cahab
Ms
- Joined
- May 23, 2003
- Posts
- 324
I recently re-found this on my computer. It is something I did once while playing with the dictionary, totally blocked and bored shitless. It occurred to me somebody else might want to play.
Just pick up the ditionary and re-write a few definitions. Previous knowledge not necessary. Just try and follow on alphabetically as closely as you can.
I start with the A's:
Aardvark
Famous for being the first entry in any encyclopaedia, the Aardvark is still the only animal to change its name for commercial purposes. In 1837 the Aardwolf attempted to sue on the twin grounds of prior claim and false advertising, as the Aardvark wasn’t even a real Vark. He was supported in his claim by a group of Varks, small rodents with three noses and a mohican, still seeking recognition as a real animal to this very day. After one of the longest civil trials in history the Aardwolf blew it by stating that he had had much aardvark to get where he was today. The court subsequently dropped him in a hole and threw smarties at him.
Before changing it’s name to aardvark the Aardvark was known as the Thnnnnng, an unwieldy name which now makes a paltry living as the noise of being hit on the head with a metal ruler.
Adder
Small European snake, so called because of its characteristic of being able to utilise a scientific calculator without reading the instructions. See Also: Accountant.
Aeth
Word that doesn’t mean anything.
Ajax
A legendary Greek hero, son of Telamon, King of Salamis. After Hercules cleaned the Augean stables Ajax was inspired, and set to work to clean the Augean kitchen. For many days Ajax laboured in vain at the sheer scale of the task, having particular problems with that icky stuff round the back of the taps. The goddess Domestos, seeing that his was a worthy mission, smiled upon him. Ajax then pointed out that if she was just going to stand about leering at him she might as well just piss off. After sixty days and nights Ajax finally completed his task, all except for the washing up, which he decided to leave until tomorrow. Ajax eventually married the princess Persil from the island of Vim, and founded a football team.
Alabama
Place to come from with a banjo on your knee, without being able to carry a tune from here to there in a bucket.
Alcohol
Hic.
Asparagus
A plant of the lily family that is widely cultivated in temperate and subtropical regions for its young edible shoots, which are cooked and eaten as a luxury vegetable by weird people.
Ass
Either:
1) A small fast-running mammal related to the horse and native to Africa and Asia.
or:
2) An American bottom.
Atom.
Term for what used to be considered smallest possible unit of matter, far too small to be seen with the naked eye.
Atomic Clock.
Clock the size of an atom, of little use because it keeps getting lost down the back of the sofa.
Just pick up the ditionary and re-write a few definitions. Previous knowledge not necessary. Just try and follow on alphabetically as closely as you can.
I start with the A's:
Aardvark
Famous for being the first entry in any encyclopaedia, the Aardvark is still the only animal to change its name for commercial purposes. In 1837 the Aardwolf attempted to sue on the twin grounds of prior claim and false advertising, as the Aardvark wasn’t even a real Vark. He was supported in his claim by a group of Varks, small rodents with three noses and a mohican, still seeking recognition as a real animal to this very day. After one of the longest civil trials in history the Aardwolf blew it by stating that he had had much aardvark to get where he was today. The court subsequently dropped him in a hole and threw smarties at him.
Before changing it’s name to aardvark the Aardvark was known as the Thnnnnng, an unwieldy name which now makes a paltry living as the noise of being hit on the head with a metal ruler.
Adder
Small European snake, so called because of its characteristic of being able to utilise a scientific calculator without reading the instructions. See Also: Accountant.
Aeth
Word that doesn’t mean anything.
Ajax
A legendary Greek hero, son of Telamon, King of Salamis. After Hercules cleaned the Augean stables Ajax was inspired, and set to work to clean the Augean kitchen. For many days Ajax laboured in vain at the sheer scale of the task, having particular problems with that icky stuff round the back of the taps. The goddess Domestos, seeing that his was a worthy mission, smiled upon him. Ajax then pointed out that if she was just going to stand about leering at him she might as well just piss off. After sixty days and nights Ajax finally completed his task, all except for the washing up, which he decided to leave until tomorrow. Ajax eventually married the princess Persil from the island of Vim, and founded a football team.
Alabama
Place to come from with a banjo on your knee, without being able to carry a tune from here to there in a bucket.
Alcohol
Hic.
Asparagus
A plant of the lily family that is widely cultivated in temperate and subtropical regions for its young edible shoots, which are cooked and eaten as a luxury vegetable by weird people.
Ass
Either:
1) A small fast-running mammal related to the horse and native to Africa and Asia.
or:
2) An American bottom.
Atom.
Term for what used to be considered smallest possible unit of matter, far too small to be seen with the naked eye.
Atomic Clock.
Clock the size of an atom, of little use because it keeps getting lost down the back of the sofa.
a. disturbance in normal pattern of cardiac contractions b. inability to dance. Common among male humans, except African Americans.
