Sister in lawa_ Above the Law

[GliterySugar]

Hi Readers

I desperately need yr comments on my story. How you find this toooo Hot.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=300002

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I assume that English isn’t your first language. There are a lot of odd usages and expressions in there that most English readers will find very strange, in my opinion. The story could really do with an editor’s attention to straighten these out and to correct a lot of spelling and grammar errors.

One thing especially made me sit up and do a double take:

"I hope my pussy is not stinking, whenever I go to the toilet, I wash my pussy with a special liquid because I'm extra careful about my pussy." She explained, as pushed her pussy lips apart with her sexy long nailed fingers.

This passage immediately cooled off any heat that the story might have generated up to that point. The last thing you want to hear before you go down on a woman is for her to tell you that her pussy “is not stinking”.

One of the other things you do that you really should avoid is having two different people speaking in one paragraph. That’s just bewildering to the reader, and it’s just not accepted practice.

As for the story itself, I found it pretty unbelievable how quickly they jumped into bed together without giving it a second thought. I don’t know how things work in your culture, whether sisters-in-law are considered fair game for sex or whether there’s some special nuance to the relationship that would give this kind of sex some special heat. It just seemed to me that she read a story and bang, they were in bed.

The main problem, though, is the awkward and unfamiliar use of language. Still, I wish I had that problem, that I could speak another language well enough to try and write in it.

---dr.M.