Should I try another bit of history?

[LaRascasse]

I posted this on another forum as well, but this one seems to be more active so here goes.

I have already written a story on a historical theme. It is called The Crusader . Tell me if I pulled it off correctly.

I am asking because I am considering diving into my history books again and coming up with another historical piece, along similar lines but a different setting. I want to make it essentially fact based (involving actual historical figures), but not a history lesson.

As of now the eras I am considering are
1. The Borgia period
2. Attila's tribe
3. Paris during the middle ages.

Any other suggestions are welcome. I am hoping for atleast some sexual significance of the era. I can make up the rest

 

[nicecthulhu]

First off, I am no historian. I do have an interest in some of the lighter and darker aspects of humanity's history, though.
I like the idea of historical erotic fiction. My next story will be set during the War of 1812.
I only had enough time to begin reading your story before I have to turn off the computer and attend to family responsibilities, but I liked your story enough to come back to it tonight once the little ones are in bed.
I do have a few criticisms, but as I said I'm not historian. Nor are my grammar skills noteworthy. please keep that in mind.
First, they hurled rocks and explosives at the walls? I didn't think the Europeans had explosives in that period.
Second, William's fun with Claire has produced a lot of religious description ('gates of her holy confines' for one). I'm not sure but I think the act of procreation was holy (go forth and multiply), but the actual sex act was frowned upon by the church. So I find your use of religious terms during the sex act to be a little out of place. If it is meant tongue in cheek, well fine, but it seems as if your story so far is serious-minded.
Third, there are some editing issues (see the paragraph beginning with "We were in live.").
After the critique, I do like the story so far. I also like that you're not taking the easy track of the cynical, ruthless, pretending to be religious Crusader. William seems to be an honest man doing what he does in a very different time than our own. I know that many Crusaders were little more than murderers and thieves.
Your Attila's tribe one might be a story I'd read. Have you thought about a Mongol story, preferably not Timorlane?

 

[LaRascasse]

I look forward to the rest of your feedback...

 

[nicecthulhu]

So, I've read the whole thing now.
Sorry, the editing issues began with the paragraph beginning "We were in love." If I could only learn to type properly...
The problems with the religious aspect of sex bother me with the encounter with the Moslem woman, as it did with Claire. I have trouble reconciling the Church's antipathy towards the sex act and the terms you have used. I find it a little difficult to believe a very wealthy and supposedly very well-educated man of that time would think of sex that differently from the way we do today. And the teachings of the Church wouldn't exactly have been "then you enter her holiest of holies"...
Your style of writing makes me think you want to craft a story, as opposed to just writing a sex scene. I like the story.
William seems a little odd in his behaviour. Here he has the perfect medieval wife at home (a sexpot in private and a lady in public), yet he easily does the deed with Arabella, as well.
It seemed a little to easy for him, to me. I would have expected something subtle earlier in the story to make it clear that he's not a bad guy just because he has the odd other woman in his life. I realize the mores of a 21st century man are quite different from a 12th century English nobleman.
The darkness in the story overbalances the lightness.
I would have preferred you flesh out the story a little more. Showed a little more of the positive side of William, especially with Claire. A little more time spent with William and Arabella would have helped, and I don't necessarily mean more sex (and I'm saying this on an erotic website!). A little more light and the dark episodes in the story would have seemed philosophic or sobering, not overpowering.
Although maybe that was exactly what you were trying to get across...
I know it seems like I'm shooting you down, but I don't mean to. It was an excellent story!
I just hope the general readership finds it amongst all the others.

I think the hardest thing about historical fiction is that you're writing people who come from a different time and have different viewpoints than we do today. They're not dumber than we are, but making a radically different viewpoint sympathetic to the modern reader is the hardest thing and yet maybe the most fun to try and write.
I'll stop now, because knowing as little as I do I've taken up far too much of your time.