Should I Worry?

[SlickTony]

This might seem weird, but bear with me...I have a 16YO son. He has Asperger syndrome, but is intelligent and sweet and presents as normal until you've conversated with him for a while. He's getting to be very attractive and is becoming physically mature, and when we go out places I see girls checking him out, but he doesn't seem to be interested in sex the way most kids his age are. I remember 16YO boys from when I was 16 and most of them would have fucked mud for the opportunity of sticking it somewhere. I haven't even seen any evidence that he's jacking off. He was on a bunch of meds, some of which probably suppress arousal, but a while back he persuaded his neurologist to let him stop taking them, so he takes nothing except occasionally Atenolol for migraines, and I'm not sure he's even taking that. The neurologist retired a while back and we haven't replaced her.

I'm sure that a lot of people, especially the ones I know in meatspace, would say this is fine, that's one less thing for me to worry about, but I just want him to grow up to be as normal as possible. Should I talk to our doctor about this or should I just assume that he's a late bloomer and he'll eventually catch up?

It doesn't help that they told him bubkes in school about sex. A conversation we had about something else happened to reveal this, and here I was, with his dad not at home, having to explain all this stuff in a hurry. Damn north Florida bluenoses...

 

[babydoll2u]

Personally, I would talk to his doctor, just to ease my mind, if for no other reason.

jmho

 

[NaughtyLil1]

I agree with baby. Kids all develop at their own pace, but if there's a medical concern, the doctor can promptly address and treat it.

 

[phoenix1224]

Personally, I would talk to his doctor, just to ease my mind, if for no other reason.

jmho

I agree.

He could just be a late bloomer but, if you don't think that he is even masturbating (something that the average 16 year old boy does 3-5 times a day), he could have some sort of hormonal/chemical imbalance or some other medical/psychological condition yet undiscovered... So, talking to a doctor would definitely be advisable.

 

[Ezzy]

Consult with a "new" doctor don't just let it all drift.

Here in a page on AS link that may be worth a look.

 

[dollface007]

Maybe the next time you take him in for a check up you could pre-arrange with the doctor to send you out of the room at some point and have a discussion about whether he is masturbating. Or you could have your husband take him to the appointment (which might make it a bit easier on the doctor) and they could all-three discuss it together.

As someone who grew up in Texas with abstinence-only sexual "education," I can tell you that they at least told the boys about erections and wet dreams back in 5th or 6th grade. I doubt they said anything about masturbation.

You're right, a lot of people would just ignore this issue, but the fact that you haven't tells me that you are a great great mom.

 

[SlickTony]

Thanx Everyone

All of y'all have given very good advice. I will talk about it with his dad when he gets in. And Ezzy, thanks for the link. I can't think of another Asperger site right off the bat that said anything that specific about sexual development in Asperger people.

The "double whammy" that the link spoke of really hit where I live, as I am convinced my whole family is cursed with the syndrome to one degree or another--except for my mother, the ex-sorority chick, and my daughter, who is the family diplomat. And think of my poor husband! Having to cope with a houseful of Asperger people.

I know for a fact that my son received no information whatever about wet dreams. He was not even familiar with the term.

Here's how I know. We have a cat that has an inappropriate peeing problem, and at one point my son was afraid that she had peed on his pillowcase (I looked at and smelled the stain and concluded that he had probably drooled on it in his sleep, as people sometimes do). The cat sleeps in his bed a lot and he was wondering if she had had "a wet dream." It was clear he meant the kind of dream where you are using the bathroom and then wake up and find to your horror that you are wetting the bed.

Oh dear.

"Um....that's not what is meant by 'wet dream,'" I said. That's when it came out about the vast chasm in his sexual education, and the hasty, impromptu conversation about male sexuality. And no, he didn't know about nocturnal emissions either. I say it again: damn north Florida bluenoses. I believe that parents ought to provide most of the information to kids about sex, provided they aren't the kind of twists that'll convince their kids the whole thing is Nasty, Dirty and Sinful, but jeez--! A little help would have been appreciated.

Again, thanks. BTW, If anybody is interested in the treatment of Asperger people (literary, not therapeutic) in fiction, they might want to give "Quid pro Quo," a story in my collection, a read. My first review was a pan from some stroke purist who complained that it didn't have enough moneyshots but I got some good feedback from everyone else, including some guys with Asperger.

 

[glynndah]

I have a 19 year old son with Asperger's. He does not date right now. He is probably masturbating, but is very discreet about it. There are several "teen" websites he visits with nonnude pictures. We have always been very open with him about dating, sex, condoms, etc. He does not want to talk about these things and says he has no questions. One thing we did do for him was buy a good illustrated book about sex directed specifically towards boys when he was entering puberty. We told him we would be happy to answer any questions and talk with him about it. He read the book and I think he still uses it because I see it in moved around in his room. He has several pinups in his room. His father and I both told him that was fine, but to remember that most girls he is likely to meet will not look like those.

I would highly recommend getting a book for your son. Many kids with Asperger's are very touchy about discussing these issues and feel much more comfortable doing their own research. My son was always more likely to believe something if it was written down in a book as opposed to just our opinion. I can't remember the name of the book but I think it's something like
"What's happening to my body? the boy's edition."

Good luck!

 

[Cathleen]

I also agree that you need to consult with doctors, I'd definitely get a neurologist back on the list too.

His delay, while usual with Asperger DX, can cause him a lot of problems with self esteem. No 16/18/20 year old wants to admit they don't know about sex... no information is not better then bad information from his friends. Neither is good.

Could your husband and/or yourself talk with him about sex? Knowledge about those tough parts of life, really make a difference.

 

[SlickTony]

glynndah, thank you so much for your reply. It is good to know that there are other people going through the same stuff. The funny thing about my son is that when he was younger, like in elementary school, he never had any trouble with meeting girls. One time we went to the Oktoberfest and he met this girl and they danced until he wore her out. And he had a girlfriend--it was platonic but it was very sweet and intense, but she moved away, and he feels kind of burned. One thing that his dad is concerned about is that he is in this very small private school with only about 60+ kids in it. It is mainly for kids who have autism spectrum disorder, and if there's anything we know about the demographics of people on the autism spectrum, it's that it is more common among boys than girls. This means that the ratio of boys to girls is much greater and anything that might be remotely construed as a dating pool is very small. But if I'd left him in the public school system he would have ended up going to the biggest and roughest school in our county and he'd have been just crunched up academically.

I know very well what you mean about him being reticent about the subject. You can tell he doesn't want to talk about it. I'll look into the book and stick it in his room in the hopes he'll give it a read. He is kind of wrongheaded and if I tell him that he ought to read it, he'll resist. On the other hand, he does not read anything spontaneously. He is not a reader. When school is out, he does not crack open a book all summer. It was much easier with my daughter. All I had to do was answer her questions as honestly possible and leave the books out where she could pick them up. She is the kind of person who always has to have something to read.

I did get a chance to talk with his dad about all this, and he is of the opinion that it doesn't occur to the kid to think about sexuality because in the school system and in church he has had it dinned into him that he's not supposed to, and he's always been a good boy who was concerned about following the rules.

Funny, I had that dinned into me when I was his age, and it never stopped me. I mean, as far as the interest. Kids today have it much better than we did, with ScarleTeen etc., and there used to be this website on young people's sexuality that all you ever saw posting into the forums was kids (the owners took it down, unfortunately, saying that the political atmosphere had gotten too chilly.)

The thing that I am worried about is that he'll come into bloom so much later, he'll get into trouble and he'll be too old for us to run interference for him.

 

[glynndah]

I know that the social factor of Asperger's is often the most difficult to deal with.

Fortunately my son is a reader. The book I am refering to is illustrated. Even if your son isn't a reader, I'm sure he'll be interested in the pictures. Leave the book on his bed and hope he gets curious. I don't know much about your family dynamics, but perhaps some relatively "innocent" erotica, SI swimsuit issue, a pinup calendar, maybe Playboy, could be left where he could "find" them?

 

[SlickTony]

That's a good idea. I know he must like looking at all these pop singers he likes who have more looks than talent.

I was at my doctor's today and brought up the subject with her. She said that the meds he had been on did tend to suppress arousal--maybe they aren't all completely out of his system. She also said that the next time he came around for a checkup they might check his hormone levels.