Since I can't find a joke thread...

[Weird Harold]

I'll just start a new one.

---
Late one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.

'Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called 'Happy Hour' and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o'those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guiness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later.' And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.

The officer sighed, and said, 'Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test.'

Indignantly, the man said, 'Why? Don't ye believe me?!?'

 

[Guest]

My husband was killed on the 9/11.

























Oh no. That's terrible!




























Yes it was.

 

[shereads]

My husband was killed on the 9/11.

Oh my god, I'm so sorry.



A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender says, "No, we don't have any grapes."

The next day, the duck walks into the bar and says, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender says, "No, we don't have any grapes."

The next day and the day after that, the duck walks into the bar. Each time, he asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?"
And each time, the bartender says, "No, we don't have any grapes."

Finally the bartender has had enough.
The duck walks into the bar and says, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender says, "Listen, duck. We don't have any grapes. We didn't have any grapes yesterday. We won't have any grapes tomorrow. And if you ever walk into this bar again and ask, "Got any grapes," I'll nail your feet to the bar.

The next day, the duck walks into the bar and says, "Got any nails?"
"No, dammit. We don't have any nails."
"Got any grapes?"







Yes, I've told it before. I'll tell it again. Until I hear a better duck joke, this will be my favorite joke except for The 3-Legged Pig, which is flawed by its lack of a duck and a bar.

 

[Guest]

Oh my god, I'm so sorry.



A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender says, "No, we don't have any grapes."

The next day, the duck walks into the bar and says, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender says, "No, we don't have any grapes."

The next day and the day after that, the duck walks into the bar. Each time, he asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?"
And each time, the bartender says, "No, we don't have any grapes."

Finally the bartender has had enough.
The duck walks into the bar and says, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender says, "Listen, duck. We don't have any grapes. We didn't have any grapes yesterday. We won't have any grapes tomorrow. And if you ever walk into this bar again and ask, "Got any grapes," I'll nail your feet to the bar.

The next day, the duck walks into the bar and says, "Got any nails?"
"No, dammit. We don't have any nails."
"Got any grapes?"







Yes, I've told it before. I'll tell it again. Until I hear a better duck joke, this will be my favorite joke except for The 3-Legged Pig, which is flawed by its lack of a duck and a bar.

Thank you. He crashed an airplane into a tall building.