I've been married for less than a year, have known this woman since high school, lived with her for a few years. When you get married you negotiate, have to appease the other etc. Anyway, so we're moving into a new house and my wife wants me to drop the dozen or so pornos I own. Movies she's watched with me, something most people use as an aid to yank... Now she says I have to throw them out, which I'm fine with as long as she has to throw out her vibrator. She says it's not the same, I say it's the same. Is it a fair exchange?
Should my new wife have to get rid of her vibrator?
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impressive
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How 'bout you both keep both, but agree to use them together? 
Salvor-Hardon
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IF you are honestly asking for opinions, I would say no its not the same. Porn and especially video are passive and you just sit and watch them. You may get excited and it leads to sex later, but its just priming the pump if it even does that.
the vibrator is a tool, an active engagement, that she uses to reach climax. I would say use the vibe with her, learn how to stimulate her hot points. To put it in typical guy speak, its a power tool for orgasms. You wouldn't give up your tools if she stopped watching HGTV.
the vibrator is a tool, an active engagement, that she uses to reach climax. I would say use the vibe with her, learn how to stimulate her hot points. To put it in typical guy speak, its a power tool for orgasms. You wouldn't give up your tools if she stopped watching HGTV.
How 'bout you both keep both, but agree to use them together?
I love the vibrator, using it on her and all that fun. But we're not always in the same place when we want to get off. We're both accustomed to a little help on our solo missions.
secretme
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How 'bout you both keep both, but agree to use them together?
Totally agreed! Why get rid of either anyway?
I understand the passive vs. active and agree. But I'm talking about pure solo missions when the other isn't available. I need to watch Penny Flame get off or it'll take me forever, and I can't spend an hour wanking. I understand that I'm watching another female, and sympathize with that, but she's gotten off watching pornography. It just seems like she's making me get rid of the porn because it fits with whatever role of wife she's decided on.
Darkniciad
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'fraid I'm going to have to side with the wife here. If she'd asked you to get rid of a Fleshlight or something, that's the same. If you'd asked her to get rid of a series of movies with some hunky actor that makes her quiver, that's sort of the same.
My guess is that she feels uncomfortable about you using images of other women for that purpose. Best bet, let her know right now that you don't need anyone else sexually. The price of your old porn collection may be a hell of a lot emotionally cheaper than suspicions about real women later.
Make the best of it. Take advantage of the vibe in the bedroom so that it's part of your sex life together, and not just a substitute for you when you're not around.
My guess is that she feels uncomfortable about you using images of other women for that purpose. Best bet, let her know right now that you don't need anyone else sexually. The price of your old porn collection may be a hell of a lot emotionally cheaper than suspicions about real women later.
Make the best of it. Take advantage of the vibe in the bedroom so that it's part of your sex life together, and not just a substitute for you when you're not around.
Salvor-Hardon
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That sounds like the beginning of a long and open talk you too should have.
What's her reason for getting rid of them now, in the new house? Does she know its just for when she's not around? Is she willing to send you sexy photos / texts / emails / etc to get you revved up if she thinks you are supplanting her with the porn? I don't think the issue is porn versus vibe as it is a disconnect in communication.
Open a bottle of wine and start talking.
midwestyankee
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If you're not clear on "whatever role of wife she's decided on" at this point, then it seems to me that the two of you have much deeper problems than figuring out who uses what to wank.
secretme
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The only time I've ever been bothered by porn was when it seemed like I was getting turned down for together time and yet he still found time for solos. Hopefully you're not having that prob. In that case it wasn't the porn that bothered me as much as the idea that a solo might be preferable to me. In reality I'm sure it was more of a timing/effort thing. LOOOONG story. But you should probably talk about it with her on a serious and very non-confrontational level. There may be something wrong that you don't know about...
Bianca_Sommerland
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Damn. I have to say, to my mind, it is the same. Both are exterior methods of stimulation, and unless something (besides moving) has happened to change things I don't see why either of you should have to give them up. On that note if you have to give up something you use to get off, so should she.
My opinion of fair. Then again I'm not married and never will be. I hope you work it out...and if you don't I hope the blowout leads to great make up sex! With the porn and the vibrator!
My opinion of fair. Then again I'm not married and never will be. I hope you work it out...and if you don't I hope the blowout leads to great make up sex! With the porn and the vibrator!
Best way to solve this EPM, is to ditch the pornos, let your wife keep her vibe and buy a camcorder. Make videos of her doing it with the vibe and cumming, in every way possible and wank to those instead. You're happy, she's happy and you get to have lots of fun making different videos together.
Nah, a deep problem was when I was gone for 18 months to fight a war.
G
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How 'bout you both keep both, but agree to use them together?
Yep.
But honestly, why do people make up silly rules once they get married?
Why does getting married negate having good sex for so many?
EP, are you getting rid of your old furniture for your new house as well? What does moving into a new house have to do with porn and vibrators? Did you sign a no-wanking clause?
I'll sell you some pornos to go along with it.
It isn't something that's going to cause a serious argument, it's just pornography, I'm not gonna make a stand like I'm Obama and this is Universal Healthcare. I just wanted some additional opinions for further discussion, since my friends just say, "Hide the porn."
G
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Stop. You already own too many.
Filming sex is another discussion. I think she sees our new house as the house of her future family, as in kids and such and wants to set an atmosphere of values. I've got plenty of values, I just want to keep a couple porn movies. I'll probably drop them when we have kids.
Bianca_Sommerland
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I second that idea...if the negotiations fall flat that is. Sneaky sex is always twice as hot
Sounds to me like she was waiting until you were hooked before she sprung the trap door. Nothing worse than a woman with a hidden agenda. If there was nothing wrong with porn before, there should be nothing wrong with it now. If she's worried the kids might see it, how is she going to explain her vibe when they come out of the room when you have guests over and they're running around with it? If she gives you the, "I'll put it in a safe place." story, tell her your porn can go there as well. What's yours is yours, what's hers is hers. More divorces are caused by shit like this, because they don't discuss things before they say, "I Do". Stand firm my friend and declare your possessions off limits.
OhMissScarlett
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Word to ya mutha.How 'bout you both keep both, but agree to use them together?
Or you buy new porn and a new vibe...because it's a new house, right?
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impressive
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*snort*
OhMissScarlett
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Maybe it's just me, but if my dong doesn't match the curtains, I'm all out of sorts.Yep.
Christen the place right and proper.
Masturbation is usually a stress reliever. I use porn as an object for pure pleasure. Before we were together she was just one of the assortment of girls I used to wank to. When I formed a relationship with her she faded from my self-centered pleasure zone. Do females buy that? That dirty masturbation fantasy has nothing to do with their desirability as a partner? Sex is shared, masturbation is just about you getting off. Don't get me wrong, I still pleasure myself with the thought of her; it's just a totally different sensuality than what I do when reading/writing a story for Lit or watching porn.
