Should I rewrite an old story?

[DanDraper]

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-virgin-and-the-prostitute

This was one of the first stories I wrote when I began over a year ago. I've been thinking about rewriting it because I got some new ideas for it and my writing skills (especially my grammar) has improved a lot since then.

Before I decide to rewrite it, I wanted to see if I can get someone's opinion about it.


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[ElectricBlue]

Why? It will be the same story, just a later version.

You've got 43 stories. What's in this story that makes it so special that it warrants a rework?

 

[lovecraft68]

Occasionally I've thought about rewriting some of my first stories, but the ones for sale, I wouldn't bother here. I'd do it because as you mentioned my grammar and writing in general is much better than 10 years ago.

But what always stops me from doing it is the thought that in the time I'd spend on it, I could be writing something new.

In the end I go with the always forward never backward approach.

 

[KeithD]

If you're itching to rewrite, go ahead and do so. Decide later if you want to replace the old one. Only you know what new material you would like to put in it. This isn't really a committee decision issue.

 

[DanDraper]

Why? It will be the same story, just a later version.

You've got 43 stories. What's in this story that makes it so special that it warrants a rework?

It's been on my mind lately. it was one of my favorites to write and I can't help thinking there are things I could've done better.


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[SimonDoom]

It's totally up to you whether you want to rewrite and resubmit this story, or move on to another story. My preference is to move on, but that's me.

If you do choose to rewrite, here are some thoughts:

1. Begin the story with a scene, not an introductory narrative. Instead of narrating a scene Jeremy had with his friends, write it out, with dialogue. It will be more entertaining that way. It will be a more fun way to reveal his problem. There's no dialogue at all in the first two scenes. I think that's a no-no. Jump right into the action. Don't start with an info dump or long intro.

2. Be consistent with past tense. You shift into present tense in this sentence in the very first paragraph: "Granted, he's still 10 years away . . . " It should be "Granted, he was still 10 years away . . ." You do this several times in the story. Scrub out all the present tense uses.

3. If I were you I would reconsider having part of the story relate Kimberly's perspective. I think it would be a better story if you told it purely from Jeremy's perspective, and both Jeremy and the reader find out about Kimberly only as he interacts with her and she tells him about herself. One of the neat things about your story is the parallelism -- it's the first time for both of them, in a way. But I think it would be MORE fun if both Jeremy and the reader don't find out it's her first time until she reveals that near the end of the story. It would be a neat twist on the first time concept.

4. The conversation section confuses me. You say he knows "Desiree's" real name is "Kimberly", but how? You don't say. So it's confusing when you refer to her as Desiree and then he calls her Kimberly. I think you've missed an opportunity to narrate an interaction where he finds out who she really is. It could be sweet and romantic.

5. As I said, I think it would be more fun if she didn't tell him right away that she was a prostitute. She likes him and she doesn't want him to go to the other girls but she wants him to think she's a pro. She doesn't tell him until near the end of the story that it's her first time. But if you want the conversation about her first time to take place before the sex, that can work too.

6. There are some punctuation and spelling errors. Be consistent in capitalization relating to dialogue.

"Thank you," he replied. "you want something to drink?" You need to capitalize the word "You."

"Are you nervous?" She asked. "I kind of am." Do NOT capitalize "she." You do not capitalize the first letter of the pronoun in a dialogue tag.


7. Ordinarily, I don't encourage rewriting a story. But having read through it, I think this could be a good story to rewrite. It's a nice, sweet, sexy story idea and the parallel first-time concept is fun. If I did it I'd think about doing the things I've described above, but it's your call.

 

[WritingwhatIlike]

I get why you would be tempted, in a general sense, not just with this one story. You mentioned your grammar is improved, you have some more/better ideas. I imagine you are maybe hoping to have a redo on this story, get another 'first reaction' to it, when it's written with your improved skills?

I would echo the other responders. Move on. Showcase your newfound abilities with a new story. This old story is a marker of sorts. It shows where you were, and now you can move on and show how far you've gotten.

If it's a story that's close to your heart, one that really resonates with you, then come up with a similar setting and write it again.