Signs of Humour

Handley_Page

Draco interdum Vincit
Joined
Aug 18, 2007
Posts
78,287
A SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE IN VANCOUVER THAT READ:
We will heel you
We will save your sole
We will even dye for you.

Sign over a Gynacologist’s Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”;

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels.”;

On a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for,
You've come to the right place.”;

On a Plumber's truck :
"We repair what your husband fixed.”;

On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”;

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :
"Invite us to your next blowout.”;

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts.”;

In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.”;

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push.”;

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.”;

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”;

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”;

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment on time.
However, if you don't, YOU will be de-lighted.”;

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up.”;

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait.”;

At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank Heaven for little grills.”;

In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak.”;

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
"Caution - This Truck is full of Campaign Promises"
 
Slogan on the trash trucks when i lived in north Florida:

"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your garbage back"
 
When I was at Univ College Hospital, London, there was a sign outside the Mother/Baby Unit that read 'The First Three Minutes of Life Are The Most Critical'. Underneath someone had added 'The Last Three Minutes Are Pretty Bloody Scary Too...'
 
Here is a picture of two street signs that I took some years ago, at the intersection of Johnson St. and Beaver St., in the town I used to live. The intersection was locally famous, or at least notorious.
 
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Locally a septic tank cleaner printed on his truck, IF YOU DONT SHIT, I DONT EAT.
 
One of my faves:
SWIMMING POOLS FILLED
SEPTIC TANKS EMPTIED
NOT SAME TRUCK
 
There used to be a sign on the road next to a cemetery near where I live that stated: DEAD END.
 
I heard a joke one-time about a place that had a sign saying, "Seeing-Eye dogs permitted."

Like, who's reading that sign?
 
I heard a joke one-time about a place that had a sign saying, "Seeing-Eye dogs permitted."

Like, who's reading that sign?

I guess anyone who objects to a dog in the locality.


Favourite sign on a little van that went past my Dad in the car in the 50s:

A. Kill
Butcher.
 
When I was a kid the family dentists last name was Payne.

Doctor Payne will see you now:eek:
 
In the village of Knocking, in the Welsh Border country the village shop has the sign
"The Knocking Shop"

In County Durham there is a plumber who calls himself "Flush Gordon"

In Cornwall there is a roadside Burger bar called "Burger Me"
 
I heard a joke one-time about a place that had a sign saying, "Seeing-Eye dogs permitted."

Like, who's reading that sign?

Quite a few blind people. "Legally blind" and "totally blind" aren't the same thing. Usual definition of legal blindness is 6/60 acuity or worse (making you can read at 1 metre what others could read at 10 metres) or tunnel vision limited to 10 degrees or less. Somebody with that level of impairment may be able to read a sign, but not to get around safely without a dog.

Unfortunately a lot of blind people get hassled for "faking it" when somebody notices they aren't totally blind.

(Also, like HP said, for the benefit of sighted people who might otherwise complain about service dogs.)
 
Seen on the back of a wine delivery truck.
"In case of accident, bring cheese and crackers, lots of crackers."
 
Trust me: Pain is NEVER good.

It depends on the kind of pain, Handley_Page. By my count, there are one hundred and twenty-seven distinct varieties of what could be lumped under the label of "pain". And some of 'em are pretty all right. ;)
 
Trust me: Pain is NEVER good.

It depends on the kind of pain, Handley_Page. By my count, there are one hundred and twenty-seven distinct varieties of what could be lumped under the label of "pain". And some of 'em are pretty all right. ;)

I don't know, I think the only good thing about pain is when it stops. If it's a feel good thing it isn't really pain.
 
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