Since I am new and you can make fun of me... help me with a flaw!

[Altruistic]

I read somone else's post about hooking up with someone tonight.

Lucky man, tear it up for me!

I just got out of a 3 year relationship with a woman who I took really good care of (helped her with abusive parents and her own alcoholism as well as a rape) and am having trouble meeting women.

It's not like I can't talk to women, I can. My problem is that when I like a girl who I think is more than just a bedmate for the night I clam up.

I haven't been with anyone since dumping my ex the day before Easter. I promised myself to take things much slower this time and not rush into anything.

There is a girl I like who is a waitress at a restaurant I take my parents to once a week. She goes to the same college as I do and we share the same major.

She is shy and two years older, but I believe that to be unimportant. Though I don't know her too well I am more impressed with her than any other woman I have meet in recent memory.

She is cute but not a bombshell. It doesn't matter because I think (or am tricking myself into thinking) that there is more to her than meets the eye.

Any suggestions?

Seems like people have no inhibitions about picking people up. My friends do it all the time but they only go for sluts and will stoop to prostitutes (No offense to anyone else who enjoys that lifestyle but thats not anything I like to do. I have been arrested enough times to compensate for anyone here).

Also, this woman doesn't come off as easily impressed or flattered with pick up lines.

Mock me, laugh at me, do what you like but if anyone here has an idea or a similiar expirience to share that would be nice.

-Altruistic

 

[KillerMuffin]

I don't think I can help. "Hey, baby, I've got a 440 interceptor and 38 inch Mickey Thompsons," probably wouldn't work on her like it would on me.

Try something honest like, "You seem really interesting and I'd like to get to know you better. Would you like to go out to lunch with me?" Or dinner. Whatever makes your wallet smile.

 

[April]

What KM said. Just don't take your parents.

 

[Altruistic]

HAHA, that line was cute.

You know, you are probobly right.

I was thinking about involving her in an arguement with my parents over something funny and betting her dinner on it while taking the wrong position on purpose but then I figured that was too complicated.

I'd sure be nice to have some classes with her next semester. It'd be so cool to actually sit next to her and chat like human beings.

As for now though she is just the tour guide of my wet dreams

 

[April]

The level of complication is directly inverse to the risk of screwing it up royally. Think about that.

 

[Altruistic]

The level of complication is directly inverse to the risk of screwing it up royally. Think about that.

Hmmmm... I think you're on to something.

 

[April]

Hmmmm... I think you're on to something.

Of course I am; I'm brilliant.

Good job working the quote feature.

 

[Mz_Scarlett]

I'm with KM-

I am always flattered by someone sincere and charming who approaches me- to say hello or to ask me out.

I say go for it - if your instinct says that you could have something fab with her, she's worth taking the risk for.

Good luck!

 

[ridddder]

My 2 cents....

Try one of these 2 things
1)
Admit that you've had your eye on her, and would like to know if she would be interested in going out for coffee, or a drink sometime. Honesty....is rare these days sometimes, works better than others....

2)

Sometimes I find that having something of interest in common helps break the ice, blind dates are tough if you haven't had many of them, and doing an activity together is sometimes the answer. The woman I am currently dating, we met and had our first date seeing an exhibition at a local art museum. We both had a real appreciation for art, and doing this together gave us both an experience to draw upon when we went out on subsequent dates.

I wish the best of luck for you both.

 

[Lost Cause]

First, get a motorcycle....

Next, ask a female out for a moonlight ride,
a picnic in the country,
or to a motorcycle rally.
If she says no, she isn't worth the time.

After all that, you'll still have your motorcycle.
(Real living is only a kick-start away)

 

[Lancecastor]

1. Don't take any dating advice from women.

 

[Altruistic]

Thanks.

My only real fear is that she knows my reputation from school. The college we go to is big (about 12,000 students) but I am well known.

I hope she didn't hear a few things (like when I beat down an entire fraternity or held a controversial political rally which had to be broken up by police officers- in other words things which I am not proud of) because I'd like her to know me for who I am and not what other people say I am.

I think I might grow some balls between today and Saturday.

Keep it comming with the suggestions. I really appreciate how helpful you all have been.

 

[April]

Re: First, get a motorcycle....

(Real living is only a kick-start away)

Dude, I hate to break it to you, but Harleys don't come with kick starts anymore. They've progressed since the caveman days.

 

[Altruistic]

I like bike rallys. My father has a 2002 Heritage Soft Tail, maybe I should take her out on it? No?


I am partial to the new V-Rod's anyway. Nice to see a motorcycle enthusiast around these parts.

 

[April]

Alt, watch yourself around here. There're lots of bikers, and some are rather serious and long winded on the subject. Any bike discussion can easily wind up a pissing contest of whose bike is better. We all know mine is.

 

[Lost Cause]

Without a kicker, it's a girl's bike...

Okay, I'll amend it for the new crew,
"Real life is only a thumb start button away."

Anyway, think about the mororcycle (economical too), as for the fe-mule, tell her what you told us.
Tell her you're facinated with her, and you want to see how far you two can run. I'm direct with them, as they're always thrown lines, it shocks them and get's them interested in at least finding out if you're compatable or not.

If you don't, you'll kick yourself forever for not finding out if she could be the "one".

Good luck!

 

[April]

Re: Without a kicker, it's a girl's bike...

Okay, I'll amend it for the new crew,
"Real life is only a thumb start button away."

My bike and I thank you.

 

[Killswitch]

You are seriously having to ask strangers opinions on how to approach a woman and start a decent conversation?

I hope you are studying geology, and not law.

 

[Altruistic]

Hey, I am surprised it took 17 posts before getting my balls broken

 

[sunstruck]

Why do men keep asking these kinds of questions? They never like the answer. Be yourself isn't what they want to hear. They want tricks, insider information. Doesn't exist. All women are different. When you find one that is a good match for you odds are you'll either have no problem talking to her or she'll find your awkward silence charming.

Also I was always kinda wary of people who tell me they "dumped" their ex. tells me there's still a lot of anger there and I don't want to deal with that kind of baggage.

 

[Altruistic]

Also I was always kinda wary of people who tell me they "dumped" their ex. tells me there's still a lot of anger there and I don't want to deal with that kind of baggage.

Is that so?

Well, truth is... I dumped her!

I don't regret it either, it was a monkey on my back.

 

[Nora]

Lemme break this down for you mathematically.

You ask her out like a normal human being would. Something like, "would you like to go out for coffee on Tuesday?"

You have a 30% chance she'll say no (because most women don't like to say no to a politely phrased request for a date). There's a 20% chance she'll say something like, "I'm not free on Tuesday, how about Wednesday?" a 10% chance that she'll say, "I have a boyfriend." and a 40% chance that she'll say, "why yes, thank you."

In case you're mathematically disinclined, that works out to about a 60% chance she'll say yes in some form or another.


On the flip side, if you make up some kind of stupid song and dance routine instead of just asking her out, the likelihood of her wanting to go out with you drops to a mere 30%. That 30% is there as a buffer for the psychos and uber-losers who would respond to that kind of act.

 

[RoryN]

Why do men keep asking these kinds of questions? They never like the answer. Be yourself isn't what they want to hear. They want tricks, insider information. Doesn't exist.

Yes they do. And some of them are surprisingly effective.

or she'll find your awkward silence charming.

Advice from personal experience: never bet on this one, guys.

Also I was always kinda wary of people who tell me they "dumped" their ex. tells me there's still a lot of anger there and I don't want to deal with that kind of baggage.

I'm sensing a pot here...possibly calling the kettle a certain color...

 

[horny_giraffe]

Lemme break this down for you mathematically.

You ask her out like a normal human being would. Something like, "would you like to go out for coffee on Tuesday?"

You have a 30% chance she'll say no (because most women don't like to say no to a politely phrased request for a date). There's a 20% chance she'll say something like, "I'm not free on Tuesday, how about Wednesday?" a 10% chance that she'll say, "I have a boyfriend." and a 40% chance that she'll say, "why yes, thank you."

In case you're mathematically disinclined, that works out to about a 60% chance she'll say yes in some form or another.


On the flip side, if you make up some kind of stupid song and dance routine instead of just asking her out, the likelihood of her wanting to go out with you drops to a mere 30%. That 30% is there as a buffer for the psychos and uber-losers who would respond to that kind of act.

Great response, Nora. But I don't know if I agree with those odds.

Heck, I can't really put odds on something like that--but I'd say that most people have a lot of inertia. IMHO, her easiest and most natural response will be "No."--unless she's in the habit of saying yes to most customers who ask.

Truth is, it doesn't really matter. It's essentially a cold-call. It doesn't really matter if the odds are against you. At least you've got a chance.

Think of it as an exercise. It's an excuse to try on your best suave face and chance to accustom yourself to talking to female strangers. You may as well get used to it. Men are generally expected to take the initiative.

There are some subtle salesmen tricks that you can use--like the "assumed close", for one. I used this one for my first successful full-scale seduction, ever, some years ago. Be warned, these techniques are like cheesy lines--charming if they work, disastrous if they fail.

You can try the meandering approach, which is usually more successful for me. See if you can arrange something to talk about besides business--see if you can get her to let down her guard. Maybe even a joke. Once she's established you as a acquaintance-of-sorts, she'll probably lighten up.