Should I

[Kajira Callista]

post a personal ad?

Yes? No?

why?

 

[stirbird]

post a personal ad?

Yes? No?

why?

I don't know you well enough to give you any advice one way or the other. You have a tough skin? You'll probably really need one. It's pretty bad out there in personal-ad land.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

post a personal ad?

Yes? No?

why?

Depends on what you want.

Are you looking for a life-partner? A quick hook up? A "friends with benefits" situation?

They work for some, for others it's nothing but a steady stream of frogs.

Why post a personal ad? It casts a net out there, maybe you'll catch something worth keeping.

Good luck!

 

[graceanne]

I dunno. I guess I'd say yes. It's always worth a try. And if it doesn't work what's the worst that will happen? You'll be alone - wait you already are. Just remember to not be too trusting, and stay away from guys who aren't in your area or aren't willing to relocate.

 

[FurryFury]

It could be interesting. You never know it lead to someone who really fits you for whatever purpose you have in mind. Did you see that thread about how people here have met? Most did it online. I find that surprising to say the least.

Be prepared for a lot of aggravation though. You will have a lot to add to the asshat thread I'm betting before you find a decent one.

Fury

 

[catalina_francisco]

Go for it KC. Speaking from ersonal experience, it is a great way to meet some really nice guys, some assholes, and some absolutely fantastic ones. You have a good head on your shoulders, know what you want, and know what it is about so you have a head start....just try not to limit yourself, particularly geographically, as though it may seem impossible, as the saying goes 'where there's a will there's a way'...if he is the right one, you will both make it work for you. Good luck lady.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

If nothing else -- entertainment value.

 

[Andante]

(....) and stay away from guys who aren't in your area or aren't willing to relocate.

(....) ....just try not to limit yourself, particularly geographically, as though it may seem impossible, as the saying goes 'where there's a will there's a way'...if he is the right one, you will both make it work for you. Good luck lady.

Two very different opinions on the location issue. Personally I am with catalina: There is a world out there; explore it! To me, limiting your search to your own backgarden symbolizes a kind of denseness. I know people can have good reasons to do so, like shared kids, family depending on you, etc. In most cases, though, I think it's about how narrow-minded you are. And if you really want something; well, then go search for it by all means. Catalina/Francisco and shy slave/I are just examples of people who realised that if we wanted a great catch we had to look outside the local duck-pond.
Finally, let me join the chorus warning you that you will undoubtedly come across a lot of morons and wanna-be's before you, maybe, find someone genuine. Be wise, be cautious, be picky, be patient. Good luck!

 

[Kajira Callista]

Stil debating.
I dont have thick skin at all and the location issue is a big deal. Grace knows why. Last time around it is what ultimately ended things that i thought were good.
I don't have a lot of patience for nonsense either. I guess i will have to think a while longer. Thanks for the input.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Stil debating.
I dont have thick skin at all and the location issue is a big deal. Grace knows why. Last time around it is what ultimately ended things that i thought were good.
I don't have a lot of patience for nonsense either. I guess i will have to think a while longer. Thanks for the input.

Can relate on the lacation issue, but perhaps a way of seeing it is if Mr. Right is local, why haven't you found each other by now? It isn't always as big an issue as many Dominants are willing to move to you, especially if children and family are involved...I met a few, including F who would have, but in our case it seemed to me the right thing for me to move for a variety of reasons, none of them to do with aspects of D/s.

Catalina

 

[graceanne]

Can relate on the lacation issue, but perhaps a way of seeing it is if Mr. Right is local, why haven't you found each other by now? It isn't always as big an issue as many Dominants are willing to move to you, especially if children and family are involved...I met a few, including F who would have, but in our case it seemed to me the right thing for me to move for a variety of reasons, none of them to do with aspects of D/s.

Catalina

How old were your kids when you moved to be with F? Also, how involved is their dad in their life.

As for finding Mr. Right locally, it's actually difficult to find people that are worth mentioning here in the states. I mean how are you supposed to find them? At a bar? Well then you run a good chance of ending up with a drunk. And if you have small kids, as you know, it's hard to get out. Plus their could be someone an hour away that's totally compatible. Chances are s/he goes to different hang out places than KC.

KC - do you have a dom/me friend who'd be willing to weed through anything that's sent to you, if you did a personal? Someone to get rid of the garbage and make sure you only see the ones that are worth seeing. You know - get rid of the ashats, the loosers, and anyone who's totally not what you're looking for (namely out of range, and unwilling to relocate).

 

[catalina_francisco]

How old were your kids when you moved to be with F? Also, how involved is their dad in their life.

I took one with me and left my daughter and grandaughter behind as she had her life. That is why I could move and why I mentioned to KC not all Dominants are going to require it....as I said, I met several apart from F who were willing to relocate for me and were financially stable and able to do so career wise. For me the choice did not come down to those things as F would have no trouble getting employment anywhere he goes...lol, part of the reason we are away now, and why his company has to keep dealing with customers wanting him above the rest and there not being enough time in a year for them all to have their wish come true..and they pay the company dearly for the priviledge.

As for finding Mr. Right locally, it's actually difficult to find people that are worth mentioning here in the states. I mean how are you supposed to find them? At a bar? Well then you run a good chance of ending up with a drunk. And if you have small kids, as you know, it's hard to get out. Plus their could be someone an hour away that's totally compatible. Chances are s/he goes to different hang out places than KC.

That was the reason I went with the net and personal ads....I had one drunk, didn't want another...and I am not a social butterfly so made sense and comfort to me.

KC - do you have a dom/me friend who'd be willing to weed through anything that's sent to you, if you did a personal? Someone to get rid of the garbage and make sure you only see the ones that are worth seeing. You know - get rid of the ashats, the loosers, and anyone who's totally not what you're looking for (namely out of range, and unwilling to relocate).

Not sure another can do this for anyone successfully as it really comes down to the 2 people involved to decide, and gives a better impression if a sub feels abe to make choices for herself. What one person might think suitable or unsuitable, no matter how well intended, could manage to bypass a great opportunity.

Catalina

 

[chris9]

Stil debating.
I dont have thick skin at all and the location issue is a big deal. Grace knows why. Last time around it is what ultimately ended things that i thought were good.
I don't have a lot of patience for nonsense either. I guess i will have to think a while longer. Thanks for the input.

Even if you don't have a thick skin and have been hurt or are afraid of being hurt (and not in a good way), ultimately, if you want someone with you in your life, you'll have to start looking.
And who knows if next time around the distance won't be an issue?

 

[graceanne]

I took one with me and left my daughter and grandaughter behind as she had her life. That is why I could move and why I mentioned to KC not all Dominants are going to require it....as I said, I met several apart from F who were willing to relocate for me and were financially stable and able to do so career wise. For me the choice did not come down to those things as F would have no trouble getting employment anywhere he goes...lol, part of the reason we are away now, and why his company has to keep dealing with customers wanting him above the rest and there not being enough time in a year for them all to have their wish come true..and they pay the company dearly for the priviledge.

I specified in my original post either dom's in the area, or ones who are willing to relocate. I didn't mean she should only look at the ones in her area, but that she should avoid ones who aren't willing to relocate.

That was the reason I went with the net and personal ads....I had one drunk, didn't want another...and I am not a social butterfly so made sense and comfort to me.

I must have misunderstood your original post. I thought you were saying that cause she hadn't met a guy locally their wasn't any. I was just saying that even if she hasn't met him, doesn't mean he's not there. Just might mean he's not real social, and doesn't like to deal with crowds.

Not sure another can do this for anyone successfully as it really comes down to the 2 people involved to decide, and gives a better impression if a sub feels abe to make choices for herself. What one person might think suitable or unsuitable, no matter how well intended, could manage to bypass a great opportunity.

Catalina

The reason I suggested this is cause she said she doesn't have a very thick skin. And quite frankly I'd hate for her to get attached to a guy who is right in ever way, but can't (or won't) relocate. This way someone can weed through the jerks, and the ones who didn't read her profile, saving her thin skin.

 

[chris9]

Me, again, sorry, thought of something else after posting before.
Have you looked at potential partner's personal ads? If you go that way, you can choose who to contact (only those local/willing to relocate, fond of kitties/children/some special food, whatever else is important for you). That way you won't get hurt as easily by stupid candidates.

 

[Netzach]

I'm in what a lot of people consider the middle of nowhere, the jaded ones who live in Chicago, NYC, LA and I definitely found someone in my own neck of the woods by going persistantly and consistantly to events and munches and just enjoying myself.

I'm going to be cunty and say that if you are in New England, on the East Coast on the whole Eastern seaboard, you're really not that far from some kind of civilization.

A while at an event unescorted can be good. I came away from Black Rose with a phone number from someone in virginia I definitely would have put to hard use if I weren't attached!

 

[catalina_francisco]

The reason I suggested this is cause she said she doesn't have a very thick skin. And quite frankly I'd hate for her to get attached to a guy who is right in ever way, but can't (or won't) relocate. This way someone can weed through the jerks, and the ones who didn't read her profile, saving her thin skin.

True, but KC is not alone in this and I don't know anyone who hasn't been hurt in some way in relationships....it is part of the whole process otherwise we would all meet our perfect mate and never have a day's sorrow or pain. Even in a good relationship there are going to be good days and bad days....it is life.

Catalina

 

[graceanne]

True, but KC is not alone in this and I don't know anyone who hasn't been hurt in some way in relationships....it is part of the whole process otherwise we would all meet our perfect mate and never have a day's sorrow or pain. Even in a good relationship there are going to be good days and bad days....it is life.

Catalina

I don't mean that the other person should find out things like whether the person's compatible. Only KC would know that. But that they delete the wannabes (On your knees, slut, i'm your real master type guys) and the ones who have it stated in their profile that they won't relocate. Then she could just go through the ones how actually read her profile, and aren't looking for an online harem.

 

[sincerely_helene]

Hopefully I'm not being redundant as I haven't had the chance to read all the replies, but did you mean a personals ad here at Lit? If so, I wouldn't recommend it. Your PM box will overflow with asshat messages everytime you log on, and just generally the idea of placing an ad in such a sexual enviroment sounds like it might attract all the wrong kinds of people. I don't mean this as offense to those who do use it and have found it successful, but the majority of feedback I've gotten from others who have done so has not been positive.

I do have a couple personal ads elsewhere, though. Made a few good friends that way, however admit if I had it to do over again I would avoid places like collarme and alt. I think I stand a better chance of meeting a potential dominant on the nilla sites, as they just seem to be more sincere, and less horny/swingerish.

Another route you could go if the bdsm aspect is important to you is an online group based in or near your area. There are tons of them out there, and I find that it is a little safer as everyone seems to look out for one another. A lot of them host discussions via chatrooms, too, so it gives you a decent chance of getting to know people in a non threatening enviroment.