Should I finally submit a story?

[bashfull]

<scratching head>

Ok...deep breath...due to consistent requests from Honey, Aurora, and a few others, I am thinking about actually submitting one of my musings. I'm going to post it here and would appreciate honest feeback from anyone and everyone. Personally, I don't believe that my musings are worth submitting and perhaps I will be justified in my beliefs via this thread! Thank you in advance for your comments.

The one I am considering submitting (see story below) is more primal...urgent than my other musings.

s ladies
^5 fellas

Bash

 

[bashfull]

...The musk of our desire filling the room as the sweat from our bodies voices our passion. I relish in the sensation of running my hands over your supple thighs, along your stomach...resting my palm on your pelvis. Sitting on my heels, the sun shines through the curtains, alighting upon your beauty prone before me, your hands cupping and squeezing your breasts, your legs wrapped about my hips as I slide deep into your ass, your back arching, reaching...

Your exhalation causes me to hesitate...but you plead with me to go deeper. Through whispered shouts you beg "Slide it in! Push your cock deep in my ass! Pleeeaasssee..." Your heels on my back enforcing your moans...

The sight of me sliding into between your perfect cheeks is overwhelming. The fingers of one of your hands drifts lower, rubbing your clit as your cheeks clench...milking my cock, sucking me in. I push two fingers inside your opening, curling upward, alternating my thrusts...fingers rubbing...cocking probing...

Your breath quickening as your juices flow...rivulets pooling in the crease of the melding of your pelvis and thighs...lubricating my shaft as I thrust fully in now...holding. Enraptured by the sensation of being fully enveloped by your ass, your muscles clenched, feeling your insides spasm fully about me, my thrusting fingers pulsate inside of you. Your two fingers rubbing furious circles over clit as your hips grind up and down my torso, riding my cock.

Barely able to mouth the words, your eyes rolled back in your head, you pant "Fuck me...please fuck me hard...cum with me...cum in my ass," you moan. But I cannot so easily release the incredible sensations. I want to retain the feelings, the sounds, the rapture of your gyrations awhile longer, so I tell you "Not yet. Let it build, baby. Rub your clit, feel me in your tight ass. Wait until I cum with you."

Throwing your head back, your bottom lip held between your teeth, "No, I can't," you sigh. But I know you can...and you will. You love it when I deny your orgasm. Together we build, faster and fiery. A bead of sweat falling from my chin, landing upon your sweet pussy. So hot, I can almost see it sizzle on your skin...

Switching hands, I savor the feeling of my other fingers pushing aside your pussy lips...your soft, succulent moistness awaiting my upthrust. Bringing your juices to my lips, I taste you, savoring your sweetness. Strands of your nectar still lingering, I lower the other finger to your mouth...and groan as you engulf me, licking yourself from me, devouring my finger as you would my cock. Your mouth pumps my finger in rythym to your ass pumping my hard desire. Further exciting me, enticing me to cum...

Your thighs glistening with perspiration, squeezing my waist, your pussy pulsating on my fingers, your eyes part and capture mine....begging. No longer able to even mouth the words, you whimper for release...

Your ass is so tight, your lust so wanton, your passion so arousing...I thrust faster, deeper...taking you now...your ankles locked behind me, your heels pulling me...demanding me...fucking your ass hard now. Unable to control myself any longer, I take you, groaning with each stroke, completely captivated by how incredible you feel, taste, sound....

My hips rock back and forth to your writhing...my breath now ragged and primal...my desire now unleashed as I grab your hips, pulling you onto me...your shrieks of extacy exhubriant, joyfull in the knowledge that soon...soon you will cum...together we will cum...

Your head tossing back and side to side...your hair strewn about...the pillows and sheets wet with our lust...your hand torn between grasping the sheets and squeezing your nipples...your other hand a blur on your clit..."Yes....Yes, honey!" I gasp..."Your ass feels sooo good!" as I pound in and out of you now...hunger, thirst, insatiable desire to be with you...inside of you...meld with you...a beast unleashed...I roar as I sink deep..."Now!!"

Your scream reverberates from the walls as you cum...your hips thrusting hard upward and onto me...Your head arched back, the only contact you have with the sheets...your mouth gaped open...your body spasming over and over again...your ass cheeks milking me completely of my fluids as I hold myself fully emerged inside of you...my head thrown back, my cock spasming deeper as I fill you with my cum.

Still in the throes of extacy, I lean forward. Kissing you, I taste your juices on your lips and tongue. Still breathing rapidly, your nipples press into my chest. Lost in the moment, neither of us willing to part.

 

[Aurora Black]

I repeat: Submit it, Bash. Submit it NOW!

 

[bashfull]

Thanks, darlin'. So that's one "yes". Any criticism of the story? Suggestions? Comments?

 

[Kev H]

You shoulda warned that this was only for the ladies, because I will never beg you to "slide it in!" Heh, so maybe just a personal preference, but I'd stay well away from the second person (which can feel like you are instructing or telling the reader about themselves - 2 stories written in this style are 1 too many, imo). I'd suggest calling "you" "her" or using her name.

Other than that constant distraction of second person, it was "gawddamnhawt!" Your overuse of elipses might get some people, but you were clearly using them for pacing, almost in a poetic format, and I think it works. I would however, change all the elipses on the end of sentences to periods (especially at the end of paragraphs), since that's the real no-no that will bother the grammatically critical, and they really do not do anything over the tried-and-true period. The ones in the middle are all the pacing you need.

Just my opinion. I can tell you had fun with this, and reader comments should just be icing on the cake. Maybe make a guy version with "her" instead of "you", lol, and then I'd love to read the entire thing.

Happy writing.

 

[bashfull]

You shoulda warned that this was only for the ladies, because I will never beg you to "slide it in!" Heh, so maybe just a personal preference, but I'd stay well away from the second person (which can feel like you are instructing or telling the reader about themselves - 2 stories written in this style are 1 too many, imo). I'd suggest calling "you" "her" or using her name.

Other than that constant distraction of second person, it was "gawddamnhawt!" Your overuse of elipses might get some people, but you were clearly using them for pacing, almost in a poetic format, and I think it works. I would however, change all the elipses on the end of sentences to periods (especially at the end of paragraphs), since that's the real no-no that will bother the grammatically critical, and they really do not do anything over the tried-and-true period. The ones in the middle are all the pacing you need.

Just my opinion. I can tell you had fun with this, and reader comments should just be icing on the cake. Maybe make a guy version with "her" instead of "you", lol, and then I'd love to read the entire thing.

Happy writing.

Thanks, Kev. I appreciate the feedback. Good points on the elipses. I do use them for pacing but they do seem unnecessary at the end of paragraphs. And I think I will work up the story using "her" instead of "you". lol. Never thought of it that way before.

 

[Kev H]

My pleasure, bud, hope to see more of it.

 

[Honey123]

Definately submit it. I think it will work and I do believe you will get a following. You already do, just by being you on the threads. Your stories will just increase your fans, and that's a good thing.

As I suggested to you, find a really good editor. One that will help you with formating, spelling, etc.

Also, read your story to yourself, then outloud. You will see how you can edit it yourself. But, for a first timer, get an editor ~ I've already suggested one to you and I know she will be really wonderful.

Good luck, Bash...

 

[Guest]

What! You've been posting to the Author's Hangout, flirtin with our womenfolk, and you haven't written a story!

Lit Police! Lit Police! Lit Police!

 

[china-doll]

Just submit it. You should see (err... read) some of the crap I've submitted and no one has burned my house down... yet.

 

[bashfull]

What! You've been posting to the Author's Hangout, flirtin with our womenfolk, and you haven't written a story!

Lit Police! Lit Police! Lit Police!

Shhh...quiet, Ted!!! 'Sides, you didn't leave a critique.


China~~thanks for posting, darlin'. Any suggestions? Comments? Criticisms?

 

[Liar]

Not bad writin at all, but, isn't it a bit short? Was that the whole thing or an excerpt? I think there's a minimum length limit, and I suspect this is close to it. make sure you don't get it rejected on a technicality.

 

[bashfull]

Not bad writin at all, but, isn't it a bit short? Was that the whole thing or an excerpt? I think there's a minimum length limit, and I suspect this is close to it. make sure you don't get it rejected on a technicality.

Thanks, Liar. Didn't think about the word count. Over 830 words. Is that too small?

 

[bashfull]

Ok...1st revision ...replacing 2nd person...

The bed bereft of all but the sheets, the sun revealing the parting of the curtains, I bask in her sensuality. Her taste is still fresh upon my lips and chin. So long we have waited to be together, the urgency of our meeting is filled with need and ravenous hunger.

The musk of our desire fills the room as the sweat from our bodies voices our passion. I relish in the sensation of running my hands over her supple thighs, along her stomach...resting my palm on her pelvis. Sitting on my heels, the sun shines through the curtains, alighting upon her beauty prone before me, her hands cupping and squeezing her breasts, her legs wrapped about my hips as I slide deep into her ass, her back arching, reaching.

Her exhalation causes me to hesitate...but she pleads with me to go deeper. Through whispered shouts she begs "Slide it in! Push your cock deep in my ass! Pleeeaasssee..." Her heels on my back enforce her moans.

The sight of me sliding between her perfect cheeks is overwhelming. The fingers of one of her hands drifts lower, rubbing her clit as she clinches her cheeks ...milking my cock, sucking me in. I push two fingers inside her opening, curling upward, alternating my thrusts...fingers rubbing...cock probing.

Her breath quickening as her juices flow...rivulets pool in the crease of the melding of her pelvis and thighs...lubricating my shaft as I thrust fully in now...holding. Enraptured by the sensation of being fully enveloped by her ass, her muscles clenched, feeling her insides spasm fully about me, my thrusting fingers pulsate inside of her pussy. Her two fingers rubbing furious circles over clit as her bucking hips grind up and down my torso, riding my cock.

Barely able to mouth the words, her eyes rolled back in her head, she pants "Fuck me...please fuck me hard...cum with me...cum in my ass," she moans. But I cannot so easily release the incredible sensations. I want to retain the feelings, the sounds, the rapture of her gyrations awhile longer, so I tell her "Not yet. Let it build, baby. Rub your clit, feel me in your tight ass. Wait until I cum with you."

Throwing her head back, her bottom lip held between her teeth, "No, I can't," she sighs. But I know she can...and will. She loves it when I deny her orgasm. Together we build, faster and fiery. A bead of sweat falls from my chin, landing upon her sweet pussy. So hot, I can almost see it sizzle on her skin.

Switching hands, I savor the feeling of my other fingers pushing aside her pussy lips...her soft, succulent moistness awaiting my up thrust. Curling my fingers, I seek to find that wonderful spot that leaves her thrusting and bucking on my hand. Bringing her juices to my lips, I taste her, savoring her sweetness. Strands of her nectar still lingering, I lower the other finger to her mouth...and groan as she engulfs me, licking herself from me, devouring my finger as she had my cock. Her mouth pumps my finger in rhythm to her ass pumping my hard desire…further exciting me, enticing me to cum.

Her thighs glisten with perspiration, squeezing my waist, her pussy pulsating on my fingers, her eyes part and capture mine....begging. No longer able to even mouth the words, she whimpers for release...

Her ass is so tight, her lust so wanton, her passion so arousing...I thrust faster, deeper...taking her now...her ankles locked behind me, her heels pulling me...demanding me...fucking her ass hard now. Unable to control myself any longer, I take her, devour her, groaning with each stroke, completely captivated by how incredible she feels, tastes, sounds.

My hips rock back and forth to her writhing...my breath now ragged and primal...my desire now unleashed as I grab her hips, pulling her onto me...her shrieks of ecstasy exuberant, joyful in the knowledge that soon...soon she will cum...together we will cum.

Her head tosses back and side to side...hair strewn about...the pillows and sheets wet with our lust...her hand torn between grasping the sheets and squeezing her nipples...her other hand a blur on her clit..."Yes....Yes, honey!" I gasp..."Your ass feels sooo good!" as I pound in and out...hunger, thirst, insatiable desire to be with her...inside of her...meld with her...a beast unleashed...I roar as I sink deep..."Now!!"

Her scream reverberates from the walls as she cums...her hips thrusting hard upward and onto me...her head arched back, the only contact she has with the sheets...her mouth gaped open...her body quivering over and over again...her ass cheeks milking me completely of my fluids as I hold myself fully emerged inside of her...my head thrown back, my cock spasming deeper as I fill her with my cum.

Still in the throes of ecstasy, I lean forward. Kissing her, I taste her juices on her lips and tongue. Still breathing rapidly, her nipples press into my chest. Lost in the moment, neither of us are willing to part.

 

[bashfull]

Revision...keeping 2nd person...any comments?

The bed bereft of all but the sheets, the sun revealing the parting of the curtains, I bask in your sensuality. Your taste is still fresh upon my lips and chin. So long we have waited to be together, the urgency of our meeting is filled with need and ravenous hunger.

The musk of our desire fills the room as the sweat from our bodies voices our passion. I relish in the sensation of running my hands over her your supple thighs, along your stomach...resting my palm on your pelvis. Sitting on my heels, the sun shines through the curtains, alighting upon your beauty prone before me, your hands cupping and squeezing your breasts, your legs wrapped about my hips as I slide deep into your ass, your back arching, reaching.

Your exhalation causes me to hesitate...but you plead with me to go deeper. Through whispered shouts you beg "Slide it in! Push your cock deep in my ass! Pleeeaasssee..." Your heels on my back enforce your moans.

The sight of me sliding between your perfect cheeks is overwhelming. The fingers of one of your hands drifts lower, rubbing your clit as you clinch your cheeks ...milking my cock, sucking me in. I push two fingers inside your opening, curling upward, alternating my thrusts...fingers rubbing...cock probing.

Your breath quickening as your juices flow...rivulets pool in the crease of the melding of your pelvis and thighs...lubricating my shaft as I thrust fully in now...holding. Enraptured by the sensation of being fully enveloped by your ass, your muscles clenched, feeling your insides spasm fully about me, my thrusting fingers pulsate inside of your pussy. Your two fingers rubbing furious circles over your clit as your bucking hips grind up and down my torso, riding my cock.

Barely able to mouth the words, your eyes rolled back in your head, you pant "Fuck me...please fuck me hard...cum with me...cum in my ass," you moan. But I cannot so easily release the incredible sensations. I want to retain the feelings, the sounds, the rapture of your gyrations awhile longer, so I tell you "Not yet. Let it build, baby. Rub your clit, feel me in your tight ass. Wait until I cum with you."

Throwing your head back, your bottom lip held between your teeth, "No, I can't," you sigh. But I know you can...and will. You love it when I deny your orgasm. Together we build, faster and fiery. A bead of sweat falls from my chin, landing upon your sweet pussy. So hot, I can almost see it sizzle on your skin.

Switching hands, I savor the feeling of my other fingers pushing aside your pussy lips...soft, succulent moistness awaiting my up thrust. Curling my fingers, I seek to find that wonderful spot that leaves you thrusting and bucking on my hand. Bringing your juices to my lips, I taste you again, savoring your sweetness. Strands of your nectar still lingering, I lower the other finger to your mouth...and groan as you engulf me, licking yourself from me, devouring my finger as you had my cock. Your mouth pumps my finger in rhythm to your ass pumping my hard desire…further exciting me, enticing me to cum.

Your thighs glisten with perspiration, squeezing my waist, your pussy pulsating on my fingers, your eyes part and capture mine....begging. No longer able to even mouth the words, you whimper for release...

Your ass is so tight, your lust so wanton, your passion so arousing...I thrust faster, deeper...taking you now...your ankles locked behind me, your heels pulling me...demanding me...fucking your ass hard now. Unable to control myself any longer, I take you; devour you, groaning with each stroke, completely captivated by how incredible you feel, taste, sound.

My hips rock back and forth to your writhing...my breath now ragged and primal...my desire now unleashed as I grab your hips, pulling you onto me...your shrieks of ecstasy exuberant, joyful in the knowledge that soon...soon you will cum...together we will cum.

Your head tosses back and side to side...hair strewn about...the pillows and sheets wet with our lust...your hand torn between grasping the sheets and squeezing your nipples...your other hand a blur on your clit..."Yes....Yes, honey!" I gasp..."Your ass feels sooo good!" as I pound in and out...hunger, thirst, insatiable desire to be with you...inside of you...meld with you...a beast unleashed...I roar as I sink deep..."Now!!"

Your scream reverberates from the walls as you cum...your hips thrusting hard upward and onto me...your head arched back, the only contact you have with the sheets...your mouth gaped open...your body quivering over and over again...your ass cheeks milking me completely of my fluids as I hold myself fully emerged inside of you...my head thrown back, my cock spasming deeper as I fill you with my cum.

Still in the throes of ecstasy, I lean forward. Kissing you, I taste your juices on your lips and tongue. Still breathing rapidly, your nipples press into my chest. Lost in the moment, neither of us are willing to part.

 

[bashfull]

Thank you, Honey for writing the opening!!

Leaning against the doorway, I watch you; standing by a bed bereft of all but the sheets, bending over to retrieve a tossed and forgotten pillow from the floor. The sun revealing the parting of the curtains, your petite figure clad only in my shirt which is twice your size. Legs long and lean, I smile remembering their feel against my lips and hands. Watching you now, I bask in your sensuality, your taste still fresh upon my lips and chin.

So long we have waited to be together, the urgency of our meeting filled with need and ravenous hunger. In two long strides, I am behind you. You gasp, not in surprise but anticipation as I press my body against you. There is no mistaking my need to have you and as you slowly moves against me in response. It is apparent the feeling is mutual.

I take pleasure in sliding my hands under the hem of the shirt, moaning as your hands reach up and claps behind my head, drawing it closer to your sinewy neck. Your back arches as my lips linger, my beard rough against soft skin.

Sliding my hand between your legs, I run a finger along the slit of your pussy, your desire making the lips wet, slick. I can feel your clit harden under my touch and slowly mash it back and forth making you moan. I caress your firm abdomen with my free hand, fingers splayed, my thumb tracing tiny circles along the skin. Cupping your breast, I pinch your nipple hearing you whimper. Your hands coming around to cup my ass, pushing me into you.

“You like the way that feels?” I whisper into your neck.

“Yes.” You moan, grinding against me. “I want you to fuck my ass,” your voice husky with passion, lust.

My breath catches in my throat....my caresses pause for a moment as the vision of your naked body races through my mind. In that moment, you move away from me. I watch as you crawl onto the bed ... as the shirt hitches up past your hips revealing your beautiful ass to my view ... as you turn onto your back...watching as you slowly unbutton the shirt .... as the material parts.

Unable to wait, I bend down and kiss along your inner thighs, your fingers going through my hair holding me steadfast. As you lift your pelvis to me, I kiss you gently, smelling your aroma, enjoying your moans, your whimpers of pleasure. The musk of our desire fills the room as the sweat from our bodies voices our passion.

I relish in the sensation of running my hands over her your supple thighs, along your stomach...resting my palm on your pelvis. Sitting on my heels, the sun shines through the curtains, alighting upon your beauty prone before me, your hands cupping and squeezing your breasts, your legs wrapped about my hips as I slide deep into your ass, your back arching, reaching.

Your exhalation causes me to hesitate...but you plead with me to go deeper. Through whispered shouts you beg "Slide it in! Push your cock deep in my ass! Pleeeaasssee..." Your heels on my back enforce your moans.

The sight of me sliding between your perfect cheeks is overwhelming. The fingers of one of your hands drifts lower, rubbing your clit as you clinch your cheeks ...milking my cock, sucking me in. I push two fingers inside your opening, curling upward, alternating my thrusts...fingers rubbing...cock probing.

Your breath quickening as your juices flow...rivulets pool in the crease of the melding of your pelvis and thighs...lubricating my shaft as I thrust fully in now...holding. Enraptured by the sensation of being fully enveloped by your ass, your muscles clenched, feeling your insides spasm fully about me, my thrusting fingers pulsate inside of your pussy. Your two fingers rubbing furious circles over your clit as your bucking hips grind up and down my torso, riding my cock.

Barely able to mouth the words, your eyes rolled back in your head, you pant "Fuck me...please fuck me hard...cum with me...cum in my ass," you moan. But I cannot so easily release the incredible sensations. I want to retain the feelings, the sounds, the rapture of your gyrations awhile longer, so I tell you "Not yet. Let it build, baby. Rub your clit, feel me in your tight ass. Wait until I cum with you."

Throwing your head back, your bottom lip held between your teeth, "No, I can't," you sigh. But I know you can...and will. You love it when I deny your orgasm. Together we build, faster and fiery. A bead of sweat falls from my chin, landing upon your sweet pussy. So hot, I can almost see it sizzle on your skin.

Switching hands, I savor the feeling of my other fingers pushing aside your pussy lips...soft, succulent moistness awaiting my up thrust. Curling my fingers, I seek to find that wonderful spot that leaves you thrusting and bucking on my hand. Bringing your juices to my lips, I taste you again, savoring your sweetness. Strands of your nectar still lingering, I lower the other finger to your mouth...and groan as you engulf me, licking yourself from me, devouring my finger as you had my cock. Your mouth pumps my finger in rhythm to your ass pumping my hard desire…further exciting me, enticing me to cum.

Your thighs glisten with perspiration, squeezing my waist, your pussy pulsating on my fingers, your eyes part and capture mine....begging. No longer able to even mouth the words, you whimper for release...

Your ass is so tight, your lust so wanton, your passion so arousing...I thrust faster, deeper...taking you now...your ankles locked behind me, your heels pulling me...demanding me...fucking your ass hard now. Unable to control myself any longer, I take you; devour you, groaning with each stroke, completely captivated by how incredible you feel, taste, sound.

My hips rock back and forth to your writhing...my breath now ragged and primal...my desire now unleashed as I grab your hips, pulling you onto me...your shrieks of ecstasy exuberant, joyful in the knowledge that soon...soon you will cum...together we will cum.

Your head tosses back and side to side...hair strewn about...the pillows and sheets wet with our lust...your hand torn between grasping the sheets and squeezing your nipples...your other hand a blur on your clit..."Yes....Yes, honey!" I gasp..."Your ass feels sooo good!" as I pound in and out...hunger, thirst, insatiable desire to be with you...inside of you...meld with you...a beast unleashed...I roar as I sink deep..."Now!!"

Your scream reverberates from the walls as you cum...your hips thrusting hard upward and onto me...your head arched back, the only contact you have with the sheets...your mouth gaped open...your body quivering over and over again...your ass cheeks milking me completely of my fluids as I hold myself fully emerged inside of you...my head thrown back, my cock spasming deeper as I fill you with my cum.

Still in the throes of ecstasy, we collapse in each other's arms. Kissing you, I taste your juices on your lips and tongue. Still breathing rapidly, your nipples press into my chest. Lost in the moment, neither of us are willing to part.

 

[Honey123]

Some changes -- in red

Leaning against the doorway, I watch you; standing by a bed bereft of all but the sheets, bending over to retrieve a tossed and forgotten pillow from the floor. The sun revealing the parting of the curtains, your petite figure clad only in my shirt which is twice your size, legs long and lean, I smile remembering their feel against my lips and hands. Watching you now, I bask in your sensuality, your taste still fresh upon my lips and chin.

So long we have waited to be together, the urgency of our meeting filled with need and ravenous hunger.

In two long strides, I am behind you, you gasp, not in surprise but anticipation as I press my body against yours. There is no mistaking my need to have you and as you slowly move against me in response, it is apparent the feeling is mutual.

I take pleasure in sliding my hands under the hem of the shirt, moaning as your hands reach up and claps behind my head, drawing it closer to your sinewy neck. Your back arches as my lips linger, my beard rough against soft skin.

Sliding my hand between your legs, I run a finger along the slit of your pussy, your desire making the lips wet, slick. I can feel your clit harden under my touch and slowly mash it back and forth making you moan. I caress your firm abdomen with my free hand, fingers splayed, my thumb tracing tiny circles along the skin. Cupping your breast I pinch your nipple hearing you whimper. Your hands coming around to cup my ass, pushing me into you.

“You like the way that feels?” I whisper into your neck.

“Yes.” You moan, grinding against me. “I want you to fuck my ass.” You whisper, your voice husky with passion, lust.

My breath catches in my throat....my caresses pause for a moment as the vision of your naked body races through my mind. In that moment, you move away from me. I watch as you crawl onto the bed ... as the shirt hitches up past your hips revealing your beautiful ass to my view ... as you turn onto your back...watching as you slowly unbutton the shirt .... as the material parts.

Unable to wait, I bend down and kiss along your inner thighs, your fingers going through my hair holding me steadfast. As you lift your pelvis to me, I kiss you gently, smelling your aroma, enjoying your moans, your whimpers of pleasure.

The musk of our desire fills the room as the sweat from our bodies voices our passion. I relish in the sensation of running my hands over her your supple thighs, along your stomach...resting my palm on your pelvis. Sitting on my heels, the sun shines through the curtains, alighting upon your beauty prone before me, your hands cupping and squeezing your breasts, your legs wrapped about my hips as I slide deep into your ass, your back arching, reaching.

Your exhalation causes me to hesitate...but you plead with me to go deeper. Through whispered shouts you beg "Slide it in! Push your cock deep in my ass! Pleeeaasssee..." Your heels on my back enforce your moans.

The sight of me sliding between your perfect cheeks is overwhelming. The fingers of one of your hands drifts lower, rubbing your clit as you clinch your cheeks ...milking my cock, sucking me in. I push two fingers inside your opening, curling upward, alternating my thrusts...fingers rubbing...cock probing.

Your breath quickening as your juices flow...rivulets pool in the crease of the melding of your pelvis and thighs...lubricating my shaft as I thrust fully in now...holding. Enraptured by the sensation of being fully enveloped by your ass, your muscles clenched, feeling your insides spasm fully about me, my thrusting fingers pulsate inside of your pussy. Your two fingers rubbing furious circles over your clit as your bucking hips grind up and down my torso, riding my cock.

Barely able to mouth the words, your eyes rolled back in your head, you pant "Fuck me...please fuck me hard...cum with me...cum in my ass," you moan. But I cannot so easily release the incredible sensations. I want to retain the feelings, the sounds, the rapture of your gyrations awhile longer, so I tell you "Not yet. Let it build, baby. Rub your clit, feel me in your tight ass. Wait until I cum with you."

Throwing your head back, your bottom lip held between your teeth, "No, I can't," you sigh. But I know you can...and will. You love it when I deny your orgasm. Together we build, faster and fiery. A bead of sweat falls from my chin, landing upon your sweet pussy. So hot, I can almost see it sizzle on your skin.

Switching hands, I savor the feeling of my other fingers pushing aside your pussy lips...soft, succulent moistness awaiting my up thrust. Curling my fingers, I seek to find that wonderful spot that leaves you thrusting and bucking on my hand. Bringing your juices to my lips, I taste you again, savoring your sweetness. Strands of your nectar still lingering, I lower the other finger to your mouth...and groan as you engulf me, licking yourself from me, devouring my finger as you had my cock. Your mouth pumps my finger in rhythm to your ass pumping my hard desire…further exciting me, enticing me to cum.

Your thighs glisten with perspiration, squeezing my waist, your pussy pulsating on my fingers, your eyes part and capture mine....begging. No longer able to even mouth the words, you whimper for release...

Your ass is so tight, your lust so wanton, your passion so arousing...I thrust faster, deeper...taking you now...your ankles locked behind me, your heels pulling me...demanding me...fucking your ass hard now. Unable to control myself any longer, I take you; devour you, groaning with each stroke, completely captivated by how incredible you feel, taste, sound.

My hips rock back and forth to your writhing...my breath now ragged and primal...my desire now unleashed as I grab your hips, pulling you onto me...your shrieks of ecstasy exuberant, joyful in the knowledge that soon...soon you will cum...together we will cum.

Your head tosses back and side to side...hair strewn about...the pillows and sheets wet with our lust...your hand torn between grasping the sheets and squeezing your nipples...your other hand a blur on your clit..."Yes....Yes, honey!" I gasp..."Your ass feels sooo good!" as I pound in and out...hunger, thirst, insatiable desire to be with you...inside of you...meld with you...a beast unleashed...I roar as I sink deep..."Now!!"

Your scream reverberates from the walls as you cum...your hips thrusting hard upward and onto me...your head arched back, the only contact you have with the sheets...your mouth gaped open...your body quivering over and over again...your ass cheeks milking me completely of my fluids as I hold myself fully emerged inside of you...my head thrown back, my cock spasming deeper as I fill you with my cum.

Still in the throes of ecstasy, we collapse in each other's arms. Kissing you, I taste your juices on your lips and tongue. Still breathing rapidly, your nipples press into my chest. Lost in the moment, neither of us are willing to part.



---------------------------OK---------------------------

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Sounds like we have a new writer here! Hope you go ahead. Whether I like the genre or not, it's always nice to see another priest of the Muse.

And, Honey, I am making a mental note to actually READ one or more of your stories some time. If any fit my tastes, who knows, I might get aroused. Got any anal tales?

 

[bashfull]

Sounds like we have a new writer here! Hope you go ahead. Whether I like the genre or not, it's always nice to see another priest of the Muse.

And, Honey, I am making a mental note to actually READ one or more of your stories some time. If any fit my tastes, who knows, I might get aroused. Got any anal tales?

Thanks, Sever. And (I have to say this...can't hold it in...) did you mean "Anal Tails"?

<<ducks>>

 

[MasterPhoenix]

there aint nothin to it but to do it.

 

[Belegon]

I'd cut down on sentence length in a few places...make some changes in paragraphs. Eliminate some of the he said, "this" Mind you, it is all suggestion only. This makes it more my style. It's your voice we are looking for, not mine.


Leaning against the doorway, I watch you. Standing by a bed bereft of all but the sheets; bending over to retrieve a tossed and forgotten pillow from the floor. The sun reveals the parting of the curtains, your petite figure clad only in my shirt,which is twice your size, legs long and lean. I smile remembering their feel against my lips and hands. Watching you now, I bask in your sensuality. Your taste is still fresh upon my lips and chin.

So long we have waited to be together; the urgency of our meeting filled with need and ravenous hunger.

In two long strides, I am behind you. You gasp, not in surprise but anticipation, as I press my body against yours. There is no mistaking my need to have you. As you slowly move against me in response, it is apparent the feeling is mutual.

I take pleasure in sliding my hands under the hem of the shirt, moaning as your hands reach up and clasp behind my head, drawing it closer to your sinewy neck. Your back arches as my lips linger, my beard rough against soft skin.

Sliding my hand between your legs, I run a finger along the slit of your pussy. Your desire has made the lips wet and slick. I can feel your clit harden under my touch and slowly I mash it back and forth, making you moan. I caress your firm abdomen with my free hand, fingers splayed, my thumb tracing tiny circles along the skin. Cupping your breast I pinch your nipple hearing you whimper. Your hands come around to cup my ass, pushing me into you.

“You like the way that feels?” I whisper into your neck.

“Yes,” you moan, grinding against me, “I want you to fuck my ass.” You whisper it, your voice husky with passion and lust.

My breath catches in my throat....my caresses pause for a moment as the vision of your naked body races through my mind. In that moment, you move away from me. I watch as you crawl onto the bed ... as the shirt hitches up past your hips revealing your beautiful ass to my view ... as you turn onto your back...watching you slowly unbutton the shirt .... as the material falls away to show skin.

Unable to wait, I bend down and kiss along your inner thighs, your fingers going through my hair, holding me steadfast. As you lift your pelvis to me, I kiss you gently, smelling your aroma; enjoying your moans and your whimpers of pleasure.

The musk of our desire fills the room as the sweat from our bodies voices our passion. I relish in the sensation of running my hands over your supple thighs, along your stomach...resting my palm on your pelvis. Sitting on my heels, the sun shines through the curtains, alighting upon your beauty. Prone before me, your hands cupping and squeezing your breasts, your legs wrapped about my hips as I slide deep into your ass, your back arching, reaching.

Your exhalation causes me to hesitate...but you plead with me to go deeper. Through whispered shouts, you beg.

"Slide it in! Push your cock deep in my ass! Pleeeaasssee..." Your heels on my back enforce your wishes.

The sight of me sliding between your perfect cheeks is overwhelming. The fingers of one of your hands drifts lower, rubbing your clit as you clinch your cheeks ...milking my cock, sucking me in. I push two fingers inside your opening, curling upward, alternating my thrusts...fingers rubbing...cock probing.

Your breath quickens as your juices flow...rivulets pool in the crease of the melding of your pelvis and thighs...lubricating my shaft as I thrust fully in now...holding. Enraptured by the sensation of being fully enveloped by your ass, your muscles clenched. Your insides spasm fully about me, my thrusting fingers pulsating inside your pussy. Your two fingers rub furious circles over your clit as your bucking hips grind up and down my torso, riding my cock.

Barely able to mouth the words, your eyes rolled back in your head, you pant, "Fuck me...please fuck me hard...cum with me...cum in my ass."

But I cannot so easily release the incredible sensations. I want to retain the feelings, the sounds and the rapture of your gyrations awhile longer, so I tell you no.

"Not yet. Let it build, baby. Rub your clit, feel me in your tight ass. Wait until I cum with you."

Throwing your head back, your bottom lip held between your teeth, you sigh. "No, I can't."

But I know you can...and will. You love it when I deny your orgasm. Together we build, faster and fiery. A bead of sweat falls from my chin, landing upon your sweet pussy. So hot, I can almost see it sizzle on your skin.

Switching hands, I savor the feeling of my other fingers pushing aside your pussy lips...soft, succulent moistness, awaiting my upward thrust. Curling my fingers, I seek that wonderful spot that leaves you thrusting and bucking on my hand. Bringing your juices to my lips, I taste you again; savoring your sweetness. Strands of your nectar still lingering, I lower the other finger to your mouth...and groan as you engulf it, licking yourself from me, devouring my finger as you had my cock. Your mouth pumps my finger in rhythm to your ass pumping my hard desire…further exciting me. Enticing me to cum.

Your thighs glisten with perspiration, squeezing my waist. Your pussy pulsates on my fingers, your eyes open and capture mine....begging. No longer able to even mouth the words, you whimper for release...

Your ass is so tight, your lust so wanton, your passion so arousing...I thrust faster, deeper...taking you now...your ankles locked behind me, your heels pulling me...demanding me. I am fucking your ass hard now, unable to control myself any longer. I take you. I devour you, groaning with each stroke, completely captivated by how incredible you feel, taste and sound.

My hips rock back and forth to your writhing...my breath is now ragged and primal...my desire now unleashed as I grab your hips, pulling you onto me...your shrieks of ecstasy exuberant, joyful in the knowledge that soon...soon you will cum...together we will cum.

Your head tosses back and side to side...hair strewn about...the pillows and sheets wet with our lust...your hand torn between grasping the sheets and squeezing your nipples...your other hand a blur on your clit.

"Yes....Yes, honey!" I gasp..."Your ass feels sooo good!" I pound in and out...hunger, thirst, insatiable desire to be with you...inside of you... to meld with you...a beast unleashed...I roar as I sink deep..."Now!!"

Your scream reverberates from the walls as you cum...your hips thrust hard upward and onto me...your head arches back, the only contact you have with the sheets...your mouth gapes open...your body quivering over and over again...your ass cheeks milking me completely of my fluids. I hold myself fully submerged inside of you...my head thrown back, my cock spasming deeper as I fill you with my cum.

Still in the throes of ecstasy, we collapse in each other's arms. Kissing you, I taste your juices on your lips and tongue. Still breathing rapidly, your nipples press into my chest. Lost in the moment, neither of us are willing to part.


...of course, I would have three pages before filled with how they met and what perfume she wore, what brand of cigarettes he smokes...I can't seem to do without it. I like all the elipses, but then look at the way I post. Submit it Bash. It's ready.

 

[Aurora Black]

Hell, yes.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Thanks, Sever. And (I have to say this...can't hold it in...) did you mean "Anal Tails"?

<<ducks>>

You're welcum. And that IS one possible meaning!

 

[1337_G1RL]

Just post it

 

[Aurora Black]

*cheering, shaking pom-poms*

Post, post, post, RAH! Post, post, post...