
She wanted to prove his idea had already been taken. Anyway, a memorable time was had by all.
Ok - now I want to hear someone else's tale of woe, pretty please? Happy New Year!
Sitting on my windowsill in college was a cute little plastic soda/beer can topper shaped like a cock & balls (they also come in nipple shape.) It was a failed prank gift to a roommate who refused to lay a finger near it, so it turned into a dust collecting nicknack in my room. I forgot all about the thing - until my mom and gramma came to visit, and did they notice!
I got yelled for, first and middle names! My mother wanted to know what the hell it was, and where it came from. I explained, prank gift from the porn store near the naval base. At that, my little old 80 year old grandmother exclaimed, "Oh, I've never been to a porn store before - just think, this might be my only chance! We should all go!" And she wasn't kidding - she really intended to see the inside of one before she dies! Away we went, gramma, mom, me, and my poor mortified boyfriend.
The nice mustached mulleted man was sitting high at his counter, at the little hallway between the stanky front room o' comics & used paperbacks, and the back... My little tiny gramma, about as tall as his counter, was feeling cute, so she said to him, "Would you like to see my id, young man?"
"No, ma'm, that will be alright." My mother walks up to him, and my gramma said, "She's my daughter, I'll vouch for her."
"Alright, thank you," and as I went up to the counter, my mom chimed in, "She's my daughter, I'll vouch for her," and my boyfriend skulked along about 10 feet behind us, trying to look independent.
We all turned to make our way down the narrow hallway to the back. My grandmother, (nearsighted as she is) lead the way, and nearly ran into a little old man on his way out. They stopped, sized each other up for a moment, said there excuse me's, and stepped past each other.
As we got into the back, my gramma announced in her loudest whisper ever, "I think that man was checking me out!"
So, there we all were. My mom went into gales of laughter at everything, while I tried not to look to hard at anything. Gramma quietly browsed around, peering at everything. Not entirely speechless - she eventually managed - "Well... all I can say is, there are certainly a lot of things your grandfather never told me about!"
We scared off every other customer in the place within three minutes of walking in. My gramma's request to know what a "French tickler" is for might have had something to do with that.
The two of them rummaged through the clearance bin, and settled on buying a wind up clown doll, about 8" tall. Wind up the key in his back, and he staggers across the table, his arms out stiffly, hands jacking up and down at an amazing pace! My mother claimed it for a friend of hers, who says if he ever gets famous, and they make a doll of him, all it will do is jack off all day - not talk, not do work, not have outfits... just whack off.
She wanted to prove his idea had already been taken. Anyway, a memorable time was had by all.
Ok - now I want to hear someone else's tale of woe, pretty please? Happy New Year!
