Sight-seeing (my first story)

[daughter]

Members--

Okay. Newbie taking the plunge. My first story, Sight-seeing is up. Vote. Don't vote. Please, do comment.

(((daughter wondering if anyone will say they hate the view))

I promise not to whine. Appreciate you taking the time to read. Here's the link:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=27557


Peace,

daughter

 

[Marxist]

Good visuals, a little short on the sex though don't you think?

Try either including a longer sex scene or several sex scenes. And by sex I don't mean just intercourse, but all of the other things that make up an encounter and give the scene tension.

Not bad for your first post.

 

[daughter]

Thanks for the feedback

Marxist--

If the length of the sexual encounter detracts from the overall appeal, I'd be interested in remedying that. Any suggestions on how to increase the tension would be appreciated.


Any reason why you changed your visual? I hope isn't for shock value.

Thanks.

Peace,

daughter

 

[RussH]

Well, daughter, dear....

If this one is the first, I can't wait for the tenth, etc.

Good first story. Next one a little longer? Keep the intensity!

Now need a pic to go in my 'Authors' file....

Russ

 

[daughter]

Photo shy

Thank you, Russ.

I'm pretty hyper, low attention span, so I tend not to be long-winded with my stories. Yeah, a departure from my conversations. I do have longer pieces. I'll be sure to post one. I love getting requests.

I'm afraid, I have no pics. I have rarely taken a photo I like.


Thanks for taking time to read and comment.

Peace,

daughter

 

[Rrrosyn]

Fabulous scene. Nice set up. Great descriptions. Very visual.

Needs more interaction. Or sex. I see it as just needing more interaction than actual coitus.

 

[daughter]

Thank you

Rrosyn--

Thank you.

The story is from the point of view of the voyeur. How do I add more interaction without diminishing the focus, which is the voyeur's sexual gratification of watching others have sex? What other actions would you suggest?


Now I have received some feedback saying they would like to see the husband being more active. I didn't want to detract from the scene they were viewing. Do you think there needs to be some action between the husband and wife? Will that accentuate the read in your opinion? Do you want dialogue? How will that affect the POV?


I really appreciate you taking time to comment.

Peace,

daughter

 

[Sienna]

Congratulations!

Hi Daughter,

Fantastic!.........congratulations on your first story!

(*huuuuuuuuuuggggggggggssssssss*)

You can check mine out through my profile/search.....lots of SRP and witty comments.

Thats me I'm afraid.

PEACE!

Sienna
xXx

 

[Datadr]

Enjoyed your story very much. I would have to disagree with those that want more interaction with the husband. This was a visual of the wife, and her enjoying the scene in front of her. If the husband was to be involved it would change the entire concept, and return it to almost a getting laid in a porn movie house. And this had been way over done in my humble opinon.

Well done first story, and I will be looking for more.

BTW, don't waste your efforts seeking out a story of mine. I have just turned it in for editing, so it may be awhile yet..

 

[daughter]

Thank you

Datadr--

I am glad my intent was clear to you. I confess, I'm not sure if I will alter the action slightly to include the husband or if somehow I can make it clearer that this episode is about her realizing her fantasy. A gift from her husband.

When your story is posted, I'll be sure to return the courtesy.

Thanks for taking time to read and comment.

Peace,

daughter