Xelebes
Little Blue Alien
- Joined
- Sep 13, 2003
- Posts
- 13,068
He wanted to let us know that someone tried in vain to enact a restraining order on my family. If any of you remember my previous thread "Sometimes, I like to feel like an alien", you may recall the story. If you don't, I will give a quick recap.
My brother is married and his wife is pregnant. They have elected to withdraw from my entirely, but doing so they did it in an unscrupulous manner. That is, they sought to seek an irrational response from my family in order to justify to themselves their action. This caused me to respond, but also lament what I had to do eventually. In their last correspondence with us, they threatened to pursue a restraining order on us.
Other participants in the story are my mother, my other brother and his fiancee. Note that whenever my other brother is being referred to, he will be always known as other brother and not brother.
While we were distraught with their decision, we decided we better collect our things up and live our ways like we normally would. We had our suspicions as to what may be happening, however nothing was ever concrete that we could definitely pinpoint and say what we thought was happening.
That was all I pretty much said in that thread or left to be surmised in that thread.
Why did they actually go ahead and pursue the restraining order? No one knows other than the reasons offered by the wife and the reasons offered by my mother and the police officer who acted as the intermediary between the two party's testimonies. However, judging from what recent actions have been said, one can assume something is not right, that something was awry.
My brother's wife's said that my other older brother's fiancee threatened to call Social Services once their child was born and that she was feeling particularly threatened by this. Threatened so much that it warranted a restraining order on my whole family. There may have been other reasons attached to the complaint, however one can surmise that by the cop's dismissal of the injunction that the reasons were not heard, either on the grounds that they were superfluous, illegible or right-out out there.
My mother's response to the police officer was that my brother and his wife were intentionally withdrawing themselves away from my family. I personally didn't hear the whole answer so I can only leave it at that. Suffice to say, my mother was bewildered as to why my other brother's fiancee called the wife or my brother.
Getting in contact with the fiancee, she explained that my brother got in contact with the fiancee to ask how my other brother was doing. Nothing else was asked, only a short curt conversation.
And that was that.
Here we can only guess that my brother told his wife that he had actually talked to my other brother's fiancee. My brother's wife grew angered and demanded that they pursue a restraining order against the whole family.
To me, this is warning bells. Pretty clear what the warning bells are. I suspect that my brother is in a abusive relationship and he feels he cannot leave unless he loses the child or disgraces himself by divorcing.
Unlike the previous thread, this thread is not about me - or not entirely about me like the previous thread I had made. Rather it is something a bit more broader in scope. Might I even say it, that is thread is about domestic abuse upon men and being a witness to it, unable to effect the change it.
To me, this issue is important, even before hearing about my sister becoming friends with his wife (my brother was introduced to her by my sister.) It is something that I recognised that I was vulnerable to upon learning that I preferred a submissive role in a relationship. Many women get caught in this predicament or abuse and will admit to it, oftentimes only after the relationship is over. For men, it is often worse as pride and honour is at stake, especially if you come from a background of nuclear families and where if there is any man that they know who has divorced is perceived as a deadbeat. Growing up, this has generally been true, however my uncle is the only one known to be divorced. Sadly, he chose to withdraw himself from the family feeling he lost the honour of the family and was disgraced. My father and his siblings try to coax him back to the family re-unions but oftentimes it is a miss and doesn't show up most of the times.
Yet, I will not profess to know the real reasons for him staying in the relationship, I can see the draw to continue such relationships. Pride and honour can colour many truths, whether it be rosy or black. And yet, from my experiences with my brother and his wife, that his wife is not really able to connect to people like others would. We see her actions and they appear to be sociopathic in a sense. Not knowing whether she is right or wrong but always assuming that she's right is something we have noted about her. That she is hostile when not in agreeance or come into any form of conflict with her, using passive-aggressive tactics to inflict her wrath.
However, that is all we can say about her. What we can more positively guess is that she may be holding the reins against the will of my brother with the pride that so envelops him. He wants to see the child and live that happy life that he has esteemed himself into thinking that he had achieved. And while I cannot be certain that it is, in fact, an abusive relationship, I can see it possibly being one, given the circumstances.
And it is my perception that distresses me. I know for one thing that change will only happen once a crisis has been met and the pride that was once there has been abandoned. One never knows what circumstance that may happen, but one can only hope it isn't too serious that it may cause irreparable harm.
To that, I can only hope that things change for the better with my brother. Hope is all I can do, without any medium for communication with him.
My brother is married and his wife is pregnant. They have elected to withdraw from my entirely, but doing so they did it in an unscrupulous manner. That is, they sought to seek an irrational response from my family in order to justify to themselves their action. This caused me to respond, but also lament what I had to do eventually. In their last correspondence with us, they threatened to pursue a restraining order on us.
Other participants in the story are my mother, my other brother and his fiancee. Note that whenever my other brother is being referred to, he will be always known as other brother and not brother.
While we were distraught with their decision, we decided we better collect our things up and live our ways like we normally would. We had our suspicions as to what may be happening, however nothing was ever concrete that we could definitely pinpoint and say what we thought was happening.
That was all I pretty much said in that thread or left to be surmised in that thread.
Why did they actually go ahead and pursue the restraining order? No one knows other than the reasons offered by the wife and the reasons offered by my mother and the police officer who acted as the intermediary between the two party's testimonies. However, judging from what recent actions have been said, one can assume something is not right, that something was awry.
My brother's wife's said that my other older brother's fiancee threatened to call Social Services once their child was born and that she was feeling particularly threatened by this. Threatened so much that it warranted a restraining order on my whole family. There may have been other reasons attached to the complaint, however one can surmise that by the cop's dismissal of the injunction that the reasons were not heard, either on the grounds that they were superfluous, illegible or right-out out there.
My mother's response to the police officer was that my brother and his wife were intentionally withdrawing themselves away from my family. I personally didn't hear the whole answer so I can only leave it at that. Suffice to say, my mother was bewildered as to why my other brother's fiancee called the wife or my brother.
Getting in contact with the fiancee, she explained that my brother got in contact with the fiancee to ask how my other brother was doing. Nothing else was asked, only a short curt conversation.
And that was that.
Here we can only guess that my brother told his wife that he had actually talked to my other brother's fiancee. My brother's wife grew angered and demanded that they pursue a restraining order against the whole family.
To me, this is warning bells. Pretty clear what the warning bells are. I suspect that my brother is in a abusive relationship and he feels he cannot leave unless he loses the child or disgraces himself by divorcing.
Unlike the previous thread, this thread is not about me - or not entirely about me like the previous thread I had made. Rather it is something a bit more broader in scope. Might I even say it, that is thread is about domestic abuse upon men and being a witness to it, unable to effect the change it.
To me, this issue is important, even before hearing about my sister becoming friends with his wife (my brother was introduced to her by my sister.) It is something that I recognised that I was vulnerable to upon learning that I preferred a submissive role in a relationship. Many women get caught in this predicament or abuse and will admit to it, oftentimes only after the relationship is over. For men, it is often worse as pride and honour is at stake, especially if you come from a background of nuclear families and where if there is any man that they know who has divorced is perceived as a deadbeat. Growing up, this has generally been true, however my uncle is the only one known to be divorced. Sadly, he chose to withdraw himself from the family feeling he lost the honour of the family and was disgraced. My father and his siblings try to coax him back to the family re-unions but oftentimes it is a miss and doesn't show up most of the times.
Yet, I will not profess to know the real reasons for him staying in the relationship, I can see the draw to continue such relationships. Pride and honour can colour many truths, whether it be rosy or black. And yet, from my experiences with my brother and his wife, that his wife is not really able to connect to people like others would. We see her actions and they appear to be sociopathic in a sense. Not knowing whether she is right or wrong but always assuming that she's right is something we have noted about her. That she is hostile when not in agreeance or come into any form of conflict with her, using passive-aggressive tactics to inflict her wrath.
However, that is all we can say about her. What we can more positively guess is that she may be holding the reins against the will of my brother with the pride that so envelops him. He wants to see the child and live that happy life that he has esteemed himself into thinking that he had achieved. And while I cannot be certain that it is, in fact, an abusive relationship, I can see it possibly being one, given the circumstances.
And it is my perception that distresses me. I know for one thing that change will only happen once a crisis has been met and the pride that was once there has been abandoned. One never knows what circumstance that may happen, but one can only hope it isn't too serious that it may cause irreparable harm.
To that, I can only hope that things change for the better with my brother. Hope is all I can do, without any medium for communication with him.
