Sincere or Selfish?

[Suzins]

You know for as long as I can remember, I've been wishing that I'd find somebody who thought I was special, that I was worth taking a risk for, blah blah blah. Yes all that romantic stuff, and still be able to have fun and be friends with.

And seriously out of the blue...wham! He seems to have magically appeared.

Sounds perfect, I should probably leave it alone. Because it's not like I want to ruin it by over analyzing everything. But....

I'm concerned that I might just wind up liking him back because he seems to like me so much. I've never had a real "boyfriend" before. I've had casual sex, fuck buddy relationships in the past. But never anything more.

Does anybody have any kind of reality check thing I can do (I make it sound like a procedure LOL might be easier to do if there was one) just to make sure I'm not high on the whole ego side of things. We've only been seeing each other for about a month, so it's very early. I just don't want to get carried away and do something selfish here.

I've never brought anybody home to meet my daughter, family or friends before. And he's all about doing that.

What kind of things should I be looking at to make sure I'm being sincere and not just being selfish?

 

[Kissophile]

I wouldn't worry too much about being selfish at this point. The early stages of love are normally a bit selfish. All we seem to be able to think about when we first fall in love is how wonderful we feel in the presence of this new person in our life. Over time the relationship usually deepens and the feelings become more other-centered as it does. So even though you may not think of yourself as being in love yet, the selfish feelings are quite normal.

It's also very normal to like someone, in part at least, because they like us back.

Enjoy!

 

[Succulent-one]

You both seem somewhat smitten....relax and enjoy. Don't throw this away before you have totally explored the relationship. Nothing is every perfect, but this sounds great. Just do a reality check once in awhile so that you don't look through love haze eyes and miss some big cues...Heck, just have fun

 

[SweetErika]

It might be silly, but I always list (either written or mentally) what I specifically like about someone. I ask myself 'Why?' and come up with examples of behavior. I also pay close attention to things that bother me, bad feelings, and contradictions because ignoring them in the past has not led to good results. For me, this "procedure" has allowed me to enjoy myself more and have healthy, loving relationships.

 

[LadyJeanne]

What's so bad about you liking him even if at first the compelling attraction is his attraction to you? We're all attracted to something in each other, and it's not always anything concrete or something you can define. In the end, if you're attracted, you're attracted. Get to know him better; let him get to know you. You'll see what's what after some more time together.

Do you enjoy each other's company? Do you laugh together? Is he kind to you? Are you kind to him? Do you like looking into his eyes? Do you like it when he kisses you? Do you look forward to spending time together? Do you respect each other? Are you developing trust in each other? Can you talk to each other?

If yes, then why wouldn't you continue the relationship and see what develops? Sometimes initial attractions turn into something more real, and sometimes they don't. You certainly can't know definitively how you're going to feel about someone forever after just one month. That's what dating is about. Don't take it so seriously and have fun.

 

[Suzins]

I'd like to thank everybody for taking the time to post. I'll just try and ride this out and enjoy it.

I guess I have started my own little list of things that seem to be wrong with him. But it's things that I think other people will pick out when they meet him, not things that are bothersome to me.

So far the only thing that has me in a panic is the fact he just seems so sure about it all. No doubt the list will eventually get much longer than that LOL I'm sure his list on me will eventually grow as well.

I think I'm just impatient LOL I better RELAX!!!

Thanks again for not making me feel stupid about it all,
Susan

 

[phoenix1224]

I think I'm just impatient LOL I better RELAX!!!

You hit the nail on the head... Just be patient, relax, and don't over analyze things.

Although being a BIT cautious is always a good thing, the more you analyze things, the more likely you are going to become TOO cautious... Which may cause you to not be yourself... And you DO want him to like/love you for YOU, right?

Remember, in order to fall for someone (and allow them to fall for you), you have to throw caution to the wind a bit... To paraphrase JFK: Those that succeed greatly are those that risk failing miserably.

 

[Eilan]

I guess I have started my own little list of things that seem to be wrong with him. But it's things that I think other people will pick out when they meet him, not things that are bothersome to me.

Don't focus solely on the negatives, though. All of us, to some degree, have less than desirable personality traits.

When it comes to overanalyzing things, I completely understand where you're coming from. I do it, too. I think phoenix1224 made some good points.

Good luck!