Showing and Telling

[BlackSnake]

I read this somewhere about writting:

"specific, definite, concrete, particular details are the life of fiction"

I'm tryng to keep from writting thing like:
she was pissed
he was happy

I would like to draw it out in the character's dialog. Even with the setting I am trying draw parrallels to the main character's mood instead of detailing the setting and writing something like, " he was happy as a sissy in a CC camp" (CC - Cock Club).

Is anyone else trying to improve their writing in such a way? Do tell.

 

[KillerMuffin]

That's easy.

Telling: She was pissed.

Showing: He didn't think it was all that bad, but she turned a curious shade of red before going all Linda Blair from the Exorcist on him. He ducked just in time to miss the VW Bug-sized rock she threw at his head.

Telling: He was happy.

Showing: "If I died tomorrow, I'd die a happy man," he said.

Telling is where the narrative tells the reader what's happening. Showing is where the reader infers what's happening from narrative and/or dialogue.

I missed the point again, didn't I. I feel very chagrined.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

BlackSnake,

You're on the right track. Let me give two warnings that come lablel "Strictly My Subjective Opinion".

Don't let the "show don't tell" adage bully you. All writers, with the possible exception of folks like Proust and maybe Joyce, must at times tell instead of show. The trick is knowing where and when it's best to take the extra time needed to show not tell.

The problem with showing a character's emotion through dialogue, as opposed to narrative, is that writers have very limited tools for this task. There are few punctuation marks to indicate conversational nuances (for instance, how do you show, not tell, the reader that a remark is "mocking" or "tongue-in-cheek") and they can quickly become overused. There's also the problem that many emotional states are such that a long discourse won't work.

As for using the weather and enviornment to indicate mood and to show or hint at the characters emotions, be very careful with that tool. It can be effective. Unfortunately, it can also be easily be overused. Lest we forget, "It was a dark and stormy night".

I know that didn't include any specific advice (and probably none that was useful), but that's why writing is an art, not a science. That you're aware of the problem and the possibilities puts you up on a mess of writers.

Keep up the good work.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Weird Harold]

I read this somewhere about writting:

"specific, definite, concrete, particular details are the life of fiction"

I'm tryng to keep from writting thing like:
she was pissed
he was happy

I would like to draw it out in the character's dialog.

RFS makes a good point about being bullied by the 'show, don't tell' adage.

There are times when "She was pissed" in a paragraph all alone has much more impact than a long rant by the character showing she's pissed.

Sometimes, combining it with something like KM's example works even better:

He didn't think it was all that bad, but she turned a curious shade of red before going all Linda Blair from the Exorcist on him. He ducked just in time to miss the VW Bug-sized rock she threw at his head.

he he thought she might be little upset.

In general, I try to show enoughto give the character some texture but tell (summarize) a long diatribe that the readers' imagination canwrite far better than I can:

"You piece of Shit! You miserable excuse for a human being! How dare you say something like that?"

She ranted away at him for nearly twenty minutes without once repeating an insult or coming clos with a piece of crockery or a knick-knack before he'd had enough.

He stood and casually blocked her full armed slap. He pulled her to him and kissed her throughly until her anger melted away and she melted against him.

Writing out a twenty minute rant would be counter-productive although you could carry on a bit further than I did without hurting the story very much.

There's a fine balance between when it's best to "show" and when it's best to "tell" and your personal style figures into the equation as well.

You've got to decide for each case whether the actual words the character would speak are going to advance the story or cause it to drag.

"OK," she grumped works better in most cases than She reluctantly agreed to do as she was told. (and it's easier to type. )

 

[Rainbow Skin]

This relates to how to use qualifiers for speech verbs. How graphic a qualifier is best in each case? If you just write

'I didn't know you had,' she said.

then in its context some readings are likely and some less likely. She said in confusion - she said wonderingly - she said in an interested tone / with a flicker of interest. Any of these could be omitted in favour of just 'she said', if the context licensed.

But if you meant some other tone, not conveyed just by her words, you have to say so: She said quietly - She said in disgust - she said, jealous.

Now of course you could fold some of these into her speech - 'I'm disgusted, because I didn't know you had' - but that's laboured and she might not have said that. People often say short things and it's their tone and actions that convey the full meaning.

General rule, the simpler the state, the easier it is to just say it. 'She said quietly' is as good as 'She said, dropping her voice to a whisper'. But 'she said jealously' is a complex state, and would be better served by showing, not telling.

'I didn't know you had,' she said, looking from him to the handkerchief and back, her hand almost shaking as she traced out the monogram.

Here (apart from the shaking) it's not even the emotional state being directly depicted, but behaviour that implies it. This is, unless I've been misusing the term for much of my life, what Eliot called the objective correlative.

 

[BlackSnake]

You guys are a wealth of knowledge. I could just kick myself for just sliding through composition in school.

I'm guessing that you guys mean that I need a mixture to create full effects.

 

[Chicklet]

Telling: She was pissed.

Showing: He didn't think it was all that bad, but she turned a curious shade of red before going all Linda Blair from the Exorcist on him. He ducked just in time to miss the VW Bug-sized rock she threw at his head.

NICE = )

 

[BlackSnake]

"You piece of Shit! You miserable excuse for a human being! How dare you say something like that?"

She ranted away at him for nearly twenty minutes without once repeating an insult or coming clos with a piece of crockery or a knick-knack before he'd had enough.

He stood and casually blocked her full armed slap. He pulled her to him and kissed her throughly until her anger melted away and she melted against him.

Writing out a twenty minute rant would be counter-productive although you could carry on a bit further than I did without hurting the story very much.

I'm adding more dialog to let the character show what kind of people they are. My lattest post went 23 pages by doing that. I'm hoping that the characters will seem more lively.

 

[cahab]

That's easy.

Telling: She was pissed.

Showing: He didn't think it was all that bad, but she turned a curious shade of red before going all Linda Blair from the Exorcist on him. He ducked just in time to miss the VW Bug-sized rock she threw at his head.

Me very confused for a while, till me remembered conversation in another thread. Why would drunk people chuck rocks at people. Doh!

 

[MathGirl]

Hot damn!

Oh, boy. BS's weenie is back.
MG

 

[Guest]

double dicks

Careful, MG; I suspect the weiner may also be aka MV. P.

 

[MathGirl]

Re: double dicks

Careful, MG; I suspect the weiner may also be aka MV. P.

Dear Perdita,
Nawwwww ....... Even Mister V has more class than that.
MG

 

[cahab]

Re: Hot damn!

Oh, boy. BS's weenie is back.
MG

(off/off topic)

?

 

[BlackSnake]

Re: Hot damn!

Oh, boy. BS's weenie is back.
MG

Problem, or dreaming?

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Re: Hot damn!

(off/off topic)

Dear Cahab,
Is that a censure? If so, I'm terribly sorry and absolutely devastated.
MG
Ps. What is the topic?
Pps. Definitely not dreaming.

 

[BlackSnake]

Re: Re: Re: Hot damn!

Dear Cahab,
Is that a censure? If so, I'm terribly sorry and absolutely devastated.
MG
Ps. What is the topic?
Pps. Definitely not dreaming.

MathGirl,

Sorry you hate, but the idea to improve writing, allowing the character in the story to give the reader an idea of who they are. What is your take on that?

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Hot damn!

MathGirl,Sorry you hate

Dear BS,
That's very unfair and uncalled for. Sensitive, aren't we?
MG

 

[BlackSnake]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hot damn!

Dear BS,
That's very unfair and uncalled for. Sensitive, aren't we?
MG

Yes, you should know how us shy country folks are. I just want to be loved...

 

[cahab]

Re: Re: Re: Hot damn!

Dear Cahab,
Is that a censure? If so, I'm terribly sorry and absolutely devastated.
MG
Ps. What is the topic?
Pps. Definitely not dreaming.

No, an expression of puzzlement.

As if I would attempt to censure! Especially you, my dear.

 

[BlackSnake]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hot damn!

Dear BS,
That's very unfair and uncalled for. Sensitive, aren't we?
MG

My appologies beautiful rose: * 12)

 

[denis hale]

Show and Tell

What an excellent topic of discussion!

In many instances, it is incumbent on a writer to use "exposition" in the narrative--to flesh out backstory and subtext, and to allow the reader to glimpse a POV characters motivations and predilections, as they relate to the plot.

To let a reader inside your characters' heads, you simply can't avoid "telling" instead of showing, sometimes.

Within the exposition, however, if you give the reader something to relate to-- to "hang their hats on", so to speak--it will hold your story in good stead, moving the reader smoothly through, to the succession of action sequences.

For instance:

You could write:

"Dick had always been turned on by British girls; this one was giving him a hard on"

or

"Ever since Dick was a boy, salivating over Diana Rigg's long legs and tight ass on "The Avengers" TV series, an English accent on an already-attractive woman could set him off like purple garters and black fishnet pany hose. As he listened to her speak he felt himself getting hard already.

#2 is longer, but more compelling. And propelling.

It is when you achieve just the right mix and rhythm, back and forth, between action and exposition, that your story is best served.

This is as true in xxx stories as it is any literary or genre fiction.

Discuss? Or Disgust?

dh

 

[Guest]

Re: Show and Tell

"Ever since Dick was a boy, salivating over Diana Rigg's long legs and tight ass on "The Avengers" TV series, an English accent on an already-attractive woman could set him off like purple garters and black fishnet pany hose. As he listened to her speak he felt himself getting hard already.

DH: wonderful example and opening sentence; love the purple and black bits. Tell me there's a whole story posted and I'll jump to read it. Thanks.

Perdita

 

[denis hale]

Hey Perdita

Hello there!

Yeah I do have a new story, pending right now.

Come to think of it, it does have an Emma Peale type character in it, but no Avenger plot-line, though that is certainly something to aspire to.

I love The Avengers!

Steed Rocks...


warmly,

dh

 

[Guest]

Re: Hey Perdita

I love The Avengers!

Steed Rocks...

DH: I'll look for your new story. FYI, I was just over 18 (haha) when the Avengers first rocked American TV. It helped form some basic sexual attitudes for me, quite nicely and naughtily.

warmly too, Peridta

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I'm guessing that you guys mean that I need a mixture to create full effects.

Not to mention the old tested-and-trusted Kill Your Darlings-method, where you write the story as full and fluent as you like it, then cut out half of your best sentences in order to avoid over-doing it.