Silliest Spanking Implement?

[floweringquince]

Thinking about a Humor/Satire story idea: two news commentators debating a political issue get carried away with criticizing each other verbally (ala the old SNL "Weekend Update: Point/Counterpoint" sketches); but then it gets physical & someone gets spanked (bare-handed). Since comedy must escalate or die, the spankee needs to then turn the tables on the spanker whilst employing some sort of implement. But what?

A riding crop is just not silly enough.

A ping-pong paddle is the silliest traditional spanking implement that springs to mind, but what would it be doing in a TV news studio?
(For that matter, what would a riding crop be doing there?)

A rubber chicken is, of course, the most classically silly of all silly objects (and transcends the likelihood-of-presence problem), but that seems too far over the top.

So, what's the silliest spanking implement you can think of?

(And/or, what implement would you most like to spank Jane Curtin and/or Dan Ackroyd (circa 1976-1980) with?)

 

[snooper]

So, what's the silliest spanking implement you can think of?

I don't know about the silliest, but it might be slap-stick (L & H style) funny to see one of them trying to talk into a microphone while using the lead from that microphone as a whip.

And/or, what implement would you most like to spank Jane Curtin and/or Dan Ackroyd (circa 1976-1980) with?)

Since I have never heard of either of them, I assume they are from the USA.

 

[Carnevil9]

How about one of those ball-on-an-elastic-cord paddles, with the ball on the top side, and he keeps the ball bouncing while administering the spanking?

 

[BedtimeStories77]

A ping pong paddle is not silly. In fact, the scratchy surface of one feels nice after a paddling.

When I read the title to this thread, before the thread, a rubber chicken came to my mind as well. lol I'll see if anything else comes to mind.

 

[Vincent E]

A rolled-up fistful of papers the anchors read from could be used to paddle each other.

The sect director's clipboard could be silly.

Perhaps the teleprompter ripped from its mounting could be a silly spanking implement.

A shoe?

A computer keyboard?

WWRBD? "What Would Ron Burgundy Do?"

 

[cutsdean]

I bet you can't "Beat" Egg Whisk

 

[reg_roch]

If you're looking for an object that would make sense to have in a newsroom... How about a clipboard? How a bout a shoe?

If you're looking for a funny object and it doesn't have to make sense... I think spanking an ass with a big wet fish is funny. SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!

 

[rydia57]

How bout... mmmm licorice whips, a twizzler, or a partially melted abba zabba? Hmmm, seems like a turn on to me to spank his ass with it while you're eating the whi...ooooh. Or a rolled up comic book!

 

[only_more_so]

rydia inspired this thought: something from the craft services table. Maybe a hero roll, or a salami, or a slab of velveta cheese.

But when I first saw the thread title, I thought: toothbrush. I can see the person person holding the other person down and saying, "Hand me a brush" expecting a hairbrush. Instead the helpful person hands over a toothbrush. Or what about those little brushes they use with dustpans?

Of course, in a newsroom, the obvious choice for an implement would be some sort of electrical cord, but that is hardly a frivolous implement.

 

[mjl2010]

Yea everybody has one these days, so it wouldnt be a problem in a newsroom. One of those cell phones that flips open. In the middle of the spanking it could dial the spankers wife so she gets an earful of what's being said.

anyway. My .02 worth

MJL

 

[rydia57]

you guys have got me really thinking about this! How bout a loofah? The uh...friction turns some people on, you could spank and rub... and spank. Ummm.

 

[xssve]

A fish, lol. Any kind of food is silly practically by definition: a banana peel, spaggetti (messy), Bologna, a baguette, etc.

 

[wehstar]

I can't stay on subject, but I recently moved into a new house. There was a stick in the loft that I found that turned out to be brilliant.

 

[Texguy84]

You could have one of them grab a microphone and use it.

I wonder what sounds a boom mic picks up when it's colliding repeatedly with someone's posterior?

And while the physics of it are hard to figure out, there's something funny about the idea of one of the anchors grabbing an intern and using the intern as a spanking implement on the other anchor.

 

[rydia57]

The newsroom/ office kinda feeling. Oh, a mouse cord, or better, the mousepad! That would be warm to the fanny... actually, kinda nice no matter how hard it hits... oh gad, I think I might be liking this!

 

[OneLustyWench]

Really Silly?

When I read it I came up with a huge makeup powder puff (AKA the muppets Sweet-ums "Makeup"). Powder flying and screaming like it hurt when everyone knows it wouldn't and the coughing and sneezing from the powder?

Would that work?

Wenchie

 

[Texguy84]

Bonus points if some random person hands the anchorman one of those little fireplace shovels like in the movie McClintock

 

[snooper]

A paper-clip chain?

 

[sellthecookie]

how 'bout a Troll pen


scary cute and ticklish .. hehe

 

[floweringquince]

A shoe?

How about a shoe?

If you're looking for a funny object and it doesn't have to make sense... I think spanking an ass with a big wet fish is funny. SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!

When I read the title to this thread, before the thread, a rubber chicken came to my mind as well.

Perfect!!! All three of them! Thanks, everyone!

And you made me realize that I'd sort of mistitled the thread. I don't want to *start off* with the silliest possible implement, because then there's nowhere to escalate to.


(I think) it'll go like kinda like this. I've sketched in some of the dialogue and a little of the action, but this is really just quick outline of what the story will be:


"And now, "Weekend Update", with the "Weekend Update" news team. Brought to you by... (now I need a silly sponsor
"Here are Dan Atwood and Jane Draper."

"Good evening, I'm Jane Draper. Here now, the news."

"Hello. I'm "Weekend Update" Station Manager Dan Atwood. Tonight on "Point/Counterpoint", Jane and I will argue The Electoral College. Jane will take the Point against the Electoral College, and I will take the Counterpoint for. Jane?"

About midway through Jane's argument, Dan interrupts. "Jane, You Ignorant Slut! You really ought to be spanked for putting forth such silly and baseless arguments!"

He pulls Jane up out of her chair and across the anchor desk and starts spanking her. She struggles and gets away, but is caught again and bent over the side of the desk (so that her body is at nice perpendicular angle to the camera and the studio audience .

Dan rucks up her skirt and spanks her bare-assed (would she not have been wearing panties? hmm...).

Meanwhile, she turns her face to the camera & audience and screams out the rest of her argument between blows, finishing with "And now to you, Dan."

Then as he's launching into his argument, Jane wiggles away from him. She chases him around the set until he trips over a (strategically placed) power cord, landing perfectly placed over other end of the desk. She ties his hands behind his back with a microphone cord, yanks his pants down and spanks his butt with the sole of her shoe (a tasteful low-heeled black pump).

Dan is yelling out his argument the whole time. When he finishes his text, Jane says "Thank You, Dan."

He gets away then, and tries to run around the studio with his pants around his ankles. The microphone on the cord holding his hands bounces against his butt, making butt-bouncing mike sounds.

"Hello, I'm "Weekend Update" commentator Seth Majors." Another cast member appears on the set, tells them they've exceeded the rules of debate, and then demands that Dan apologize to Jane.

Dan apologizes; and then Seth tells Jane to suck Dan off as a peace offering. She does.

"Good evening, I'm "Weekend Update" correspondent Tina Brey. New York Yankee shortstop Jerret Dieter is here with me. Jerret, you were on Point/Counterpoint with Seth not too long ago, and he said that you sucked."

"That's right, Tina; but we concluded that it's really Seth that sucks --- Seth, boy, you're gonna suck me right now." Dieter forces Seth to his knees, and Seth starts sucking Dieter off.

"Hi, I'm "Weekend Update" contributor Amy Poulterer." Yet another cast member runs breathlessly onto the set. She brandishes a rubber chicken and starts spanking Tina with it.

A crew member hands Tina a very large raw fish, and she tries to spank Amy with it. Neither of them are getting in any good licks, so Amy yells "Hey, Let's get the guys!" and they starts spanking Seth and Dan.

The crew member who handed Tina the fish comes back on set, yelling "Hey, Tina, you promised to spank *me* first!"

The rest of the crew and the studio audience rushes the set; spanking any butt in sight, whipping out dicks and pulling up skirts: a orgy is taking shape.

Just then, Dan comes all over Jane's face. Thus adorned, she turns to the one camera that's still running and says "That's the news. Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow."


Quince