single parents

[lickerish]

When life gets so tough and you have a distorted image that society thinks:

you're not strong enough
you're not smart enough
you're not pretty/ handsome enough
you're not thin enough
you're not rich enough
you're not poor enough
you're not resourceful enough
you're not fun enough

and

you are too tired
too emotionally weak
too alone (no one to turn to)
too poor

and

it seems like the cards are stacked against you... life's a fucking catch 22...

and

the only thing going for you is the love for and from your kid(s)...

What the hell do you do to fix things? I'm just ranting and raving here, but I'd seriously like to know how you (<-- collectively speaking) got through the tough times..

 

[Svedish_Chef]

Simple, nothing else... my music.

 

[Xander]

Her kind, sweet,soothing words!!!

PLaying guitar until my fingers bleed, and compose one sad song after the other.

And if really bad, add a 12 pack of Bud to the guitar playing stuff.

 

[lickerish]

Thank you Chef & Xander

It just now hit me that all that stuff up above, doesn't apply to just parents.. It applies to everybody..

Comments are welcome from everybody, but please, note if you are a single parent.. it would cheer me up some to know I am not alone.

 

[teresafannin]

lickerish, I was a single mom for the first 5 years & the last 3 years. What kept me going was knowing that my son depended on me. Raising children under the best of circumstances is never easy, being a single parent is the second hardest thing I ever did in my life. Hang in there, if you ever need to talk, feel free to email me.

 

[Royal_Prince]

When all those things happen to me.

I call a friend, go out and grab a gin and tonic and then later that night.

I write

Royal

 

[CheekyGal]

Man, lickerish that list sounds way too familiar. I've been a single mom for four years now. I don't know what advice to offer except a reminder that we don't have it as bad as some other people. I was feeling kind of sorry for myself this week. My son has been sick four times (stomach and/or respiratory) in the last month, the teacher is telling him he can't be absent anymore, two child support payments that haven't arrived, another upcoming courtdate with the ex, etc and so on. Anyway, we are sitting in the pediatrician's office and a mom pushes her son in the office in a wheelchair(MS maybe?). Talk about a wake up call! Here I am worrying if I can afford to pay for my son to play baseball this spring, when that kid probably doesn't have much chance of ever playing.

So, concentrate on the good stuff and if you ever want to talk, just lemme know. {{hugs}}

 

[CreamyLady]

That love. Sometimes it's all there is.

Well, that and a sense of humor. I keep remembering that one line from the Doonesbury cartoon: Bravo for life's little ironies. It's true.

Just when you think you could cheerfully stick your head in the oven, the oven breaks. Okay -- try the car in the garage? The car has to go into the shop.

By the time you are desperate to find a method of self-destruction that works, you are reduced to a bottle of children's Tylenol and some apple juice. Try and concoct something lethal from THAT.

If you can find one thing to laugh at, do it, even if it is yourself. Laugh at society's expectations, laugh at your own. Laugh at the way plans go up in smoke.

Laugh at the silly things kids do, the insanity of school bureaucracy, the unreasonableness of your employer.

Then, once a month, have a piece of chocolate and a good cry.

Hug your kids, love them very much, and persevere. You CAN get through, and if you want to, you can email me and vent.

 

[brazenblaze]

Lickerish

Been there done that. Was a single parent for the first six years of my son's life.

Had those days were I felt like a clique.

But you know what....think of how great and powerful you are...you are molding and raising a human being, without anyone's help or interference...you don't have to share the hugs, the kisses or all the good things. He/she will respect you for your strength and your ability to stand against the odds and survive.

I've told many people it was easier being a single parent than raising my children with my husband. When I was on my own, if I didn't do it, it didn't get done, so I just did everything and didn't give it a second thought.

Understand the bad days though so if you need a shoulder I have two. *smile*

 

[TN_Vixen]

be glad that you

have the child with you. Think of how miserable you'd be without him/her.

 

[Isabella Thorne]

it seems like the cards are stacked against you... life's a fucking catch 22...

but darling ...

the catch 22 is that when you were looking the other way, the dealer dealt you a perfect hand ...

smile ... even if your dealt hand isn't perfect, you will always have the love of your children ...

even if that seems like it is the "only thing going for you" ... cause it is a damn big thing you have going for you there ... <big hugs> ...
_____________________
I see you walking, baby down the street
Pushing that baby carriage at your feet
I see that lonely ribbon in your hair
Tell me am I the man for whom you put it there

You never smile, girl, you never speak
You just walk on by, darlin' week after week
Raising two kids alone in this mixed-up world
Must be a lonely life for a working girl

~Bruce Springsteen~

 

[tighe]

I am learning as I go, but for a twist on things, I am raising my sister's baby now. She and her husband died in car wreck after holidays. People I have known for a long time think I've lost my mind. Others think I should let her be adopted so as "not to ruin my life" by raising her on my own. I can't believe how much I love this child. She is my every thought and I am overwhelmed by the suggestion of ever giving her up. It is hard, but I would never trade it. So, lickerish, I guess just don't give up. ause I can now definitely relate.
~ t ~

 

[Silverlily]

Lickerish, honey, hang in there. Single mom from day one until about three years ago (my oldest is nine) and active duty military for the first three of those years. Not a day went by when someone didn't imply I had no business having children. Why? No reason, my family was just different from theirs.

Did I feel guilty? Yep. Inadequate? You betcha. Like a social pariah? Frequently. Was any of that true? None what so ever. I have two beautiful, well mannered, well adjusted daughters.

You are wonderful and so are your kids, never forget that.

Tighe, my heart goes out to you as well.

 

[crystalhunting]

Well...im a single father,i raised my son on my own..and its never easy,but everytime i saw little Chris smile..I knew i was going to survive.Every single doubt i had went out the window at those moments,cause without me,my son wouldnt have turned out as well as he did.My son has a touch of autism,so it was even harder,and my wife died leaving just me and him.It was a constant struggle..but if you just hang in there you will see such happy times,and you will be soooooooo proud.I know i am.

 

[Rando]

Some of the greatest treasures we have in the world
are the memories of our children. Its tough raising
children in a world with both parental figures, let
alone by yourself. Sometimes it seems that no matter
what you do, it goes wrong. But to me just to take
a minute and look at the wonderful bundle of joy,
that the Good LORD allowed to be given unto you, and
suddenly you don't really feel the pressures or problems,
of life. I raised my daughter on my own from 3months
to 7 years, and if I had the power to change that time,
I would not change a single thing. ( well maybe change
the potty training)
Need to chat, always feel free. Many caring people in this
group. Need help, I feel its here...........

 

[CheekyGal]

...and you will be soooooooo proud.I know i am.

That's another thing too Crystalhunting! Sometimes you get the joy of just sitting back, looking at your kids and thinking "Damned if I haven't done a pretty good job regardless of what anyone else thought or did." They're worth every minute of hard work, self doubt, well the list could just go on forever, but I sure wouldn't have it any other way!

And tighe, man that's a bad wrap! {{{{Hugs}}}} to you and your new little partner. If you need to talk, just give me a yell.

 

[Skitten]

I am not a single parent, but we all have those rough days. And remembering our children are our Godsend and how important they are in our lives. They always are there to make you smile. And give you hug when you are feeling down.

What gets me through those tough days are my kids, they always bring a smile to my face. And give me prespective in my life. They make you think of what is really important in your life.