I had begun to date a certain man(no one from here,from work) and we had stopped by his house to get something. I had to meet his children.They were not nice to me at all.I did try to say hello.But I really dont like kids anyway.So a few weeks later,he cancels a date because of something to do with one of them.I think he was lying and just wanted out of the date.I need to find someone without children.
single parents
- Thread starter nikkiblue
- Start date
SGTBIGDOG420
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Oct 13, 2000
- Posts
- 463
as a single parent I must stand up and let you know it might have been that his kids didnt like you. they might have detected your reluctance to be with a guy with kids. see this is one of the problems we face as men raising kids, its easy for a woman to find a man to accept someone elses kids but women are very funny about this our only hope is to find somone who understands the situation or who cant have kids and wants them. when I am meeting someone I tell them up front that I have kids and see how they react most of the time they run away which is why I have givin up on dating till my kids are grown. but I will get off my soap box now I just wanted to stand up for all the men out there taking on the job(and it is a tough one)of raising your kids.
While I don't have kids, I have to say I will never date a woman that has any, only cause "MOST" people with kids are out there looking for someone to become an instant mom/dad to their kids, which is sad. Granted there are ones out there that don't want that at all, but even so it makes sense to let you know up front that you have kids, but to say that they didn't talk to her cause they sensed her dislike for kids is assanine. Granted yeah kids can tell alot about situations, but I seriously doubt it in this situation. The only reason that they didn't talk to her or didn't like her was because the father probably handled the situation the wrong way....most likely cause they don't want to replace their mom with someone else.....kids are pretty smart, but they don't do it just cause someone else shows a dislike for kids in general. Being a product of a divorce myself, I'm pretty sure it was cause they didn't want someone else taking the place of their mom.
I couldn't disagree with keiffers more. I would say that what most single parents want is an adult to share adult experiences with. I love getting to go to a restaurant, with a nice woman, where there is no children's menu!!! Have a bottle of wine - share grown-up conversations. We can deal with the single parenting it is the single living that is tough.
Now, that said, if I was to find someone that I an my child could accept as a parent-like influence....great. But it certainly is not what I am looking for!
Just my $0.02.
Craig
Now, that said, if I was to find someone that I an my child could accept as a parent-like influence....great. But it certainly is not what I am looking for!
Just my $0.02.
Craig
southerntierguy
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2005
- Posts
- 4,068
I think this says it very well and clearly. I would guess most single parents really love their kids, and are not looking to change that aspect at all ... they're not looking for help, for support in parenting, etc. What single parents are looking for when they date is the same thing single non-parents are looking for.cepm said:
nikkiblue said:
Am I the only one who picked up on this particular part (the bold portion) of nikki's post ... so they were out, just stopped by to get something ... not like he told them she was coming over, prepared them for it .. doesn't mention how old the kids are or how many women he has just "stopped by" with.
SGTBIGDOG420 said:
As a woman with 3 children, could you please point them out to me ... lol, just joking. I don't think it is any easier but then again I'm not a man. And I'm right there with you on the telling them up front, sometimes it quite funny when they can't run fast enough.
Keiffers, as cepm stated, all I want when dating is to do adult things. How nice to have an adult conversation, go to an R rated movie, and yes be able to eat without looking at the kid menu.
I personally, am not looking for a dad for my kids .. they have one, such as he is
. I look for somebody for me ... yes, the man must care for my children but it starts with me, not them. If and when it gets to the point that I think they are ready to meet each other, you can rest assured that both parties will be well prepared for it. I won't just stop by my house with my latest date with no regard to their feelings.Nikki, I honestly think his kids not being nice to you was not a reflection of you, but a huge reflection on HIM.
sinnamongyrl
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 2,005
You are put out because he cancels a date so he can be with his kids?Are you serious?His children have to come first.You know how kids can be,,maybe they had somthing at school......and they forgot to tell him?,,,,,,,,,,,i dunno,,,,,please try not to be selfish with his time if he has kids..............i am sure its hard enough just to try dating etc,,,,,,
southerntierguy
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2005
- Posts
- 4,068
I certainly wouldn't think he's done anything wrong here.sinnamongyrl said:
OTOH, I don't see anything wrong in a young woman with no children feeling more comfortable dating a man who doesn't have kids. Nothing wrong with that at all.
Last edited:
sinnamongyrl
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 2,005
i dont wanna make an judgement calls on this woman....dont know her ....i just know how I feel about it......my parents got divorced and i encouraged BOTH of them to date again....and they did....my sister and I tried to make it easy on them.....man did my mom rbing home some freaks,,,lol.....my dad was with a woman that HATED me sooooo soooooo much....i think she was jealous,,,,and i never told my dad how bad she treated me cuz i wanted him to be happy......... i am sure its awkard and strange,,,,but try and undertand,,,,,those are his kids OK?
southerntierguy
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2005
- Posts
- 4,068
Not sure if you're talking to me ... I'm all in favor of single parents going out and dating. However, I'm not sure I read in the original post in this thread that this woman was hooked on the guy. I certainly think that having kids in the mix is a good reason for some people to not date others. It's not like single parents have legal rights to date whom they choose -- we all have reasons that we like certain people and not others, and they aren't necessarily "fair" at all. It's not like she's here saying "how can I keep him and dump the kids" or "how can I get the kids to like me" or "I really like him but the kids are interfering." She said she thinks she should see guys without kids, and I have think that's perfectly understandable. She might have said "I don't think I should date men who have pets" or "who don't spend many nights travelling on business." It might make sense in her life to feel that way, even if it isn't relevant to other people.sinnamongyrl said:
sinnamongyrl
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 2,005
noooo..was not at you......i did not want to sound preachy on MY end,,,,,,,not at u,,,,southerntierguy said:
BeachGurl2
Sarcastic Smart Sexyass
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2005
- Posts
- 4,919
My 2 cents . . .
As a single mom of 2 girls - 11 and 18 years old - I just wanted to add my 2 cents. I've been out of my marriage for about 2 1/2 years, and quite frankly, I'm not looking for another one any time soon - my kids have a dad, mean as he is. Like a couple of other people have said, I'm looking for someone to spend some adult time with - dinner, movie, dancing - some time that will help me remember I'm more than just a mom, but also a woman. And yeah, maybe some intimacy, too - being held, kissed, touched. Just because we're parents doesn't mean we're out to get the first guy who comes along. In fact, I'm a lot more selective about who gets to meet my kids than I was the first time around choosing a mate. I have a lot more at stake now, so I can afford to be very picky. Even if it means that I stay alone.
To answer the original question, though, I think that the kids' response to you could be several things. The response above about them not having been prepared to meet you certainly is a valid one. Kids don't like change any more than adults do. Also, kids have great bullshit detectors. They can immediately tell people who are uncomfortable around them or don't like them. I've been teaching at-risk teenagers for a long time, and let me tell you, when a new adult comes into the picture, they know pretty quickly where they stand with that adult, and they react accordingly.
A bit of unsolicited advice, though. If you really don't think you like kids, especially other people's kids, then you should try to date guys without kids. I'm not being at all judgemental - my best friend of 28 years is still single at 39 and plans never have kids and marry. I'd rather have a guy tell me straight out that he didn't want to date me because of my kids than have him take me out a time or two and maybe start to like him before finding out. It's just not fair to the guy or to his kids.
Just my 2 cents worth. Hope I didn't offend anyone . . .
As a single mom of 2 girls - 11 and 18 years old - I just wanted to add my 2 cents. I've been out of my marriage for about 2 1/2 years, and quite frankly, I'm not looking for another one any time soon - my kids have a dad, mean as he is. Like a couple of other people have said, I'm looking for someone to spend some adult time with - dinner, movie, dancing - some time that will help me remember I'm more than just a mom, but also a woman. And yeah, maybe some intimacy, too - being held, kissed, touched. Just because we're parents doesn't mean we're out to get the first guy who comes along. In fact, I'm a lot more selective about who gets to meet my kids than I was the first time around choosing a mate. I have a lot more at stake now, so I can afford to be very picky. Even if it means that I stay alone.
To answer the original question, though, I think that the kids' response to you could be several things. The response above about them not having been prepared to meet you certainly is a valid one. Kids don't like change any more than adults do. Also, kids have great bullshit detectors. They can immediately tell people who are uncomfortable around them or don't like them. I've been teaching at-risk teenagers for a long time, and let me tell you, when a new adult comes into the picture, they know pretty quickly where they stand with that adult, and they react accordingly.
A bit of unsolicited advice, though. If you really don't think you like kids, especially other people's kids, then you should try to date guys without kids. I'm not being at all judgemental - my best friend of 28 years is still single at 39 and plans never have kids and marry. I'd rather have a guy tell me straight out that he didn't want to date me because of my kids than have him take me out a time or two and maybe start to like him before finding out. It's just not fair to the guy or to his kids.
Just my 2 cents worth. Hope I didn't offend anyone . . .
